Voldemort threw his hands in the air. "How could you have not seen this coming?"

"He was a spy last time," Lucius scowled, "perhaps we misinterpreted where his loyalties lie."

"I misinterpreted nothing. You brought him to me. You said he would be a good potions master."

"And was I wrong?" the blond asked, his eyes narrowing. "He did his job well. We must have missed the fact the mudblood played such an important role in his childhood."

"I knew that!" the dark lord screeched. "That's why I agreed to let her live."

"Oh, and she's alive and breathing and living happily ever after with him."

"Enough! I think you're forgetting your place. Crucio."

The spell hit Lucius and he dropped, screaming in pain. He curled in a ball as the spell stopped.

"Hurts, doesn't it?" Wormtail asked, smirking. The blond glared.

"Not only did we lose the spy's loyalties, but your sister-in-law is not responding to any of my calls," Voldemort said, holding his hands behind his back. "Have you heard back from your wife, Lucius?"

"No, my lord," the man said, slowly climbing from his position on the floor. "It appears I have lost communication with her, as well."

"Let me get this straight: you have not one, but two, women out of your control."

"With all due respect, my lord, have you ever tried to control a Black?"

"This is not how I planned," Voldemort mumbled, straightening and looking at his minions.

"Should we move up our attack on Hogwarts?" Rudolphos asked, breaking out from the line of death eaters.

Blaise snorted. "Yeah, that'd be great! Storm Hogwarts full of children trained by our own traitor. Have you seen Snape's skills?"

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Voldemort asked, wand pointed at the seventh year.

"Did you give Rudolphos permission to speak?"

"We are not a democracy! Crucio," the dark lord said. The boy dropped to the floor, screaming. "Does anyone else have any bright ideas they would like to share with the class?"

The legion of death eaters retreated a step or two.

Lucius turned to his brother-in-law. "We have no strategic advantage at Hogwarts. The headmaster is obviously a traitor, our main hold is incommunicado, and my wife refuses to answer my owls."

"That sounds more like a personal problem," Wormtail said under his breath.

"Well, how do we know he's a traitor?" Nott asked, scowling. "Wasn't he seen kidnapping a known member of the Order?"

"While in the company of the top three undesirables?" MacNair pointed out.

"And let's not forget, he was pretending to be Narcissa and investigating the night Fudge was arrested." Dawlish shook his head. "I mean, is he any use to us at this point? He seems a bit addled to me."

"From what I've been told, it comes with educating children," Amycus Carrow said, shrugging.

"We wait," Voldemort said, facing his crew head on. "We wait until they are vulnerable. We wait until they leave the castle, and then we attack them."

FPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFP

"So, let me get this straight," Narcissa said slowly, bouncing Siria on her knee. "My son time-traveled, changed sides in the war, and I'm just hearing about this now?"

"Be lucky you're hearing it at all," Regulus mumbled, arms crossed. "Can I have my niece back now?"

"And somehow you're alive…"

"Niece, now."

"And I have to keep my sister tied up in my office?"

"It would be ever so helpful if you did," Severus said, leaning against his desk. "I do not need another staff meeting reminding everyone for the proper protocol when a student calls out in class."

"To be fair, the Crucio only lasted a minute."

"She cruciod a first year!"

"My question is why she was even around first-years in the first place," Harry said, quill pausing in the air. "Isn't she teaching Muggle Studies?"

"She has two students and I needed an extra pair of eyes," Narcissa said, sighing. "Do you realize how quickly things can go wrong in a potions classroom?"

"No," Severus rolled his eyes, "I have no idea."

"Is that why you were always so grumpy in class?" Luna asked, sipping her tea.

"Yes, Miss Lovegood. That is exactly why."

"Now, all he has to do is deal with angry parents, incompetent history professors, and annoying Gryffindors," Dora said, eyes scanning some paperwork she'd brought with her.

"Are we going to sit here and talk?" Hermione asked, scowling. "Or are we going to deal with the auror that's been tied up in the Room of Requirement for the past five days?"

