40A/N: Let it be known that I started working on this as soon as I uploaded chapter 2. Progress?
These Hands that Hold Mine
Chapter 3
Alice never slept well. Never. Not since she had become an Integrity Knight, and certainly not since she had witnessed what the Administrator had planned for the people of the Norlangarth Empire. Which is why, as she blearily blinked Solus from her eyes, the lack of any nightmares from the night before gave her pause.
It was either that, or the soft snores coming from the boy next to her. It actually had taken a good while for Alice to realize why things felt so… different. It hadn't been the exceptionally bright sunlight reflecting on the snow outside, nor was it her realization that she'd slept until Solus had risen so it was no longer shining directly through the window—Kirito had never snored before. How odd.
In Alice's curiosity, she used the arm she'd draped over the boy to pull closer, mesmerized by the rise and fall of his chest. The peace on his face made her own eyelids feel heavy. Shoving down the embarrassment that always bubbled within her as she snuggled up to him, Alice nestled her head into Kirito's shoulder, releasing a defeated sigh.
He won't ever know—
But at that moment—Kirito's weight shifted. Alice felt the folds in the bedding crinkle even though she had been completely still. Every muscle in her body tensing, she hovered inches from his face, scrutinizing his every detail with fervent hope. As if on cue, Kirito's eyelids slowly fluttered open, and he fixed his gaze on her. Alice's heart hammered in her chest, rattling her ribs and making her head throb.
One second passed. Two seconds. A breath hitched in her throat, and only made the throbbing worse. Eternity passed in a single moment.
"G-good morning." Kirito struggled and rasped, managing a gentle smile.
This is a dream, right?
Alice remained frozen, her face twisting into anguish as she struggled to believe it was all real. She tentatively reached towards his face. Her hand brushing his skin, she recoiled at the lifelike warmth.
"Alice?" He tried; eyebrows pulled together in an endearing look of confusion.
"Kirito." It was all real.
She hadn't even realized she'd moved until her arms were looped around his neck, and her tears had left dark, soaked spots on his shirt. It was all she could do to keep her breaths steady; everything around her seemed to fade away and the only thing her honed Integrity Knight's senses could focus on was his warm embrace. She took in every detail twice over—his gaunt frame, his scent, the way his arm slowly drew around her waist and pulled her ever-so-thrillingly closer.
Until she realized her entire body was pressed on top of him and by Stacia, he was awake.
With a jolt, Alice frantically pushed herself up and away, bouncing until she reached the foot of the bed. Her face flushed so bright and hot that she felt like she'd managed to cast a thermal element with her nose. Turning her face away and furiously smoothing her nightgown, Alice hoped dearly that her hair prevented Kirito from seeing her blush.
"It's good to see you too," a hint of mirth danced in Kirito's voice. It became steadier as he pushed himself up with one hand, sitting against the headboard.
"You're…" Alice began, searching for the right word to convey the depth of the pent-up emotions swirling around in her chest, "…an idiot." She wiped at her face, trying to hide the flow of her tears.
A weak smile spread on his face. "…Yeah."
"What took you so long?"
"I guess I just… needed a push."
"And—you're here to stay?"
Kirito leaned forward and covered her balled fist. "Yeah."
Alice finally scrounged together the courage needed to look Kirito in the face. The blinding light streaming through the window reflected in his eyes, giving his coal-black eyes a depth she hadn't seen before. She could make out almost every small detail in his irises.
Kirito cracked a grin. "You're a little bolder than I thought, Alice."
The thousand-watt glow returned to her face. "I-It couldn't be helped! You were shivering, s-so…" She trailed off, turning further and further away, as if it would make him forget the way she'd clung to him all night. If anything, he'd only woken up in the morning, so…
"Actually, I regained consciousness sometime last night." Kirito scratched his cheek, looking for all the world like, well, an awkward teenager. Perhaps upon noticing that Alice had begun to ball her fists tighter and tighter, even grabbing handfuls of her nightgown, he scrambled to add, "but I was exhausted, and you looked so peaceful, so I just closed my eyes and um, ah…"
Gradually, Alice loosened her fists. Then, a laugh escaped her lips. Just a small giggle. She was sure she looked like a mess, sniffling and giggling at the same time as tears lingered in the corners of her eyes. She didn't care.
