2The Fan sat in the conference room, waiting eagerly for their host to arrive. When at last the door opened, they practically jumped to their feet, stumbling forward to greet Mr. Lego.
"Good morning," Mr. Lego greeted. "Apologies for the delay, but we needed to make a few last-minute adjustments."
"That's quite alright," the Fan said. "Thank you so much for inviting me here! I was thrilled to hear that you'll be continuing Bionicle through web serials, and it's a privilege to get a sneak peek at what'll be going on!"
Mr. Lego frowned. "Yes, it's really quite unfortunate that we had to end the line. Still, for some time now we've been losing old fans faster than we can get new ones, so wrapping up production was really the only sound business decision."
"I understand. There's no way anyone could blame you for making totally logical decisions like that."
Each gave a dull look into the camera.
"Well, have a seat and we'll get started!"
Sitting back down, the Fan watched as Mr. Lego went to stand next to the door. "Now," he said, "we plan to have a few serials as time goes on, but one of the first we will be rolling out will be…The Yesterday Quest!"
The Fan nodded. "I see! That name…doesn't make much sense, but I suppose it sounds cool."
"This is why we held that poll. The top three Elements fans want to see Toa for have been chosen, and here's the team who will be going on this quest!"
As a Toa walked in, Mr. Lego gestured with one arm and said, "Zaria, Toa of Iron! He's one of the few beings in the universe who has killed a Makuta, but the experience haunts him and makes him a troubled outcast type character. People tend to avoid him—he's so lonely, cursed with this awesome power and filled with pain that no one can understand. Our target audience eats up stuff like this!"
The Fan craned their neck. "What's with his armor? All those sharp edges…his shadow looks like a hedgehog."
Mr. Lego turned to look. "Uh, I suppose so. But, we compiled all of our data on what kids think is 'cool' to get this look, so I'm sure it'll turn out well."
Scratching their head, the Fan watched as Zaria stepped aside and another Toa entered.
"Moving on, we have Chiara, Toa of Lightning! Since we've received a lot of criticism on having such little diversity in the personality of our female characters, she will be hotheaded and irritable, and we'll get a quick display of how unlike other female Toa she is when we show her casually kill a defenseless animal."
"What?" the Fan remarked. "But, isn't that against the Toa Code? I mean, it sounds like she's crossing the line from irritable into unnecessarily cruel."
"But…she's different! And did I mention she's the ever-loved 'lone wolf' type? Her appeal is limitless!"
The Fan hummed, unsure, as Chiara cleared the way for the third Toa.
"Lastly, Orde, Toa of Psionics! He—"
"Wait, he?" interrupted the Fan. "But you already established that Toa of Psionics are female."
"Yes, well, Orde was the first Toa of Psionics created. After he messed up his first mission for being too aggressive, the Great Beings decided every other Toa of Psionics should be female."
"…What? That doesn't make any sense at all! That's not a good enough reason for making a male Toa of a female Element."
Mr. Lego shrugged. "Well, these were the Elements fans voted on. Either the Psionics or Lightning Toa needed to be made male—we can't have more than one female per team."
The Fan blinked.
Mr. Lego drew out a book labelled "The Laws of Bonkle-Making". Opening it, he read, "Since this theme is directed at boys, who obviously hate girls, we can't overdo the number of female characters and must only have one per team. Exceptions can be made for pairs of Water types but don't show these too often and be sure to off-set it with plenty of male-only pairs trying to fulfill the same purpose."
"…Didn't you think that maybe the fans voted for Psionics and Lightning because they wanted to see more female characters?"
Mr. Lego stared a moment, and then turned back to the book. "It's a rule, though."
The Fan sighed.
Setting the book down, Mr. Lego asked, "Well, what do you think? Excited for The Yesterday Quest yet?"
The Fan looked from Zaria, to Chiara, to Orde, to the floor. After thinking for a moment, they stood and shook their head. "I'm sorry, Mr. Lego. I wanted to like this, really I did, but you've made it pretty difficult."
"What?!" Mr. Lego exclaimed. "But…it's totally cool!"
"You somehow combined trying too hard with not trying enough. I just don't think this is going to work out."
Mr. Lego looked to the Toa, and then sighed. "…Perhaps you are right."
He pulled out his phone. "Director, please cancel The Yesterday Quest. No, it's no good, even telling them about the Great Being disguised as an inhabitant of the Matoran Universe won't be enough to salvage this mess."
The Fan's eyes widened. "Wait, what did you say?!"
Mr. Lego pointed to the Toa. "Alright, you heard them. Your contracts are voided."
As the Toa walked out, the Fan said, "Wait, wait, maybe we can still save this! Come on, Mr. Lego, let's talk!"
Mr. Lego left, and the lights in the conference room went out.
"Oh well…maybe Hero Factory will have some interesting plot points."
Notes:
Being about the attempts to salvage G1's demise, this seemed like the best piece to end on.
Now, please don't take this too seriously. I was thrilled Lego was trying to keep the Bionicle story going, and I enjoyed The Yesterday Quest and wanted to see where it would go. Heck, the complaints about Zaria and Chiara are really just things I've come across in hindsight. (And no, they never specified Zaria's appearance, that line's just there for the jokes.)
However, one problem I had from the beginning was Orde. We finally had a chance to try to improve that horrible gender ratio, and whoever was in charge decided, "You know what? Let's not do that." I could go on, but I should just let the story speak for itself.
Also, please don't think that I hate Hero Factory. It was enjoyable enough…but the joke holds up, since its story never did become one of its strong suits. Let's be real here.
Well, with that, I've officially moved every story I feel is worth sharing! Thank you for reading these pieces, and I hope they proved entertaining. I hope to provide you with more content in the future!
