This is a rewrite of something I'd originally only put on AO3, but figured I'd put on here too I hope you enjoy! Follow me on tumblr at ackerdude for more anime trash

She knew it was him before she even opened the door. His unique scent of not quite ghoul, not quite human, and something distinctly Kaneki hits her like a train. Her fist clenches around the key she holds in her hand, and she feels the teeth bite into her palm. She can picture him waiting for her just behind the door.

No. This can't be happening.

Months. It's been months since she last heard from him and all of the sudden he thinks he can stroll into her apartment like he hadn't left? Like he hasn't been an instrumental piece in the most violent group of ghouls in the country's history?

Touka clenches her teeth and tries to control the white-hot rage filling her veins. She can feel her heart up in her throat and her hands are shaking. She tries to tell herself it's just fury and not adrenaline or anticipation she feels because he's suddenly so close. Because he's suddenly here.

She keeps her eyes glued on the apartment door in front of her, the key quivering in her fingers as she attempts to steel herself against the sudden onslaught of emotions that came along with knowing he was just inside, that she finally might be able to get everything, the hurt, the resentment, and an emotion she doesn't really want to identify, off of her chest before he inevitably leaves again.

But what the hell is he thinking showing up after so many months, and in her apartment of all places? He has to know it's a dangerous game he's playing, meeting her alone. Of course, he's probably stronger than she is these days.

Touka takes a deep breath before sliding her key into the lock of the door.

She slowly pushes the door open, trying to gather her wits before actually laying eyes on him. She isn't certain what she'll do once she actually looks at him, but she's feeling a mixture of anxious and murderous so she figures anything can happen.

She turns to face the door as it closes, stalling as long as possible as she tries leveling her head before she has to look him in the face, to confront him and her own feelings.

She's still facing the door when she hears his voice. "Touka…"

She cringes at the sound of her name on his lips, but continues staring at the door in front of her. His voice is rough. Tired. She feels the sting of tears in her eyes. No. She straightens her back and begins to turn around. She will not cry in front of him.

She turns to face him, and she can't help it when her breath audibly catches at the sight of him standing by her kitchen table. His shock of white hair is still something she isn't used to, is still a brutal reminder of what he suffered at the hands of Yamori. But it's obvious he isn't the scrawny kid he was several months ago; his shoulders are broader, his sleeves tighter around his crossed arms, his stance purposeful and sturdy.

His eyes though, are weak, and not in the way they used to be before. Before, they were uncertain, tentative, and afraid. Now she can see the utter defeat and sorrow behind his eyes. She can almost feel the penitence rolling off of him, and a wave of remorseful sympathy washes over her, nearly bringing her to her knees. She almost forgets the rage built up in her veins.

Almost.

Her eyes flit away from his face, terrified of what else she might see, of what he might be able to see in her.

"Touka," he repeats, and she stiffens again, still not meeting his eyes. "Touka, please look at me."

She continues staring at his feet, teeth clenched, and begins to panic when he starts to approach her from across the room. She begins to feel the heat of him—or is it her own anger burning her up?—as he gets closer and closer. She doesn't look at him.

They are nearly chest to chest when she feels fingertips on her chin, gently trying to lift her face. She feels her hands clench even tighter, feels her blood begin to boil beneath her skin as she screws her eyes shut. His touch just seems to fuel the rage inside her.

"Touka," she hears him say again, his voice soft but insistent. His calloused hand moves from her chin to cup her cheek. She hears an audible click as she grits her teeth, but if he hears it, he ignores it.

"Pl—" his plea is cut off rather abruptly as Touka's overwhelming maelstrom of emotions boils over, her clenched fist making hard contact with his cheek. The crack of the bone is sickeningly satisfying, but she knows she will never be able to inflict an ounce of the pain on him as he did on her in just a single punch.

But it still feels good.

"What the hell, Touka!" Kaneki shouts at her from where he landed on the floor, tentatively running his fingers along his already bruising cheekbone. Whatever he had been expecting her to do, it certainly wasn't that. Of course, what did he think would happen? He knew her, and he knew she'd always rather fight than talk out her emotions. He should've anticipated a meeting like this.