As her laugh died down, Alice broke into a true, honest-to-god smile. One she hadn't used in ages. "Welcome back!"
Alice eyed the mess before her and groaned. She was an Integrity Knight. She had mastered the sword, to the point where her blade was a part of her. She could fell armies with a single swing, and yet—
Kirito managed only a resigned chuckle as he peered into the skillet.
Alice Synthesis Thirty could not, for the life of her, cook. Traces of an acrid scent dissipated in the air, and her hopes of making an extravagant breakfast had literally gone up in smoke. After two months and countless lessons from Selka, Alice had only managed to learn rudimentary recipes. Regular cooking, as it turned out, was an entirely different matter from reheating meat buns with elements.
"Don't let it bother you," Kirito laughed, filling a mug with tea. "I think I'd have trouble eating most things." He gingerly lowered himself into a chair at the table, as if he were a man far past his prime. Reluctantly, Alice followed suit with her own mug.
"Kirito, I do have some serious questions."
The tea mugs cast long shadows on the table, and as Kirito hesitated, Alice watched the shadows of the steam rising from the mugs.
"Don't worry about me, ask away."
"First of all, how do you feel? You've been—" Alice hesitated, searching for the right word, "—gone for just about two months."
Kirito choked on his tea. "T-two months? Damn… I thought the snow was just early."
Alice shook her head. "I've personally tended to you for two months. You ate if I fed you and drank if I held liquid to your lips… but did barely anything else. Do you remember anything?"
Kirito sunk a little deeper into his chair, as if hoping his collar would ride up and hide his face. "You did all that, huh…" After a few seconds, he sat straight up again. His eyes seemed to stare into the steam rising from his mug. "I'm sure you know how my body has held up." Alice hoped that Kirito hadn't noticed her slight blush.
Then, he continued, "I remember a lot of things. Lots that I didn't before. But it also feels like there's something missing—something important." He felt a headache coming on and pressed a hand to his eye.
Concern blossomed on Alice's face. "I see. In that case, you might not be able to answer my next questions, but…" Her hands wrapped around her mug, absorbing the warmth of the drink inside. "When you were standing at the altar in the Cathedral, who were you speaking to?"
Kirito grimaced, trying to piece things together. "People… from the outside. I think they were trying to tell me something but… I just can't remember what it was."
That's right. If what Kirito had revealed in the Cathedral was true, and it likely was, since the Administrator had believed it too, then Alice's entire world was just the creation of the people on the outside.
Alice stared at her murky reflection, before taking sip. Warm, fragrant and slightly bitter, the tea helped calm her thoughts. "Then… this [Load Test Event]," Alice pronounced the syllables carefully, just as she'd heard them during Kirito's conversation. "Do you know what it is?"
"The Dark Territory's forces are guaranteed to invade the Human Empire." It looked as if Kirito's headache had subsided somewhat, and he paused while he took a solemn sip. "The people on the outside planned it."
"What!?" This was a complete surprise. "I thought the people on the outside were humans as well! Why would they orchestrate something like this?"
"That…" Kirito grit his teeth, struggling with his inability. "I can't remember."
"Didn't you come from the outside, Kirito? Tell me!"
Kirito's eyes widened. If he had been holding his mug, he would've dropped it. Immediately, she was flooded with regret. "I-I'm sorry. I raised my voice."
When Kirito finally spoke, his voice was small. Unconfident. It was nothing like him. "No, I didn't."
Alice froze. The steam from their mugs kept rising, dancing in the silence. She was sure that he was a person from the other side. After all, he had spoken with the people through the altar so confidently.
"My memory is fuzzy in some spots, and completely missing in others. But what I do know is that I grew up with you and Eugeo here, in Rulid Village."
"…Eh?" A noise of confusion slipped out of Alice's mouth. But just as when Kirito had first revealed the truth about Selka, she felt as if he was telling the truth.
