"I don't know who's gonna kiss you when I'm gone so I'm gonna love you now, like it's all I have."

The Abidan family, with the pastoral head of the house and his hoard of Bibically named children had moved into the house next to Natalie's just before she entered kindergarten. While the thought of new kids had excited her, she was disheartened when she'd first met them.

The oldest, Michael, was snobby and rude and she had taken an instant disliking to him. Gabriel was quiet, and preferred to sit and practice his writing in his journal instead of playing. The two girls were only babies, and as cute as they were, they couldn't climb trees or braid flower crowns with her.

It was only after that she met the middle child, Lucifer. Named for the devil and with a temperament to match, she had watched, bemused, as he had grumbled and griped at his father with an expression much too disgruntled for a boy of only six.

The closest to her age and her last hope, she'd endeavored to be his friend anyways. He had been difficult, until she'd shared her ice cream with him one exceptionally hot day. Alex had found them sitting on the porch and covered in chocolate, Natalie giggling until she was pink in the face and Lucifer cracking the first smile Alex had seen from the boy.

They had been inseparable ever since.

After 11 years of friendship, 4 years of crushes, and a year of flirting, they began dating. It was an unofficial process, with no talk of actually dating or being one another's boyfriend or girlfriend, but it had happened nonetheless.

It was during his junior and her sophomore years, prom was coming up and as little as Lucifer cared for the whole shebang, his family was insistent that he go. They had pushed and prodded since the end of his sophomore year, about what an experience prom was.

Going was non-negotiable, as much as Lucifer abhorred the idea.

So it was sitting in Natalie's room, Lucifer tossing a small foam ball into the air while seated in the beanbag chair he'd claimed as his, when he had asked her to go with him. 'Asked' being the loose term, as the way he'd phrased it had been less of a request and more of a demand.

Natalie had given him a sideways glance, the edges of her lips turning up against her will when she asked if he was serious. He caught the ball once more and turned his eyes to her, nearly gold in the light filtering in from her window.

"Yeah. Go with me. I have to and it seems like something you'd like, so."

When prom finally rolled around, there had been no more talk of it since. He'd let her experience a full hour of it and then dragged her out of the venue and a few short blocks away to a small park, unoccupied this late and on such a busy night.

Natalie admired the view under the moonlight, and when she turned her head to look at him, he kissed her. She sighed blissfully against his lips and that's how they spent the rest of the night.

It had been as easy as breathing to go from friends to dating.

The next two years were arguably the best of their young lives. They were happy together, happier than they had ever been, though Lucifer was hard-pressed to let it show.

After so many years by each other's sides though, Natalie was no fool to the subtle emotions that most would miss playing in his eyes. She'd smile and bring his hand up to kiss his palm everytime she noticed him looking, and everytime he'd roll his eyes to hide how they softened as he shook his hand from hers and pull her against his side.

They knew each other better than they knew themselves. They knew what made each other happy. They knew what subjects to avoid and which buttons were okay to press. They never hid anything from each other, or if they tried, it was easy for the other to determine when something was wrong. Because of this, it was rare that they had ever argued seriously.

Which was why the last few months of their relationship were rocky. The months leading up to and following Lucifer's graduation from high school, he acted strange, which Natalie took notice to immediately. She chalked it up to being nervous for the big change from high school to college at first, but after awhile of him avoiding her questions and the way he refused to meet her eyes when she asked if he'd picked a university yet, she knew it was something more.

A week after his graduation, Natalie was tired of being skirted around and lied to. She sat facing him on her bed.

"We tell each other everything," she had said, a twinge of hurt in her voice she couldn't hide. "So what's so groundbreaking that you can't tell me?"

Lucifer was quiet for a long time. So long, Natalie suspected he wasn't going to answer her at all, and frustrated, she climbed off her bed. She had made it to the door before she heard him speak behind her, so softly she wasn't sure she'd heard him right.

"- leaving."

"...What?"

"I'm leaving," he said again, louder, turning his head to look at her. "For college."