"First, we need to make sure Cissy here is on our side," Sirius said.

Remus furrowed his brow. "And what if she's not?"

"There's plenty of room in her office."

"Are you threatening me?" Narcissa asked.

Severus shook his head. "No one is threatening you, Narcissa. At the very least, I still need someone to teach potions."

"I could!"

"Lupin, put your hand down! You almost burned down the school twice in fifth year."

"It was a full moon. I didn't have any control over what I was doing!"

Sirius shrugged. "You could have skipped class."

"And lose my perfect attendance award that year?"

"I could also teach potions, technically," Draco said, raising his hand.

"Since when?" Narcissa asked, her bouncing baby giggling.

"Since I obtained my potions mastery two weeks ago?"

They all gasped. Hermione turned and glared at her boyfriend.

"And when were you going to tell me about this?"

"When you weren't planning to overthrow the current government."

Regulus's eyes narrowed. "She's actually been doing that?"

"She has a very detailed plan laid out."

"We have to figure out some way to gain back control of the ministry!" Hermione said, throwing her hands in the air. "Even if Voldemort is destroyed, people don't give up power easily."

Narcissa turned to Severus. "You just heard your student is planning to overthrow a regime, and you have nothing to say about it?"

"It's the least dangerous thing she could be doing right now," Severus said, shrugging. "The last time I left her bored, I ended up with a small wormhole I had to deal with in the Chamber of Secrets."

"And when were you going to tell me about this?" Sirius asked, hands on hips. "How long ago was this? Hogwarts has a very specific statute of limitations."

"I dare you to punish Hermione Granger."

"I've done it in the past."

"No," Severus shook his head, "I've done it in the past. You just didn't disagree loudly enough."

"What was she even doing with a wormhole?" Remus asked.

"I found a spell that no one knows the effects of and mixed it with another spell that said it would help me see into the future," Hermione said, eyes pointed up at the sky.

"Needless to say, Latin is no longer a possible elective course," Severus said. He shook his head and turned to Narcissa. "Can we trust you not to go to the dark lord?"

"And not to let your sister go," Neville said, reading over Harry's shoulder. "It would not be a good idea to have her running about." He pointed to a spot on the scroll. "You spelled wormhole wrong."

"How do you spell wormhole wrong?" Draco asked, brow quirked.

"There's not two w's."

"Why is he writing everything down?" Narcissa asked, pointing to Harry.

"It's the council of time travelers," Luna said. "Harry's in charge of minutes." She sighed. "Aren't men in power sexy?"

"I refrain from answering," Dora said. "I've already emotionally scarred you all too much."

"I think you've emotionally scarred me the most," Severus said under his breath.

"Can we hurry this along?" Remus asked, looking at his watch. "Annie has lamaze class in fifteen minutes and if I miss again, I am a dead man."

"You're really whipped, aren't you, Lupin?" Regulus asked, finally standing up and snatching Siria from Narcissa. "Mine."

"What are you, two?" Narcissa asked, arms crossed.

"We need to get back on track. We have an auror in handcuffs and I don't want to be arrested for holding a keeper of the peace captive," Sirius said, taking Siria from Regulus. "And she's technically mine."

"Why is no one questioning the fact that the head of Hogwarts and his deputy kidnapped an auror?" Narcissa asked.

"Answer our question," Dora looked up from her paperwork, "and we'll answer yours."

"Fine!" Narcissa huffed. "For as long as you have my son's loyalties—and my adorable cousin—you have mine."

"So, long as we keep you babysitter, you're on our side?" Harry asked.

"Until I have grandchildren."

"As to your question regarding the missing auror presence at the gates," Severus said, rubbing his eyes, "Miss Granger's little experiment with the wormhole led to a discovery."

"Which is?" Remus asked, motioning for everyone to move quicker.

"Just leave, Lupin."

