14Joe's Note: So, if you followed me all the way back when I wrote and posted Fall of the Jedi, you'll notice that we're straying closer to both it and Run This Town than anything else in this version of the story. The more I reread my own story, the more problematic I found it that Xander and Cordelia were both basically betting on human flesh for their personal amusement. It sorta exploded to the extreme in Spyncycle and Pyrrhic Victory, with bets and counter bets and counter-counter bets that were all sorta gross from the 'friends don't sell friends to their enemies' perspective but also served to make the cast explode to unmanageable levels very quickly. Kat's inclusion in this version both necessitated some changes and made it easier to close up some of the holes created by me removing Xander and his dubious bets. I also felt that sliding Tara into things as a nerdism consultant was more natural than the way she ended up involved in Cordelia's Halloween plans in any of the previous versions that involved both of them. Hope you agree. Enjoy.
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Eric, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Dimitria, William, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.
September 27, 2014
As she slowly backed out of her parking spot, eyes darting up to the rear view mirror to make sure that the pile of boxes lying across the back seat of her Highlander didn't shift in the process, Cordelia did her best to ignore the expression on her girlfriend's face. Instead, she found herself pondering the deal that she'd made with Tara and who'd made out better. The money that she'd given Tara toward her prosthetic was trivial from her perspective; her parents didn't really question her spending and it would have been easy enough to explain away even if they did. Introducing the girl to her friends… eh, she could blame that on Kat. Her friends had accepted 'because my girlfriend wants to and I love her and want to make her happy' as an excuse for why she - and by extension they - were doing Star Wars costumes for Halloween. It would presumably cover why she was making them hang out with an odd and unpopular girl for the next month or so.
In exchange… well, Cordelia loved Kat and wanted to make her happy. The cheerleader knew exactly how seriously her girlfriend took her various forms of geekiness, especially her cosplay. Dropping a bit of money on Tara and then spending some time with someone who - at least so far - hadn't given her a reason to actively dislike her in order to make sure that her Halloween costume met Kat's standards and therefore made her girlfriend happy? That was a no-brainer. And not the Harmony kind of no-brainer, either. A good one.
Flicking her turn signal on, Cordelia drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she waited for a break in traffic. Then she got bored and launched herself out onto Mono Street, flipping off a guy in a sports car who actually had the audacity to blow his horn at her before signaling again and making a quick left onto South Utah Street, cutting off a minivan that… well, they could afford to wait, Cordelia reckoned. After all, what important plans could someone driving a minivan possibly have? Her moves elicited two panicked squeaks from Kat, the second considerably louder than the first, and Cordelia finally looked over at her girlfriend so that she could offer a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I got this."
"I swear to God, I'm a better driver than you and I-"
"Don't have a license. Or even a permit. At twenty-four. Which is why I'm driving and you're not."
"Yes. Rub my face in my shortcomings. That's a great way to make me less annoyed with you." Kat slumped down in her seat, wrapping her arms around herself and scowling. As she sat at the intersection waiting for a chance to make a right out onto East 1st Street, Cordelia shot occasional glances over at her girlfriend, wondering what was going on inside the taller girl's head. Finally, just as Cordelia managed to squeeze her SUV into an opening that she probably shouldn't have, Kat spoke again. "You know, I've sorta made my peace with the fact that you're a pretty terrible person. You're my terrible person, and you've never once been terrible to me. But sometimes you do something and it makes it harder for me to stay at peace with it."
Cordelia frowned at that, but decided to wait until after she'd driven the four blocks to the on-ramp and made her way up onto US-101 before nudging the conversation onward. "Is this about me threatening Tara or the boob joke?"
Opening her mouth to reply, Kat sucked in a breath as Cordelia went plowing across all three lanes of traffic before settling into the fast lane. Cordelia offered her girlfriend another confident smile, making Kat shake her head in disgust before offering up a simple answer. "Yes."
