39A/N: I'm supposed to be working on a paper for school but then had this idea while getting dressed (yes, in a turtle neck - but just because it's cold - I promise!) and had to get it out of my system. Let me know what you think!
WARNING: This story deals with domestic violence! If you're into fluffy Rizzles fics, don't read this. I will comment on one of the reviews I got later but I wanted to give anyone who hasn't read Turtleneck yet a heads up...
Four days in a row. That was how long Maura had been wearing turtlenecks now. Different turtlenecks, of course. Fancy turtlenecks made from expensive fabrics Jane could barely pronounce, let alone afford. But turtlenecks nevertheless. It wasn't only the rapid change in attire that had set Jane off though. Maura hadn't just been dressing differently – she also seemed different. More on edge. Panicky. Lonely. Scared. She just had to find out why!
Jane hesitated for a brief moment before she crossed the threshold to the morgue.
No lab techs in sight.
Good.
The ME flinched when Jane called out her name, even though she seemed to calm down quickly once she'd recognized her friend.
"Good morning, Jane" Maura's lightheartedness seemed fake, and so did the smile on her face. "What can I do for you?"
Jane bit her lip. "I need to ask you something"
Maura frowned in confusion or worry – Jane wasn't sure.
"Ok?"
"About your turtle-"
"Tortoise!"
"What?"
"How many times do I have to tell you? Bass is a tortoise, not a-"
"No. I'm not talking about Bass. I need to ask you something about your turtlenecks. Regarding how you haven't been wearing anything else lately..."
Any other day, Maura would've commented on how not wearing anything else would refer to her being naked except for the turtlenecks. Today, she froze for a second, then staggered backwards until she bumped into her desk. L1, maybe T12, she thought. Not that it mattered, but estimating which part of her spine had made contact with the edge of the table took her mind off everything else – at least for a moment.
Coming out of her science-induced trance way too early, Maura realized Jane was holding up her hands in a soothing manner. Unable to bear concerned eyes piercing through her, Maura turned away. She didn't even realize she had closed her eyes until Jane's gentle but raspy voice was encouraging her to open them again. She ignored her.
"Maur?"
No response.
"I can't force you to open your eyes – and even if I could, I wouldn't do that"
No response.
"Maura... You're safe right now. I promise" Jane's voice was barely a whisper. When the detective heard her friend's agonizing sob, she tried to push the thought away that the way Maura was acting right now already confirmed her suspicions.
"I'm here with you" Jane started again, hating the unfamiliar, awkward silence. They were Rizzoli and Isles. Silence had never been anything but comfortable between them. Sometimes, words just hadn't been necessary – but now, it rather seemed like Maura was too ashamed to speak – as if the mere thought was terrifying.
"I swear I'm not gonna hurt you. But will you please look at me?"
Maura blinked rapidly, then opened her eyes for good which Jane acknowledged with a sad smile. The request that followed – spoken gently but completely out of the blue – knocked the breath out of her: "Show me" Jane urged softly and Maura's eyes widened in shock. Jane knew. JaneknewJaneknewJaneknew!
"I... I can't"
"Yes, you can"
Maura gulped again, trying not to think about how much even that hurt. A final, gentle "Please" was all it took. With shaky fingers, Maura pulled the turtleneck downwards, revealing colorful bruises on both sides of her neck and thumb prints on her throat.
"Jesus!" Jane exclaimed in shock and Maura hastily let go of the fabric that immediately bounced back into its place, effectively covering everything up again. "Jesus, Maura!"
Unbearable silence.
"Have you seen a doctor?"
"I am a doctor!"
Jane sighed. "You're an ME" She whispered gently, an unspoken And I hope you'll never need one of these lingering in the air.
"Maura...Talk to me! What happened?"'
The honey blonde shook her head defiantly and yet again, uncomfortable silence had its grip on them. "I'm ok" Maura whispered after a while, unsure whether she was trying to convince Jane or herself. It didn't work for either of them.
"The hell you are!" Jane burst out "Maur', this is serious. You know that!"
Intellectually, Maura knew Jane was yelling because she was deeply concerned. Overwhelmed. Nevertheless, she couldn't help but flinch at the unexpected increase in volume. Jane noticed immediately and took a step backwards, not wanting to scare her friend.
„Maura?" She whispered after a while. The honey blonde gulped but didn't respond, her gaze fixed on the meticulously clean floor.
„Maura, look at me." Jane waited patiently until hazel orbs met hers. „What are the odds that he'll stop?" Jane asked gently, desperately trying to suppress the anger and fear that was – yet again – threatening to overwhelm her. Maura avoided her friend's gaze and didn't respond.
„Come on. Numbers. Figures. Statistics" The detective prodded. They both knew what she was referring to. Strangulation. Domestic violence. Terms they'd use at work on a daily basis. Terms they'd never thought would apply to either of them...
"I know, Jane" Maura started. "In theory, I know that-" Her voice was shaking so hard she could barely speak. But was the last word the detective could make out among a variety of indistinguishable, hiccuped sounds. Jane shook her head and slowly, predictably reached out for her friend's arm, gently guiding her towards the little mirror above the corner sink.
Even though Maura could see in the reflection that it was just Jane standing behind her, she couldn't help but tense up. When she saw Jane lifting her arm in the mirror, she actively forced herself not to move but once felt the brush of her her friend's fingertips against the uncovered skin of her neck, all she wanted to do was scream, yell, struggle, cry. It was only the kindness and genuine concern in Jane's eyes that kept her from running off.
Soft fingers hooked into the turtleneck collar, slowly pulling it down the way Maura had done earlier. For the past five days, Maura's main concern had been hiding her injuries from other people's curious gazes. She had deliberately been avoiding mirrors, rationalizing that as long as nobody saw the bruises – nobody including herself – she could pretend they weren't there.
"Look at it, Maur'" Jane demanded and Maura's breath caught in her throat at the sight of her bruised neck. Their eyes met in the mirror and Maura realized she'd give anything for a turtle's ability to retract into her shell and never come out again. "No but" Jane said lowly but firmly. "No but"
Tears were streaming down Maura's face now and without a second of hesitation, Jane wrapped her arms around her friend's shaking body, enveloping her in a gentle embrace.
For the first time in days, Maura felt safe again.
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