"Au revoir, everyone!" the lycanthrope said as he grabbed his cloak and left.

"What did her experiment reveal?" Sirius asked, bouncing his daughter on his hip.

"If you throw a time turner into a wormhole, it will cause a time loop wherever the hole is located until such time as it can be destroyed," Severus said.

"So, there's a wormhole outside the auror office and no one is questioning it?"

"It's outside the ministry and no one has figured it out yet."

"So, in essence, she already overthrew the government?" Minerva said. "Why am I not surprised?"

"This is what happens when you give a thirteen-year-old a time turner two times in a row," Dora said, not looking up from her forms.

"Enough!" Severus grabbed his wand. "Let's go interrogate the auror currently handcuffed to the Room of Requirement."

They were off. Narcissa chased after Severus, who was a man on a mission. She turned to look behind her, and saw ten other people following them.

"Does everyone have to come?" she asked.

"Well, I don't need to be there," Neville said, shrugging. "But I have nowhere else to be."

"Why don't you go down to my office and goad my sister?"

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"She's magically chained up and drugged. If she can figure out how to use wandless magic while high on…what did you call that drug, Severus?"

"Rohypnol?"

"Yes, while high on Rohypnol, then we have bigger problems."

Neville nodded and left, eyes glinting madly.

"Should I follow him?" Dora asked.

"You just want to help him," Regulus said accusingly.

"No…well, maybe…"

"Why has it taken you this long to question Kingsley?" Minerva asked, following. "Do you know how hard it is to keep children away from the Room of Requirement?"

"We had to capture Bellatrix."

"And do last minute Christmas shopping," Regulus said with a shrug.

"And that was a two-day affair," Dora said, shaking her head.

"Well, excuse me for wanting my niece's first Christmas to be memorable."

"Regulus, I told Sirius, I will tell you: if that child remembers any of this, I will personally sign her up for a school for the gifted," Severus said, yanking the door open to the ROR.

"I want my barrister!" Kingsley called out.

"We're not the government. You have no rights."

"I thought we're on the same side."

"Not when you're hiding a horcrux."

"What the hell is a horcrux?" Kingsley asked, struggling against his chains.

"Have you not been paying attention in any of the order meetings?" Dora asked, crossing her arms. "That's all we've been talking about for the past six months."

"After the first five minutes, your fiancee's voice puts me to sleep."

"Hey," Sirius said, scowling. "No one gets to make fun of Spots except for me and Remus."

"And somehow I'm okay with that now," Severus said.

"Perhaps it's Stockholm Syndrome," Hermione said. Everyone stared at her blankly. "You know, the condition where you end up relating to and loving your kidnappers and abusers?"

Severus shook his head. "Beside the point. The necklace, Shacklebolt. Where is the dang necklace?"

"I told you I don't know what you're talking about!" the auror said, using all his strength to bounce the chair.

"Maybe the horcrux causes amnesia?" Minerva said, brow quirked.

"I wish," Hermione grumbled. "I would love to forget the camping trip from hell."

"It could be a defense mechanism," Draco pointed out.

"Or cantankerous men could really have the same taste in dates," Luna said.

"In which case, we just committed a felony for nothing," Sirius said.

"And it's all Severus's fault," Regulus said, smirking.

"Blacks, shut up," Severus said, glaring.

"Have we checked his home?" Narcissa asked.

The others all stared at each other.

"You know what," Harry said, nodding slowly, "why didn't we think of that?"

"Because we had to put way too much thought in how to contain Bellatrix," Dora said, rushing out of the room.

"Where's she going?" Minerva asked, brow furrowed.

"My guess would be to look up Shacklebolt's address," Luna said calmly.

Everyone stared at one another a moment. Suddenly, they all rushed out of the room. When they arrived at Severus's office, they opened the door to find his desk covered in papers.

"Where did all this come from?" Regulus asked, scowling.

"I found out that if you weren't at the ministry when the time loop began, you're not stuck in it. I was able to go in, grab employee files, and get my butt out of there," Dora said, scanning a new folder file.