"'What the hell'? Are you fucking serious, Kaneki?" she whispers, and somehow that's even more terrifying than her screaming at him. Her voice is low, her eyes burning with tears and anger.

She begins to charge him again, but he's on his feet in half a second. She starts throwing more punches, which he dodges and blocks easily now that he realized she was looking for a fight.

"You leave for months without contacting us and you make a name for yourself as one of the most dangerous ghouls in the Ward—you know what they're calling you? The Eyepatch," she spits at him, and she feels her kagune rip their way out of her skin as she tries to land a punch to his throat. She begins to see red.

His eyes widen at Touka's sudden change in appearance, her black and red eyes still as startling as when he first saw them, her kagune still dangerously beautiful, but he doesn't falter. He brings Rize's tentacle-like kagune out to match Touka's.

They continue to fight, fists and kagune battling like mad, but for the moment no one has the upper hand.

"Me, Hide, Yoshimura, Hinami," Touka begins to list off between blows, "Hell, even Nishiki and Kimi, we were all worried to death about you while you were out there pillaging the whole goddamn country, and now you come back and expect everyone to just forgive you?"

Her tone must catch him off guard because he hesitates for just a fraction of a second, but it's long enough. She manages to land a jab to his stomach, causing him to lose his breath and double over. She takes advantage of the position and knees his face. A sickening crack, followed by a spurt of blood, and he falls to the ground.

Touka goes to stand over him, and he stares at her as he lays on his back, his chest heaving and nose gushing blood, with an emotion on his face that she can't identify. It's not fear, sadness, or even apathy as she expected. Guilt? But no, she wasn't done yet.

"Do you have any idea what we've been through?" she angrily whispers as she kneels next to him and brings the knuckles of one fist down on his chest, making him gasp.

Hot tears begin to make their way down her cheeks. "You promised you wouldn't leave," she grasps at his shirt, resigning to just let her forehead rest on her clenched fingers. "You promised. You made a home here, Kaneki. Why the hell did you leave?"

They both lay on her kitchen floor for an unknown amount of time, both trying to catch their breath and process what just happened.

Touka's silent tears begin soaking through Kaneki's shirt, and it's obvious she's spent. Kaneki feels similarly, it's been a while since he's had an opponent as determined as Touka, but he hasn't given up the on conversation he'd shown up here to have with her. He sits up carefully, trying not to jostle her too much. She doesn't move.

"Touka," he sighs again, and this time, she looks him in the eyes. His cheek is already turning back to its normal pale tone and his nose has stopped bleeding, but the intensity in his gaze catches her off guard.

He runs one hand through his ivory bangs, the other carefully moving to support Touka's back as she leans on him. "Do you think this is what I wanted to do? Do you think I wanted to leave the life I built at Anteiku with you, Hinami, and the others?" Touka shakes her head in confusion, not knowing what else to do. She looks back down to her lap, at her fiddling hands, but Kaneki, once again, brings his hand up underneath her chin and she holds his gaze.

"I didn't want to leave everything I have here, Touka. I just wanted to make sure there would still be a home I could come back to," he sighs, letting go of her chin, and she resigns to let her forehead against his shoulder as she listens to him. "I just wanted to make sure there would still be a home we could come back to," he finishes after a pause.

Touka raises her head slightly to look at him. To really look at him. His eyes shine with emotion and they're filled with something so earnest and solemn that it makes her heart ache.

He's not the same boy he was when he first arrived at Anteiku, utterly confused and terrified of his own impulses, unsure of what to do now that his life had completely changed. No, this was a ghoul, one infamous for the murder of humans and ghouls alike, infamous for cannibalism, infamous for the death and danger that constantly surrounds him.

And looking at him now, Touka knows she should probably be afraid, but instead she feels nothing but anger.

Touka shakes her head once again, and the movement draws Kaneki's attention back to her, a confused look in his stormy grey eyes. "Kaneki Ken," Touka starts, and she can tell Kaneki is surprised by the amount of venom laced in her words, "you absolute son of a bitch."