Natalie's shoulders slumped and she couldn't help the relieved smile and giggles.

"Duh, dude. I know you didn't plan on staying in the city. What's the big deal? We can still visit each other and-"

"I'm leaving the country, Natalie. I'm going to Oxford."

Immediately, she felt the breath leave her.

"In… England?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. I thought you were… What happened to… Wow. Oxford. In…"

"England," he reiterated, watching her carefully, his hands clenched into fists in his lap.

"That's… far away, you'll be…" she trailed off, trying to calculate the time in her head even though she wasn't sure what time it was there.

"8 hours."

"Huh?"

"8 hours. Ahead." He glanced at the alarm clock on Natalie's bedside table, which read 1:19 PM. "It's 9 there."

"I thought you… What made you pick Oxford?" she asked, wringing her fingers now, avoiding his eyes by looking back at the clock. "I thought you wanted to go to a university here, just… away. Not… England away."

Lucifer exhaled, long and low.

"Here away isn't enough anymore. I want to get away from them, Nat. I don't want to be in their reach anymore."

His family. He wanted to get away from his family. While she could understand that, she still had trouble processing that after spending most of her life by his side, she would be alone. She had been okay with him being a few hours away, resigned herself to facetiming instead of face to face interactions and weekend visits, but this…

She was unprepared for this.

"When do you leave?"

"Next month."

"When?" she pressed. He hesitated, and she asked again.

"The 14th." Natalie swore she felt the ground give beneath her.

Three weeks. She had three weeks left with him. She felt the telltale burn of tears behind her eyes, but held them off.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she finally asked, her head swimming.

"I was trying to figure out how."

"Were you ever going to?" she accused, her voice breaking. "If how you've been acting is anything to go by, you've known you were leaving for months! And now you're - now you're telling me we have less than a month left?"

He flinched, lowering his eyes. Natalie pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes and spun out of the room.

The door slammed behind her.

"Call me when you land," she said, looking up at him for what would be the last time in who knew how long. "I don't care what time it is, alright? Call me so I know you're safe."

His lips twitched as he consented, trying to memorize the lines of her face.

She would be the only thing he missed about this godforsaken town. Hell, he missed her already and he hadn't even left yet.

After a lot of discussion and tears since she had found out, they had agreed to stop dating, at least while he was overseas. Both of them had felt that the timezone difference and the conflicting schedules would put an unnecessary strain on their relationship, so for the time being, they were only friends.

Natalie had assured him that when he came back for breaks though, the "no kissing" ban was to be lifted as she stroked his cheek absently back in her room, a teasing grin on her face that he just had to break the aforementioned ban for in order to wipe it off.

"You're bad at this," she had whispered against his lips.

"You're kissing me back," he pointed out, rolling them over on her bed until he was above her. She had smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him back down.

"We both are," she amended, and he hummed in approval before silencing her.

"I'll call you," he promised, snapping out of the memory as she waited for an answer.

"You better," she said, with playfully threatening undertones and a finger in his face. Then all her teasing faded, and she wrapped her arms around his waist. She hugged him as tight as she could and buried her face in his chest, a muffled "I'll miss you so much," just barely reaching his ears through the airport chatter.

He didn't return the sentiment, but his lips touched the top of her head in reply. Natalie felt tears she promised she wouldn't cry spring to her eyes, and she tightened her arms around him.

"You're not supposed to kiss me," she accused teasingly. He laughed quietly against her hair.

"Sue me."

"Gosh, I better do that soon. I won't be able to anymore once you're a lawyer, Mr. Fancy Pants. You'd crush me in court."

His lips twitched again, "You're damn right."

She laughed and pulled back from him.

"You're such a jerk."

Before he could reply, there was an announcement for his flight boarding. Natalie clutched him tighter, before letting him go and stepping back.

"Have fun in England. Take lots of pictures because I want to see everything. I'm going to live vicariously through you."

"You got it, kid." She smiled at the nickname, before stepping aside to let him say bye to his family. The handshake with his father was stiff and he hardly made eye contact with Michael. Gabriel nodded to him, wishing him well. His sisters were more receptive to him, even Zad telling him she would miss him while Cham cried.