"And if that hadn't worked?" Severus asked, glaring.

"Well, you aren't going to keep the ministry in a time loop forever." Dora shrugged. "I knew my knight in shining armor would come to save me."

"Why wouldn't we keep them in a time loop?" Regulus asked. "They're more productive this way."

Sirius rubbed his forehead. "For the last time, Regulus. Anarchy is never the answer."

"It worked pretty well for me."

"Would've worked better if you hadn't left the locket with Kreacher…"

"I found it!" Dora yelled out, holding up a piece of parchment. "He lives in London."

"I could've told you that!" Harry said. "Anyone could have told you that! Who would want a floo commute any longer?"

"The Weasleys' commute is way out there," Hermione pointed out.

"Yeah, but they're dirt poor. Do you believe for a moment they could afford a full-sized house in London?" Draco said.

"Whereas a bachelor making auror money," Dora held up his file, "it makes a little more sense."

"Where in London?" Severus asked, exasperated. "If the only thing that I achieve in my life is all of you getting to the point, I will die a happy man."

"He lives on Bakers Street."

"Like Sherlock Holmes?" Hermione asked, brow furrowed.

"No, like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. Of course, like Sherlock Holmes!" Severus said, grabbing his cloak. "If any of you ask any more idiotic questions, you're not allowed to come."

"I'll stay here and hold down the fort," Minerva said, sitting down.

"And someone has to take care of Siria," Narcissa said, taking the tot from her father's arms.

"And someone has to take care of Narcissa," Regulus said, taking his niece from her.

"I'll leave you all to fight over my daughter," Sirius said, grabbing some floo powder. "Are we taking all the students on some sort of crazy field trip, or…?"

"Lovegood, you're on Longbottom duty," Severus said.

"Can I take more of Bellatrix's hair?" Luna asked.

"As long as you promise not to cause a national terror incident…"

"What about a local terror incident?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Don't leave the castle, and don't take more than three hours-worth of polyjuice potion. The last thing we need is Luna Lovegood with an infinite supply of Eua de Bellatrix Lestrange."

The headmaster disappeared in the floo, only to reappear moments later in a dust-filled apartment. Dora coughed as Hermione patted her back.

"I know Kingsley's a bachelor, but that's no excuse for not cleaning out his chimney," the metamorphmagus said, wiping her hands on her pants.

"Dora, dear, you are a witch. Use a spell, not your pants," Severus said, casting an Augmenti at his fiancee.

"Now you just sound like Mum," Dora huffed.

"What is it about being raised in the muggle world that people suddenly forget to use their wands?" Draco asked, moving towards a bookcase and pulling out the first one he found. "A History of the Auror Department?" He picked out another one. "How to Win Friends and Influence People?"

"What are you getting at, Malfoy?" Sirius asked, brow quirked. "Hoping to open a trap door?"

Draco shrugged. "More like a secret room, but I do find his collection interesting."

"That's actually a good idea," Hermione said, moving to the bookcase. "Not the secret room part, that's idiotic. But a possessed man might think to carve a book out and hide the locket in there."

"Poor book," Draco said, shuddering.

"Here's a criminal justice text," Harry said, helping them with their search.

"We don't need a catalogue," Severus growled, pulling out a new book. "Just open and look."

"And don't put them back on the shelf," Sirius said, pulling one from the top shelf and throwing it on the floor. "The last thing we need is an infinite loop of searching the same book."

"What's Shacklebolt doing with a Bible?" Hermione asked, pulling out a copy.

"He's Anglican," Dora said. "For a while, Grandpa Tonks kept pushing me towards him."

"I'm Anglican, too," Severus said, crossing his arms.

Harry turned to Tonks. "Is your standard just older men?"

The metamorphmagus tilted her head. "That would explain why I didn't get a date until after Hogwarts."

"Because before then all of them would have been committing a felony?" Severus asked, brow quirked.