Cutting off any questioning from Kaneki, Touka forcefully hooks one arm around the back of his neck and crushes his mouth to her own.

Touka relishes in the furious energy behind the kiss, letting all the rage, resentment, and sorrow she's felt for him in the past few months come out in this single, harsh action.

A few seconds later Touka breaks away rashly, landing a sharp slap to the side of Kaneki's face. He looks at her, utterly bewildered by how quickly the mood has changed. "What the h—" he begins, only to be cut off again by her.

"You need to stop trying to be the fucking hero all the time, you idiot," she whispers to him. With that, she wraps her arms tightly around his neck, kneeling beside him as he sits on her kitchen floor, and tries to bring him to meet her in another kiss.

Calloused yet kind fingertips come up to press against her lips, stopping her. She groans and her head falls back to his shoulder, frustrated. "What?" she bites out.

"Touka," he withdraws from her slightly, just enough to look at her face. He moves one hand to cup the back of her head lightly, fingers playing gently with the ends of her hair, and the other comes up to carefully brush a thumb across her bottom lip. "Is this really what you want? You're upset, you're not thinking straight. I don't want you to do anything you'll regret." He presses their foreheads together.

Touka shuts her eyes tightly, drowning in the sensation of his hot breath caressing her lips. She inhales deeply and brings a hand up to clutch at the fabric of his shirt covering his chest. She can feel him shiver as her fingernails scratch his chest through the thin material.

"Kaneki," she begins, and hears his breath stutter, "I haven't heard from you in months, and you're finally here in front of me. I'm so, so frustrated right now but please, just… let me make sure this is real." The frustrated tears that had momentarily stopped leak slowly down her face again, and he wipes her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

She leans into his touch, waiting for him to answer her. It's true she's upset, it's true fiery anger is still running through her, but she's resigned to fighting the bigger emotion that's been brewing inside her for ages now. She just needs to be near him, that is, if he'll let her.

The gesture is so subtle, that if his forehead hadn't been pressed to her own, she wouldn't have noticed it. She feels the slow nod of his head, and suddenly a fire of a different kind shoots through her veins.

The grip she has on his shirt tightens, and she surges forward to crash their lips together.

The kiss is clumsy and uncoordinated, as he hadn't expected the amount fervor and want, but he quickly makes up for it and kisses her back hard, hand tightening as he shoves it in her hair.

She gasps at the unexpected roughness of the assault, but the gasp turns into a sigh as the warmth of him begins to engulf her entire being, starting from her lips and spreading out all the way to her toes. It takes no time for her to match him, bringing her arms to wrap around his broad shoulders as she does so.

He groans softly when she twists her fingers into his snowy hair, tugging lightly at the strands, and the sound causes her to push even harder against his lips.

He complies immediately, encircling his arms around her waist and lifting her so she sits on his lap. She gasps again at the sudden movement, and Kaneki takes advantage of it by gently slipping his tongue between her lips. A soft whimper escapes her and she feels his arms tighten around her.

He tastes so sweet, and she wants more.

Her grip tightens in his hair, and she pulls back, only to press her face into his neck. Her breath comes in quick bursts.

A smile tugs at her lips as she feels him shiver against her, and she can feel his hot exhales puffing against her hair. Her smile widens before she presses her lips to his throat. She trails her kisses down to his collarbone, teeth gliding lightly across his skin, and she remembers a time they were in a similar position, one that ended in her taking a bite out of him.

She has to bite her lip at the memory of his taste, and tries not to think about it too much as she runs her tongue back up his throat to press a kiss under his jawbone.

She gasps as his hands mess around the hem of her shirt, a couple of fingers brushing against the bare skin of her waist. She can feel goosebumps prickle all over her body as he spreads his hand over the small of her back and the sting of his nails beginning to dig into her skin makes her gasp.

She moves her kisses back up to his mouth and softly presses her tongue against his lips. She feels him buck up slightly as he opens his mouth to her, and she has to repress a needy whimper. He pulls back a bit to catch her lower lip between his teeth, biting down lightly and groaning when she rolls her hips into his in response.