He said goodbye to Alex, who was standing off to the side, who clasped the young man in a tight hug. He had been more of a father to Lucifer than his own father had ever been.

When the second announcement for his flight was made, Lucifer nodded at his family, told Alex goodbye, and when he passed Natalie again, he squeezed her arm and leaned over to kiss her temple.

"I know, I'm bad at this," he said, with his own smile teasing his lips this time, and then he was gone.

Natalie pushed back the tears again. There would be no more crying. Everything would work out just fine.

It was April of her senior year, and Natalie couldn't recall a time when she'd ever been more excited. Her senior prom was coming up, and while she had originally not planned on going since she'd been to two already and Lucifer was overseas, a conversation about a month or two after classes had started had changed her mind.

"I feel bad that I'm going to miss your senior year," he'd admitted one night, during one of their rare skype calls during odd hours of the day when they'd both managed to find some free time. "I won't be able to make your graduation… that's during finals week. But if I can find the time, I'll come back and take you to prom."

Three months ago, when tickets had gone on sale, and she messaged him immediately. A few days later, he'd told her to go ahead and get them. It was the first message she'd received from him in a week, and she'd immediately spent the $70 for two tickets to that year's prom.

She wasn't too disheartened about how little they'd been talking lately, she knew he must be busy, what with his finals approaching soon. She imagined Oxford was more trying than some of the universities he'd been considering there.

She had already bought her dress (it was red, which she knew was his favorite color to see her in) and heels higher than two inches (which she practiced walking in them every night) and looked up hairstyles and makeup tutorials (which she attempted on weekends with results of variously hilarious degrees). He hadn't come home for winter break, so this would be the first time she'd seen him since he'd left in July.

She knew it was silly, since he'd seen her with bedhead and morning breath and when she was sick and snotty, but she wanted to look good for him.

And, she was admittedly a little excited about breaking the 'no kissing' ban. She'd even made sure to get lip stain instead of lipstick, so it wouldn't smear all over his face when she did.

Giddy with excitement at the thought of him coming home, finally, just to take her to prom, Natalie's mood was high and nothing could knock the smile from her face in the coming weeks.

Not even the short message she got during lunch exactly a week before prom, the first time she had seen his name light up her screen in almost two weeks:

[Sorry, exam Friday, can't make it.]

She bit back the urge to roll her eyes at his teasing, and quickly typed back a reply.

[Haha, ok dude. Seriously, when does your flight land?]

As an afterthought, she sent another message about how excited she was for him to see her dress, a smile stretching wide across her lips.

She went several minutes without a reply, so she turned back to talk to her friends and finish her lunch. When her phone finally buzzed again, she picked it up quickly, eager to read his newest message.

[I am serious. I can't make it. Sorry, kid, have fun.]

She read it three times. Then again. Then once, twice, three more times, the words running around in her head over and over but not making any sense.

He couldn't make it? He wasn't coming?

The conversation around her faded to a dull ringing in her ears. Her vision blurred with tears as she read it again and again and again. Sorry, kid, have fun.

Only when she heard her name break through the ringing did she finally tear her eyes from her phone, looking up at her friends.

"You alright, Natalie?"

With a mountain of effort, Natalie painted a smile that looked nearly effortless on her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, what were we talking about?" Sorry, kid, have fun.

In the next week, Natalie thought about giving her dress to someone who needed it, about giving her tickets to someone who hadn't had the money to purchase theirs.

Instead, she held on to the hope that he was just playing a cruel joke. What if she gave her dress and tickets away and he showed up on her doorstep, with flowers and that teasing smirk she missed so much?

But he never showed up. Her dress hung on the back of her door and her heels sat outside her closet as she curled up on the living room couch to watch a movie she couldn't focus on.

Sorry, kid, have fun.

"I know it'll kill me when it's over. I don't wanna think about it, I want you to love me now."

—John Legend, "Love Me Now"