Even as her lane decision was vindicated by the right lane veering off to feed the San Bernardino Freeway, Cordelia kept one eye on the car in front of her and the other on her grumpy Kat. "I told Tara that she could look, not that she could touch. What's wrong with that? I look at other girls now and then. You definitely do and are about as subtle as a tank when you do it."
"I would try and argue with you about that last part, but then you'd just use it as an excuse to pull out that stupid video you took of me at Anime California so… whatever." Kat continued to slouch in her seat, eyeing Cordelia balefully as they passed over State Route 110 on the Stacks, continuing in a vaguely northwesterly direction toward the edge of the city and then Sunnydale beyond that. "And fine, we both look. Tara looks too, I'm sure. But there's a difference between Tara looking and you going 'hey Tara, look at this!'. Especially when it's your girlfriend's boobs. You can do whatever you want with your boobs and your friends seem okay with you doing what you want with their boobs, but when I tell you that these boobs are your boobs? That particular relationship privilege comes to a screeching halt when you try to share them with people."
Retrieving her iPhone from where she'd set it in one of the cupholders, Cordelia tapped the wake button before turning her phone so that Kat could see her lock screen: a picture of her girlfriend dressed up as Emma Frost in something that - while not one of the blonde's actual costumes - was still pretty damn revealing. Especially for Kat. "Okay, and if looking is 'sharing' now, you're not 'sharing' them with thousands of people at every con you drag me to?"
Kat plucked the phone from Cordelia's fingers, putting it back to sleep before returning it to the cupholder. "They're mine. I'm allowed to share them if I want. You're not." Silence descended as the SUV rolled on, the dense cityscape of Los Angeles quickly giving way to battered-looking trees mixed with scrubby bushes and the occasional surviving California palm. As seconds became a minute, then five, then ten, Cordelia shot repeated glances at her girlfriend. Finally, Kat met her gaze… and then promptly squeaked, pointing forward frantically. "The road! Eyes on the road!" After letting out a relieved sigh at Cordelia obliged her, Kat fell silent for a bit longer before finally speaking. "Today with Tara just has me thinking… is everything you're doing really necessary? The hiding, the threatening, the excuses, the stories? Would it really be so bad if everyone knew about us?"
Oh. So Kat wasn't necessarily mad at her for threatening Tara so much as mad at her over why Cordelia had threatened Tara. That made much more sense, considering some of the things that had come out of her mouth in the past without her girlfriend so much as blinking. "My family knows, your family knows, my friends know, your friends know… is it really that important to you to have your name next to the 'In a Relationship' on my Facebook?"
"Part of me says that I'm an adult and that I should be above petty things like that even if I'm dating someone who isn't yet. The rest of me wants to know… were the dozen no-neck jocks who came before me more important to you? Because you didn't mind putting them there." Kat shrugged as she dug her iPhone and headphones out of her purse, slipping them on before opening the Music app. Even as muffled music began to radiate outward, pointedly ending their conversation, Kat offered a parting shot. "Just saying."
"Do you think we should buckle it in or something?"
Tara stared at the tall - or rather long, now that it was lying on its side - box that stretched across the back seat of her mother's Camry and shook her head. "It can't be that fragile, can it? I mean, if I'm supposed to wear it around for Halloween, it should be able to survive a bit of bouncing and wiggling on the drive home. Just don't drive like you're trying out for NASCAR or anything."
Letting out an aggrieved sigh, Rebecca slammed the left rear door of the sedan shut. "If you insist. Before we leave, though, are you sure you don't want to get your paint here? There's no way for this to work out so you end up not needing it. The longer you wait, the worse they're going to gouge you."
