25Okay firstly, I'm so sorry to take forever to update this and even this chapter is not complete. I have broken the chap into two updates.
Secondly thank you for your comments, it really motivates me to write. I almost lost interest in this story (I promise I will not to abandon it, it's just that I lost my creative musings) but when I reread your comments, it re boosted my energy. so thank you for motivation.
thirdly, I haven't edited it much because I'm sleepy right now. Will do it by tomorrow. so please do tell me about it, if you find anything and criticism is much appreciated.
and fourthly umm... nothing, let's start it already. Enjoy! :)
A new comfy bed and even sleeping pills can't be of any help if you suffer from insomnia and have thousands of thoughts to pester your mind. No not thousand, million instead.
I thought of the previous events that what could have happened if Mikami hadn't interrupted. We had almost crossed the line that shouldn't be crossed. We were so close to…
I couldn't believe that I got swayed away so easily. I have always taken pride in having a strong control over my emotions, keeping them in tight check. Then why it has to change for someone? That I have to give in to the temptations without even thinking of the consequences? It was definitely not the way I was, not what I wanted myself to be. I had never wanted to be like this; a weak person. It was definitely a mistake that ought not to be repeated again.
But- but those feelings were still so fresh in my mind, the feel of soft brush of his thin warm lips against my cold skin, tingling sensation from the touch of his breath and hot burning feeling from his lingering touches. It was not easy to tear your mind away from them or to simply forget it all.
The memory was hazy where everything was blurred, only sensations were there; amplified one. That desperation, breathlessness hotness-
Dammit!
I wanted to smack my head hard against something. No matter how many time I tried to distract myself, but every attempt was just damn futile!
As there wasn't much in my life to distract my poor mind with, the wheel of my thoughts spun to the next obvious destination; Mikami.
The way he had reacted. I mean yes seeing a co employee like that, or anyone in that matter would be quite perturbing but his reaction was of... hurt instead of shock.
At that time I was too far gone, too lost in hazy cloud of euphoria to pay any attention to Mikami's reaction but I could remember the way anger and some other dark emotion had flashed behind his brown eyes. The way his blazing gaze was fixed on me.
And Light, he seemed as if he had been caught red handed while committing a crime, guilt was written all over his face and his eyes told that he was already regretting everything that has transpired between us.
Though sentiments were same on my part, I also regret the very moment that led to that incident (I don't know how I'm going to face him again) but I couldn't help anger and humiliation bubbling inside that he left me. He left me like that.
When they were gone, curiosity had urged me to follow them, but I didn't, telling myself not to meddle in their affairs. It would be better to keep a distance. They say, curiosity killed the cat.
Two hours have been passed since then and I decided to tour out of the room to divert my mind.
The corridor was dark, dimly litted by yellow luminescent light. The cold night amplified the silence, making it almost audible.
On turning left, I saw Light sitting on the floor, outside of Mikami's room. His back rested against the wooden door, knees drawn to his chest with head rested on them. His always impeccable condition was tousled right now, hair ruffled, crinkled shirt untucked and sleeves folded upto his elbows. But of course he still looked like a character out of a porn movie. Not that I had any chance watching any porn, but characters were supposed to look breathtakingly good and I don't know if Light doesn't fit the criteria, then who else could?
How anyone could do nothing, just sit lazily on floor but look so criminally handsome. It was unfair. So unfair!
But it always comes to his looks. Isn't? What else do I know about him to be drawn towards him?
There was creaking sound and door was opened, revealing equally disheveled Mikami.
I watched from the corner of the corridor which was a safe distance to eavesdrop, their voices were quite audible even from this distance
"You sure are stubborn." A stern voice, devoid of emotions cut through the silence of air. Mikami's face was blank, his hands defiantly crossed against his chest and his eyes narrowed into slits, silently shooting glares at Light.
Light stood up making the difference between their heights apparent. But he didn't say anything.
"Did you waste your whole night sitting outside the door just to keep staring?" Mikami turned and walked into room with Light following him. "I am pretty much sure that by now you must be fed up of this face." his voice has fake amusement interlaced with sarcasm.
"Mikami."
Mikami halted his steps and slightly cock his head to left to give him a side glance.
"I'm listening." He urged when light didn't continue.
"We need to talk." Light's voice was hoarse, edged with guilt.
"huh? Is there anything left to talk after-" he clicked his tongue, his expression becoming sour "-after that?"
"It's not what you are thinking Mikami."
"Care to explain then exactly what it is?" He retorted, his voice instantly, involuntarily light was clearly taken aback, flinching slightly at sudden outburst.
It was the first time I'd seen Mikami raising his voice in front of Light. And from the way Light was shocked, it seemed it was indeed the first time.
