16Just a little thing that had been on my mind for a while...unbeta-ed work, so just read and enjoy :)
She's been lying to them from the begining, but Roman won't let Shepherd kill her without trying to turn her first.
Thicker Than Blood
Remi 'Jane' is tired, exhausted even. But Roman watches as she chins up, faces Shepherd in the eye and lies.
She's good at playing the part of the good soldier. If it wasn't for the few missteps she couldn't be aware of because of the memory lapse, they might have bought it. But they are aware of those missteps, and they doubt her. To Shepherd, Remi has become bold, untrustworthy and a massive flaw in the plan she had crafted herself so carefully. To him, every great strategists make mistakes and hers was to believe her convictions would remain the same after the memory wipe. Their mistake had been to trust she would return to them. He still believes she can be turned. Years of anger and bitterness cannot be so easily swayed, especially by someone like Remi.
Shepherd dismisses them (and orders her return) and Remi follows him to the car. It still comforts him to know she trusts him enough to take the blindfold with just the slightest hint of annoyance. It doesn't quell the sense of betrayal that beholds ever since she had decided to wipe him –wipe their history –out of her memory though. Shepherd watches them as they leave –watches him with the same warning in her eyes. 'Time is running out; turn her or kill her, but do it fast.'
Roman looks away and drives off.
UB
He stops the car half an hour later, near a place he and Remi used to go when they needed some time of their own. It's deep enough into the woods, quiet and peaceful. They had found this place during a random run; she had wanted to vent after a terse argument with Oscar and, being the servable brother he was, he had tagged along. An hour later, they had stumbled upon it.
"Where are we?" she asks, looking around them suspiciously. There is nothing else but trees and silence and the main road is fifteen minutes away. "Roman, what's going on?"
She sounds nervous and intrigued at the same time. Her eyes are on him, trying to read his intentions. He cuts the engine. It's not quite dark yet, plenty enough light to see her face and decipher her expressions.
"You look like you could use a friendly ear," he says, and the confusion becomes even more apparent. Remi would have never allowed anyone to read her emotions, but this new version of his sister is softer and more vulnerable. He wonders how she even stands this triple life, if she fears every moment she spends with them that her cover will be blown. He can't feel pity towards a traitor, but he does feel guilt. Their carelessness might have cost them one of their best operatives and the last of his biological family, but he will be dammed before he lets Shepherd kill her without trying to fix those mistakes.
"Wha-" many emotions run over her face -surprise, anxiety –before settling onto neutral. "I'm fine," she settles on, dropping a small laugh of disbelief. "It's nice of you Roman, but I'm fine."
She isn't. It's plainly written on her face and her body language and Roman wants to remind her that he's known her for a lifetime. But his Remi is stubborn, has always been stubborn, and won't admit something is wrong unless it is coaxed (or forced) out of her. This Remi is similar he thinks, but lonely. He sees the way she looks at him and Shepherd –but mostly him –the envy clouding her features when she thinks no-one is looking. He feels the way she leans into embrace when he brushes her, reaching out for any kind of human touch. She isn't Remi, not quite. She doesn't get their motivations, hasn't lived the trials they had gone through together. She will not join them out of conviction, not yet, but thanks to her loneliness, Roman thinks he has a way in. She's clearly yearning for something to hold onto and if their common history had taught him anything, it is that she will never, ever turn her back on him.
He snorts at her answer to indicate his disbelief, pockets the keys and opens the door.
"Let's walk," he says, and is glad to see her follow again, albeit reluctantly. She obviously doesn't like being here, although he isn't sure it's not knowing where she is or the fact they are alone and far away from help. Still, she joins him and falls in step, eyes darting right and left, taking in their surroundings. It doesn't take long for the flicker of recognition to appear.
"We've been here before," she blurts with the same hint of disbelief whenever a piece of her memory returns. A few rocks are piled upon each other, hidden behind a large circle of trees through the forest. She finishes the course on her own. "We came here often," she goes on absentmindedly. Her eyes stop on a wild bush of wild flowers. "They bloomed since last time."
Roman chuckles at the wonder in her tone.
"Yeah," her faint memories makes him incredibly happy, and gives him hope. She sits on her usual rock, faces the flowers and tentatively touches them. She looks at peace and fascinated but he can tell when reality catches up and the curtain falls over her eyes.
"Why did you bring me here Roman?" she asks again and this time she is expecting an answer. He takes his usual spot on the rock across hers. She's watching him with wary eyes, troubled.
"You're thinner," he points out. Remi's jaw clenches, but barely –he would have missed it hadn't he not expected it. He takes her hand and holds it between his owns. His thumbs run over her knuckles. Her fingers are long and strong, her skin rough from use but so surprisingly small. Remi is so tough he forgets he is stronger than she sometimes. "You have this…heaviness on your shoulders. And you look so tired recently."