"We were assigned to be woodcutters. You would bring us lunch every day." As soon as the words left his mouth, Alice felt a pang in her heart. While she didn't remember anything of the sort, the recounting didn't exactly sound like someone else's life, either.
"When we realized that ice would keep the lunch you prepared everyday fresh for longer, we decided to explore the Mountain Range at the Edge to find some. We were dumb kids." Kirito smiled dryly. Then, a laugh. "But I've got to say, back then, your cooking sure was something!"
Alice pouted a little. "There are things I can make right now!"
However, as she put more serious thought into it, she found herself perhaps more confused than Kirito was. If all of this was in his past, why hadn't he revealed it to her, when they had been scaling the exterior of the Central Cathedral? Frowning, Alice sipped her tea. It had cooled and did far less than before for her state of mind. Had Kirito's mind created new memories in his absence? No—it was more likely that these memories had been unlocked.
She was shaken out of her thoughts by the sound of Kirito setting his empty mug on the table. "That's where you broke the taboo index."
"What?" For the third time that day, Alice froze in shock. She felt her pace quicken, nervous pricks of sweat forming on her neck. She had never been able to determine what her crime had been. Just what had she done? Upon first meeting Kirito, Alice had immediately branded him a heinous criminal. What if she herself had been much worse?
"Your crime was trespassing into the Dark Territory."
"I… did?"
"Only your fingertips crossed the line." Kirito's hands, resting on the table, curled into fists. "You were trying to help a dying Knight of the Dark Territory. While running to his side, you stumbled and fell."
Alice reeled at the revelation. Everything she had gone through—the sealing of her memories, the hellish scenes she'd seen as an Integrity Knight. All of that, just because her fingers had brushed the soil of the Dark Territory.
She bit her lip so hard, she tasted iron. It was all she could do to whisper a question, just to confirm she'd heard him right. "That… that was my crime?"
"That's all you did. And because of it, you were taken from us."
Before she could stop them, tears welled up in her eyes. A mix of frustration, hatred and above all, relief mixed within her. An excellent concoction for producing tears. Alice was running out of tears for the day.
"The truth is… while Eugeo—" Kirito paused, remembering his late partner. "While Eugeo and I ended up fighting against the Administrator because we believed the Taboo Index was flawed, that isn't why we tried to reach the Central Cathedral."
"Then, you originally wanted to be Integrity Knights?" Alice questioned, wiping at the corner of each eye.
"Well, yeah." He smiled weakly, "although now I'm glad we didn't. But there was even a reason behind that. It was you. Everything we did was to try and bring you back."
"Bring… me…? You would do all of that for me?" Suddenly, a lot more details from their first meeting made sense. The recognition in Kirito and Eugeo's eyes when she captured them at the Academy. The pained glances they shared, as if they knew something about her that even she did not.
"Well…" Kirito looked down. His face became unreadable. "We did promise that the three of us would be together, forever."
"I'm… sorry."
Kirito breathed a sigh. "I think he's a lot happier now, wherever he is."
"I think so too."
A silence fell over them. Heavy, yet not quite uncomfortable. Alice eyed the mug in front of her, the ceramic stained an unappealing brown by now-cold tea.
"Well, let's make some real food." Kirito stood abruptly, dropping his mug off in the sink.
Alice raised an eyebrow, moving to do the same. "Let's?"
"I did spend two years in the Sword Academy, you know? You pick up a few things."
With a smirk, Alice grabbed Kirito's arm and pulled him back towards her before he could walk to the stove. "Somehow, I find it hard to imagine you picking up all that much. You did almost blow up our meat buns back then." She started rolling the sleeve of his one good arm, gingerly lifting the fabric each time so that she wouldn't scratch him. Butterflies ricocheted in her stomach every time her fingers brushed his arm.
"Look who's talking." When she looked up at him, he gently smiled in return. Everything sunk in once more, and Alice thanked Stacia dearly. Kirito was alive. He was awake. Even teasing her. Everything she'd hoped for, and now she was living it.