"I guess I just like the fact they're more mature and more experienced."

"More experienced with what?" Harry asked, brow furrowed.

"We'll be stopping this conversation," Severus said, bristling.

"And in what world is Severus experienced?" Sirius asked.

"He wasn't inexperienced," Dora muttered.

"Again, stopping this conversation now," Severus said, his cheek reddening.

Draco turned to his friend. "Who do you think is more experienced: Sirius or Severus?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Have you seen pictures of them in Hogwarts? Definitely Sirius."

"Thank you for the vote of confidence, Miss Granger," Sirius said smugly.

"If I hear this became a betting pool between Gryffindor and Slytherin, the whole lot of you are grounded," Severus said through gritted teeth.

"No," Dora shook her head, "the pool would be over Remus and Sirius."

"I'm the only one who hasn't gotten his significant other pregnant."

"We said experienced, not smarter."

Sirius shook his head and moved on to the next bookcase. "This is why Kingsley is a bachelor. He has two large floor-to-ceiling bookcases dedicated to auror training."

"And people skills," Harry said, holding up How to Get Along with Almost Anybody.

"I have three bookcases twice this size all dedicated to potions journals," Severus pointed out, "and I'm engaged."

"But you've only been in a relationship the past two years," Hermione said. "And only this time around."

"Yeah, last time you were still pining after Harry's mom," Draco said.

"And you know this how?" Severus asked.

"We were on the run for three months and in that time, you had whispered conversations with her at least a hundred times," Draco said, looking up from his search.

"That's not creepy at all," Harry said under his breath.

"Harry, you have conversations with your dead mom."

"Enough," Dora said, rolling her eyes. "It's not in any of the books."

"Where would an orphan hide his most valuable possessions?" Draco asked, sighing. He turned to his friend. "Harry?"

"Huh?" Harry asked, looking up from a large tome.

"Where did you hide your things from the Dursleys?"

The boy-who-lived shrugged. "There was loose floor board in Dudley's second bedroom. I had to do a bit of renovation to make my trunk fit in case I wanted to bring it up at some point, but it's not like I didn't have tons of time to tear up most of the floor."

Silence filled the air for a moment.

"Alright," Sirius slammed a book shut, "everyone, look for loose floorboards."

"Oof!" Dora called out, falling to the floor. "I found one!"

"Dora, dear, I know you're dedicated, but you don't need to throw yourself into your work," Severus said with a smirk.

"Ha, ha, ha," the metamorphamagus said humorlessly.

"You two can deal with this in couples' therapy later," Sirius said, pulling up the board. He pulled out a small pouch and held it up for all to see. "Aha! That was easy!"

"That's not a good thing," Hermione said, eyes narrowing. "The last time it was this easy, we almost drowned in gold."

Dora squinted. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It is when my daughter's involved," Sirius said.

Draco shrugged. "She is the one that messed everything up." He turned to his godfather. "When was someone going to tell me my family has a throne?"

"Just what I need," Severus moaned, "another Prince Malfoy."

"Let's just get the locket and get out of here," Sirius said, pulling the drawstring open. His brow furrowed. "Looks like there's an expansion charm on here."

"Why in the world would someone put an expansion charm on a pouch meant for a necklace?" Hermione asked, face scrunched in thought.

Sirius shrugged and made to flip over the bag.

"Why would anyone…" Severus's eyes widened in terror. "Sirius, no!"

But it was too late. Sirius had upended the bag and dozens of snakes poured out, all at least three feet long and an inch-and-a-half wide. Their colors ranged from brown to yellow to vibrant red. One particularly green one slithered towards Sirius.

The animagus jumped into Severus's arms. "Spots, save me."

"This from the man who fathered a daughter," the ex-spy said, rolling his eyes.

"Uhm, Harry?" Dora asked, looking at the boy as a snake cornered her. "Can you please call of your pets?"

"They're not mine!" Harry said, accidentally bumping into one. It doubled. "Don't touch them!"