Line of light's mouth stiffened, eyed narrowing in focus as he probably contemplated either to continue or not, that either it worth giving it an attempt or not.
Mikami sighed in resignation, his hardened face relaxing.
"Do you remember how long did it take you get intimate with me? Two and half years Light. Two. And. Half!" He bit his lips, fighting an unknown internal struggle. "And a boy who hasn't been there for more than a week you are already-"
Slowly my mind started putting two and two together. Of course they were in a relationship, otherwise why they would live together in same house and share dinners like a couple. How I could be so stupid not realize it earlier. Mikami's instant hatred for me, his heated glares were not for nothing.
I don't know either the realization was crueler or the words that left Light's mouth.
"It was because I was serious about our relationship Mikami, I didn't want to rush in it."
"So are you saying that you aren't serious about him? God Light! Are you seriously telling me that you were fucking another guy under the same roof we share and all you have to say is that- that you were fucking him without feelings?"
Light opened his mouth as if to say something, but shut it again.
Mikami raked his finger in his hair exasperatedly. "Leave. Right now!"
He said with such determination that I readied myself to slip away from there, but Light didn't moved.
"I said leave, light." He repeated.
The ever present tension in the room thickened as Light made no move to comply with the request.
A honeyed voice broke the silence. "Do you really want me to leave?" or in other words meaning 'I know you don't want me to leave.'
Mikami visibly gulped.
"P-please leave." That angry and determined demeanor started to crack, taken over by a broken one. It seemed as if Mikami was begging Light to leave, before he would break in front of him. Of course Light picked on the weakness.
"Teru." He said so softly, sending a subtle shiver down Mikami's body.
He stepped forward.
"I said s-stop there, Light!" Mikami tried to sound determined but failed pathetically as his voice cracked with panic.
Light got behind him, until his chest flushed against other's back and snaked his hands around his waist. Mikami closed his eyes and drew in himself.
The younger male whispered something in other's ear, making him squirm, struggling weakly within his hold. Mikami moved his head away trying to create a distance and buried his head further in his chest.
Silence fell over them, as they remained in that position. I couldn't understand what was happening until Light turned Mikami to face him.
His eyes were blood shot, his face glistened with tear, as they continued to roll down. He tried to hide behind his palm but Light tugged it upward and gently wiped his tear.
"Teru?"
"I hate myself, I seriously hate myself. I resolved not to succumb to you, to have a bit of self-respect. But-" He wiped his cheeks from the corner of sleeves. "-but what choice do I have. It's not that I can just breakup. I can't even- what will be there to live for? He huffed, irritated at himself. "I know Light, you aren't a sentimental person. I don't even expect you to understand how I feel. You don't have any idea what I'm going through. Not a slightest one."
"Teru, I really do feel guilty. You know I'm not a person to say such thing or to-I know after what I did, I don't even deserve to face you, or to ask for your forgiveness but- if there is any way I can… "
"How much i want to believe you! I don't know why I even pretended to be angry, when deep inside I was just dying to hear an apology, waiting for you to make up with me, fearing that you might just move on without even giving a shit. No matter what u do Light, even if you hurt me, betray me, I can't… bring myself to hate you. Even if you just use me, I'm ready to be used if that is what it takes to be by your side. He averted his eyes, embarrassed at the confession. "you make me hate myself Light, I-"
Light cut him by shoving him against the wall.
"Stop talking already." he closed the distance, bringing their lips together. Mikami gasped and stiffened, but soon he melted into the kiss, closing his eyes to let the tears pooled in his eyes, to roll down the cheeks. His body going limp in Light's hold.
And I stood there frozen, watching them kiss. Few seconds passed in numbness of shock, until something twisted and turned inside my chest, a strange, uneasy feeling.
Seeing the way Mikami clutched his hands in Light's hair to bring him closer, the way Light moved his lips against Mikami's, while knowing too well the taste of those lips, how they feel moving against yours.
I wanted to slap Light and force them apart or to flee from there and never face them again. But I couldn't move, despite knowing that I shouldn't watch.
By the way moans were getting louder with each second it was easy to tell what was about to follow. But my own body weighted too much to move.
It was when Mikami's shirt was removed, finally sense kicked in and I hurried back to my room, without sparing another glance to the sweating couple.
Yeah I know they all look creepy for looking into each other's room, but it's human nature is to be curious, so yeah sorry for making them creeps :p and I'm sure that instead of Mikami, You guys must be hating Light now, just wait for next update and you will hate him even more ;)
Yeah, things have started to turn angsty so good bye to fluff and romance for now.
and most importantly, is anyone willing to beta read this story? anyone? because one of the reason for almost abandoning this story was that I'm not confident in my writing. so if interested please PM me.
So til the next update, bye bye. :)