"I know, but I forgot to mention it to Cordelia before she left and I didn't get her number because I see her in class every day. Not that I have a cell phone I could use to call her and ask even if I had…" Her mother stuck her tongue out at that, making Tara grin. The ongoing discussion had recently shifted from the idea of Tara getting an after-school job so she could afford a cell phone and have some spending money to the possibility of her diverting some of her Halloween money to pay for one, but so far her mother was remaining adamantly anti-phone. Up until now, it hadn't really been an issue. If she was going to start making friends and doing stuff other than going to school and coming straight home, on the other hand? Tara shook her head. Discussion for another time. Looking over at California Costume Collections, she nibbled on her lower lip. "I suppose I could buy paint for both of us and ask her to pay me back, but I don't have a picture of a Togruta on me - which I could look up if I had a smartphone, might I add - and so I might not get the right colors. Cordelia might not like it and could refuse to pay for it, and so then I'd be stuck with twice as much paint as I need and-"
A piercing whistle cut off Tara and she looked over the roof of the car at where her mother was making a 'T' with her hands. "Okay, woah, slow down. Firstly, I have two words for you, Tare-bear: 'de' and 'caf'. Secondly, if it's that big a deal, we can take care of it later. When you told me you were working with her, I thought you were just going to be giving her some advice, not full on collaboration." There was a momentary lull in the conversation as they got in the car but as Rebecca started the car, she shot her daughter a look that Tara wasn't quite sure she liked. "So, speaking of Cordelia… is it just me or are you starting to develop a type? Tall, buxom, out of your league… granted Courtney's got a few cup sizes on your new best friend, but I'm not sure they make regular humans with her measurements."
It took Tara a moment to process what her mother was saying and then her cheeks exploded with a blush red enough to rival a Coke can. "Mama!" Leaning across the center console, she punched the snickering woman on the shoulder. "First of all, telling me people are out of my league can't be good for my self-esteem. Second, I think she's pretty but I'm not in like with her or anything. Because you're right, she is out of my league. In more ways than one. First of all, she has a girlfriend. A really nice, really pretty girlfriend. Secondly, she's a rich preppy cheerleader whose outfits generally cost about as much as we spent on all my school clothes put together. Thirdly, she's pretty and I'm not. Fourthly… is it fourthly? I've never tried to go this far. At any rate, she's human and I'm the walking shish kebaber. There are so many reasons why it would never…" Her mother shot her a disbelieving look, making Tara trail off before huffing and glaring back at her. "Seriously, stop. She literally only asked me for help because she wants to impress her girlfriend. I only said yes because it'll give me a chance to actually socialize for once. There is nothing going on between us. At all."
"So you'd help out any pretty girl who threatened you? Cordelia's not special at all?"
Tara huffed, turning to stare out the window. Her mother could believe whatever she wanted; Tara knew why she'd done what she'd done. And it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Cordelia had been the subject of more than a few idle fantasies and daydreams since she first arrived in Sunnydale. None. At all. "Alright, so, I also couldn't help but notice a conspicuous lack of costume being purchased. What exactly is your plan here? Or are you going out as an alien high school goth girl for Halloween?"
Tara nodded albeit hesitantly; she had what she was pretty sure was a great idea for the rest of her costume, especially given the general tenor of the ideas that she and Cordelia had batted around for the cheerleader's outfit while waiting in line at the register. But given her mother's ability to embarrass her, she wasn't so sure she wanted to share it anymore. On the other hand, she wasn't stupid enough to believe she could hide anything from her mother for long, much less until the end of the month. Especially given that her mother - well, technically her father but her mother had been the one to steal the money and pass it on - was financing the whole thing. "Well… Cordelia and I were talking and she seems to like the idea of going as a Jedi healer. Meaning lots of white, probably with some silver. So I was thinking being a Jedi shadow and wearing black, just so our costumes are as far apart as possible for two Togruta? Maybe, um, in leather?"
There was absolute silence in the car as Rebecca made the right turn out onto the street and began heading back towards the highway, silence that lasted until they made a left onto the on-ramp that led up to the 101… which Tara still thought was a strange name for a highway. 'The 101'. The hundred and one… what exactly? Dalmatians? A snicker shook Tara from her thoughts and she looked over at her mother curiously. "So… you spent some time chatting up a very pretty girl from your school, who has a girlfriend that you also think is pretty and seemed to get along with. You've decided to coordinate your Halloween costume with theirs, and now suddenly you're talking about buying something in black leather to wear for the night. Are you sure this isn't going to turn into some sort of polyamory-type deal?"