"Touka," he murmurs against her lips and she feels herself smile at his breathlessness.

"God, I missed you," she whispers, and runs a hand through his bangs, pushing them back so she can properly see his face.

His cheeks are flushed as he bends down to press a tender kiss to her lips, and her hand smooths down his neck before gripping the collar of his shirt.

He pulls back to press his face into her neck, placing a kiss to her pulse, and she closes her eyes to better take in the sensation of him wrapped around her. His closeness, his hot breath against her sensitive skin, his scent, were all beginning to drive her crazy.

"Kaneki," she whispers.

He hums a response against her neck, and the vibration raises goosebumps on her skin. He looks up at her, and she can tell he immediately knows what she wants.

He kisses her again and she can feel his smile against her lips as he move his hands from the small of her back to grab under her thighs. He wraps them around his waist before effectively lifting both of them from the kitchen floor and rushing to find her room.

She tightens the grip she has around him and hides her face in his shoulder, trying to catch her breath. This is real, she finds herself thinking, He is real.

When he finally drops her down on the bed, she finds herself smiling at him affectionately, bringing his face down so she can kiss him again. She smiles against his lips when she realizes the position they're in, a position she never would have dreamed of when she first met the cowardly, gutless boy who now held her in his arms.

His teeth scrape against her collarbone, breaking her out of her thought, and the sting makes her gasp as he undoubtedly leaves a mark.

She shoves her hands under the fabric of his shirt and moves them up the expanse of his back, trying not to gasp at the many raised scars she feels on his otherwise smooth skin. Her hands reach the back of his neck, and she presses down to bring him close enough to place a kiss on his forehead, before lifting his shirt over his head.

He lifts his arms to assist her before skimming his own hands beneath her shirt to help her rid the unneeded fabric. He runs his hands up her bare sides, once again bringing his hands up to gently cup her face as he kisses her fervently. He dips his tongue into her mouth and she greedily meets him, trying to taste as much of him as she can.

As she kisses him she grabs the hands that still hold her face and slowly brings them down to cup her breasts through her bra. She can hear him draw in a sharp breath as he touches her, and he freezes, his warm fingers quickly dropping back down to her waist.

"Touka," he groans out as he presses his forehead against hers and the grip he has on her waist tightens.

His hesitance catches her off guard, and she brings a hand up to cup his cheek as she speaks. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" she can tell the amount of concern in her voice surprises him and he shakes his head.

"I can't do this, Touka," she opens her mouth to interrupt him, but he cuts her off when he buries his face in her neck. "Not right now, anyway," he murmurs against her skin.

She presses her fingers against his chin to make him look up at her and she furrows her eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He sighs, and his hot breath against her face makes her shiver.

"I don't know what will happen tomorrow," he tells her honestly, "or the day after that, or the day after that. I don't want to do something like this without knowing for certain that I will be able to stay with you and promise to never leave again. I won't do that to you."

She closes her eyes as the weight of his words hits her, and while it was what she expected, she had fiercely hoped it wouldn't be the case.

"So you're going back." It isn't a question.

He rolls over onto his back and wraps an arm around her to pull her close to him. She can't find the energy to resist as she wraps an hand around his bicep.

"I still need to take care of a few things," he tells her before pressing a kiss to the top of her head, "but I promise you I'll be back. Everyone here means too much to me for me not to fight to keep them safe. You mean too much to me."

She almost groans when he says that, and the grip she has on his arm tightens. She tries to keep her simmering anger from boiling over. He's trying to play the fucking martyr again, she thinks disdainfully, but ultimately keeps her mouth shut. She knows nothing will change his mind about this.

Instead, she rolls so she is partially on top of him, a hand pressed to his cheek as she shakes her head. "I'm holding you up to that promise shitty Kaneki," the name falls affectionately from her mouth. "I expect to see you back here again soon."

He takes the hand she has against his face into his own before pressing a kiss to her palm. She rests her head against his shoulder as he intertwines their fingers and rests them on his bare chest.

He smiles a closed-lipped grin before saying, "Of course."

I hope you enjoyed! Drop me a comment if you wanna