She might not quite be Remi, but her instincts are still working and he can tell she suspects he is up to something.
"I've had a long week," she replied instead. "The FBI is tiring."
She pulls her hand away –reluctantly- and stares back at the bush.
"It's more than that," he insists. "I can tell. Something's on your mind, but you won't talk about it. Is it Weller?" A flicker of emotion runs over her face, but it's gone too fast before he can identify it. Roman is surprised when he feels a protective streak building inside, similar to the jealousy he had first felt when Remi and Oscar had first dated. "Remi," he calls and uses the cooing tone that makes her open up nearly every time. "We have each other's back. After all we've been through…you should know better than hide something from me."
Nearly every time. Today, it backfires.
"So you've been designated to interrogate me?" she spats, suddenly defensive. She stands up, paces a little before remembering she doesn't have the keys to the car. Turns around. Roman reads hurt and betrayal in her eyes, which is, honestly, rather hypocritical from her part. "If you want something Roman, just ask for it."
She's annoyed now and would bolt if she could.
"Alight," he says and stands in turn. He towers her a little, but barely, and doesn't look away when he asks the first question that had bothered him the most: "Who tortured you those three months?"
That catches her off-guard but she sticks with her story:
"I told you already –Cade-"
"Don't lie to me!"
His outburst surprises them both, but Roman has made up his mind; before the night is over, she will come clean. He doesn't mean to snap but it stings that she still tries to trick him.
"We know you've been lying, Remi. Cade didn't kill Oscar; he would have never misspelled 'Markos'. It's written with a 'k', not a 'c'," he explains. Remi's features pale the slightest but her expression stubbornly doesn't shift. "But you've been missing and tortured," he speaks slowly. "That is obvious. So tell me," this time, he's pleading. "Who did this to you?"
To her credit, she doesn't recoil and he wouldn't expect her to. Her lips are pressed tightly together and a war is wedging in her mind. Roman knows he's getting to her, but he needs one last push; his sister might be insanely good at making people do what she wants, but he is the specialist when it comes to Remi's psychology.
"I didn't want to have this talk in front of Shepherd," he adds truthfully. "Because depending on your answer, she might have executed you on spot." He steps closer, reaches out for her arm. "I won't betray you Remi, so please, tell me."
Her whole body is tensed and she closes her eyes in denial. Roman pulls her against his chest, wraps his arms around her and holds her tight. She's shaking now, but hasn't tried to shy away from him yet. It encourages him; so he goes on.
"I won't betray you," he repeats quietly, like a secret between the two of them. "You've protected me my whole life, now it's my turn." And there, he breaks the original plan and whispers their story to her ear.
Ian is eight and Alice is nine and they're in a basement with other children. Their parents are dead and all they have left is each other. She reaches for his hand and whispers she will protect him.
Ian is ten and Alice is eleven and their handlers order them to kill their rabbits. He fails and Tammy's belly is opened and left outside to die. She comes to his bed that night and holds him while he sobs, listening to Tammy's cries of agony.
Ian is thirteen and Alice is fourteen and guns are shooting outside. She takes his hand and they both run out of the building. A soldier shoots her and she falls. He screams and kills the man on spot before being knocked unconscious.
Roman is fourteen and Remi is fifteen and they wake up with different names under a new roof. Their new mother promises she will take care of them because they are special and she teaches them to fight and survive.
Roman is seventeen and Remi is eighteen when she leaves him alone for the first time. Mother drags him around and shows him the injustice of the world and what America could be with the right leaders.
Roman is eighteen when mother becomes Shepherd and explains how she wants to burn her country to the ground to save it from itself. He is eighteen and alone (because Remi is already fighting out there for this country), so he nods and follows.
Roman is twenty-four and Remi is twenty-five when she enters Orion. She is convinced this is a different answer to the war Shepherd is leading and leaves with a determined smile.
Roman is twenty-six when Shepherd calls him and tells him his sister is reported MIA. (Roman is twenty-six when he tries to kill himself).
Roman is twenty-seven when Remi returns very much alive and very much angrier. She comes up with a plan that will take at least two years to start, but it is a good one so they slowly set everything into motion.
Roman is twenty-nine and Remi is thirty when he walks her to the room where her body will be tattooed and her mind wiped anew. She is shaking and for the first time, he realizes that she too must have shared his fears and his nightmares but had never said a thing. So he reaches for her hand, holds it tight, and she smiles.
She doesn't pull out of his embrace even after he's done. Her body is relaxed, her breathing regular and for a moment, Roman can almost believe they are months back, having one of their rare moments alone. He knows her eyes are closed, that she is thinking, and that unless someone shows up and interrupts them, her confession is about to start.
"Four months ago," she says, and her voice is just as quiet as his had been just a moment ago. "Weller found out the real Taylor Shaw had been killed…"
Thank you for reading :) *can't wait till Thursday*