"Yes, but you talk snake!" Hermione said, crawling up onto a desk near the windowsill.

"I speak South American, European, and Asian snake. They are all speaking African."

"Snakes speak in different languages?" Draco asked.

"And you can tell the difference?" Severus said, brow quirked. "Fascinating. We should discuss this some time. Write a book perhaps."

"Yes," Hermione snapped. "Because it's really important for the world to know each continent has its own snake language." She glared. "That's super useful information."

"Now is not the time to cop an attitude," Sirius said, still clinging to his best friend.

"Sirius Black, I am not afraid to drop you," Severus said, trying to shift the animagus's wait.

"Please don't," the man whimpered.

"Since when is Sirius afraid of snakes?" Dora asked.

"Since when hasn't he been?" Draco asked, glaring. "He spent his entirety of Hogwarts actively terrorizing them. If you ask me, that's a warning sign right there!"

"Enough!" Severus snapped. "We have to get out of here." He pointed his wand, dropping the animagus on a couch. "Evanesco!"

"Uhm, Uncle Sev…" Draco said, eyes widening in terror. "I think the dark lord cursed the snakes, so that instead of vanishing them…"

"They grew!" Harry yelled. "Is this the type of terror all of you feel when you come across a common adder?"

"Yes!" they all said in unison.

"What can we do?" Hermione asked, pacing the length of the desk. "We can't touch them, we can't vanish them, and we can't reason with them."

At that moment, Severys popped out of Draco's sleeve. He slithered down his owner and went over to sniff one of the snakes. He hissed, and the snake hissed back.

"What in the world are they saying?" Severus asked.

"Well, I think Severys is currently speaking Africanese snake, which is very interesting because he's a common North American coral snake," Harry said.

Severys bobbed his head after a minute more and all the snakes mimicked him. He slithered over to Harry.

":They say they will grant you safe passage if you'll give them a home..:" Severys translated for Harry. Green eyes sparkled.

"Hey, everyone! We're saved! They'll grant safe passage if we take them with!"

"No!" Severus the professor said. "I refuse to grant wishes to over fifty snakes."

"You were just saying you wanted to write a book on snakes," Dora pointed out. "We could put them in the sack, take them back to Hogwarts, and build a habitat in your office."

"Just what every parent wants to see when coming to parent-teacher conferences, a habitat full of fifty snakes."

"We could use the Chamber of Secrets," Draco said.

"No! We are not bartering with snakes!"

"But I want a pet snake, too!" Harry said.

"You have an owl and a dog," Severus said, arms crossed.

"Yes, but I have to share the dog with seven other people and a baby."

"Spots, it's either barter with snakes or be bitten to death." Sirius shook his head. "I never thought I would have to say those words."

"There are a lot of things, Sirius Black, that I never thought I'd have to say," Severus said, rubbing his eyes.

"Would one of them happen to be, 'Miss Granger, why is there a black hole in the Chamber of Secrets?'" Dora asked.

"I would think, 'Dora, I refuse to be handcuffed for theatrics sake,' is up there, too." Hermione said, glaring.

"Really? Because I'm positive, 'Miss Lovegood, if you come into my rooms again without my express permission, I will give you a month's worth of detention' has to be in the top five," Sirius said as he levitated a snake back into the pouch. "Did anyone find the locket, by the way?"

Harry dove into the pile of snakes, causing them to duplicate several times. "Here it is!" He held it up, along with a livid garter snake. "Hey, look! A garter snake! At least one snake I can understand!" The boy-who-lived stared into the snake's eyes for a moment. "Wow, he's pissed!"

"Great!" Severus said, now following Sirius's lead. "We shall move all these snakes into the pouch and take them to Hogwarts where we can deal with them then."

"I think I found Siria's Christmas present!" Harry called out, holding out the little garter snake. "It says it loves little girls. His name is..."

"No! No snakes!" Sirius yelled as he apparated them out.