Without thinking, Alice stepped into his space and snaked both arms tightly around his midsection. If Kirito was surprised, he didn't let on. She memorized everything, from the way Solus warmed the side of her face to the feeling of the rough-hewn fabric of Kirito's shirt in her hands. The comforting squeeze of his arm wrapped around her shoulders. The way her heartbeat soared and how she felt her pulse in every artery. It was all precious.
Thank you, Stacia. Thank you… Kirito.
It was true that the log cabin they dwelled in only had a single bed, but now, Alice was far more apprehensive about using it. All of the reservations she'd had about sharing a bed with Kirito two months ago returned twofold. Sleeping with a conscious Kirito was vastly different than an unresponsive Kirito. Integrity Knight though she was, Alice was also a woman.
And women didn't just share their beds with anyone.
Luna had taken over. The candlelight flickering across Kirito's face, accentuating his features, twisted Alice's insides into a knot and only made the situation more complicated.
"If you're uncomfortable… I can sleep in one of the armchairs," offered Kirito. They'd been staring at the single bed together for at least a minute.
"That's ridiculous. With your body's condition, if anything, I should be the one sleeping on the armchair."
"Alice, I don't want you to—"
"Then we'll both sleep on the bed." Alice announced, cutting the boy off. "It's been that way ever since we moved here, so there's no reason to change it now!" Even to her, she sounded like she was convincing herself.
"Got it." Replied Kirito. She hadn't left much room for debate.
Just taking their turns getting in bed frazzled Alice's determination. As Kirito took up his usual position nearer to the wall, she could feel her pulse climbing.
At first, Alice slept with her back facing him. As soon as she heard his breathing slow, she slowly turned over, gathering her courage. A part of her was convinced that she wouldn't be able to drift off without clutching Kirito like she normally did. A part of her told her she would die of embarrassment if Kirito woke up to find her doing it again. The former part won out.
She had almost gotten her arm all the way across his chest before hearing a startled kurukuru!
Amayori had noticed something she'd deemed necessary for Alice to see.
Alice, half-scrambling to untangle herself from him, half-scrambling to the window to check on Amayori, all but stumbled to the window. Amayori's gaze seemed fixed at a point further to the South. As Alice shifted her view, a curse slipped from her mouth.
"Alice?" She'd woken Kirito.
Where the sky should've been inky black, dotted with thousands of stars and hosting a crescent Luna, instead an angry orange glow rose from the ground. A haze of smoke diffused the color into a copper like dried blood. Rulid Village was on fire.
Kirito, who had joined Alice at the window, immediately sprang into action. Running to the door, he threw the coat he'd worn every day over his shoulders. Alice rushed after him, chanting in the Sacred Tongue. "System call: equip items ID3101-1 to 3!"
By the time the two reached the swords hanging on the wall next to the door, Alice wore her full complement of armor. A glance between them said everything. Kirito grasped the Night Sky Sword for the first time in months. Alice affixed the Fragrant Olive Sword to her hip, which had been missing it for just as long.
The door to their home flung open, and two sets of boots kicked through the snow, running towards Rulid Village.
A/N: I had a bit of trouble writing this one. Most of it was done late at night, and honestly, I probably haven't spent enough time to make it as perfect as I wanted to. Still, I've got a lot of things going on and I did want to move on to more original content involving some conflict. It gets boring just writing fluffy slice-of-life all the time, after all. I've also realized that Kirito's a pretty classic cookie-cutter shounen protagonist. I guess I'll give him some personality myself.
Again, thanks to my beta, One More Guy.
Not many important updates to give here, except to expect things to move a tad quicker from now on!
I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
Until next time,
-TheSilentSwordsman
P.S. To the people who have, and will inevitably comment on Alice's character, saying that she is generally a more dignified character, you are absolutely correct! But when it's just her and Kirito, she definitely does have quite the feminine side. I wanted to explore that with this chapter. Don't worry, her knight side will also see plenty of action!
P.P.S. I made a mistake! Should have brushed up a little bit more. Alice was trying to help a dying Dark Knight, not an Integrity Knight. That's been fixed now. Oops!