"Mama!"
September 29, 2014
"Okay, I'll be That Person and ask what I'm pretty sure we're all wondering: why is No-lay here?"
"Well, she's not getting any and you'll fuck anybody, Harm… can you guess where I'm going with this?" As Tara blushed and Harmony Kendall let out an offended screech that drew the entire coffee shop's attention over to their table, Cordelia rolled her eyes before waving dismissively. "Kidding. God. If I was going to hook Tara up with somebody, I'd make sure it was someone she wouldn't catch an STD from."
Clearing her throat and interrupting what undoubtedly would have been a pitiful retort on Harmony's part, Hokulani Palakiko set her frappuccino down on the table before raising an eyebrow. "It's a valid question. Not the part where she insults… Tara, right? Tara. But while I'm pretty sure 'why are we here?' can be answered with 'Halloween costume discussion', I'm just as curious about what the answer to 'why is she here?' is."
Cordelia glanced over at Tara, waiting for the black-haired girl to meet her eyes before nodding in Lani's direction. When Tara shook her head rapidly in response, eyes going wide in terror, Cordelia sighed loudly before answering the question herself. "She's my wardrobe consultant for Halloween. I kinda wanna impress Kat, kinda don't want to ask her for help because that'd make the final result a lot less impressive. Kat and I ran into Tara while we were in Los Angeles picking up stuff for our costumes. Kat likes her, and it turns out that Tara knows Star Wars pretty well too. So I offered to let her tag along with the cool kids for Halloween if she made sure that I looked awesome for my girlfriend."
"…so now thanks to Kat, we're stuck dressing as alien girls for Halloween and have to hang out with a loser to boot?" Burying her face in her hands, Aphrodesia Michaelis let out an aggrieved sigh before peeking over the tops of her fingers at the other girls sharing the table with her. "Does anybody else miss the days when Cordelia just stole our boyfriends and destroyed our self-esteem? Show of hands?" When nobody joined Aphrodesia in raising their hand, the blonde groaned and slumped back into her seat, crossing her arms over her chest petulantly. "Whatever. You know you do. Seriously, though… Tara, I'm sure you're a great person and all but… well… one of these things is not like the others? One of these things just doesn't belong?"
There were actually so many ways to fire back at Aphrodesia's comment that Cordelia actually had to pause for a second and figure out which one was best. Finally, she decided to go for one of the blonde's biggest weak points: her consistently poor grades. "Well yeah. Unlike you and Harmony and Aura, she's actually passing all of her classes right now." Even as Aphrodesia sputtered impotently, Aura offered a laconic shrug and mouthed 'that's fair'. Turning her attention to her favorite punching bag, Cordelia arched an eyebrow imperiously. "Just out of curiosity, do you have a plan for Halloween yet? Or were you thinking you were going to paint yourself pink, toss on a blue wig, and go out in your street clothes? And before you answer that, keep in mind that Tara is here right now because I obviously do not think that's an acceptable costume for Halloween."
Harmony opened her mouth to respond, only to pause and nibble her lower lip uncertainly as her brain actually caught up with Cordelia's words. It took her longer than the brunette expected for Harmony to realize that she was screwed, the blonde sighing despondently as he looked over at Tara. "I'm going to have to suck up to you so that you'll help me out, aren't I?"
"You're probably not going to hear this again for a while… but no, Harmony, what I want from you doesn't involve sucking." Tara delivered the line so smoothly that Cordelia was caught off-guard, spraying a mouthful of green tea across the table and all over Harmony's blouse before dissolving into a mixture of coughs and chuckles. Holy… fucking… shit! Sadly, the dark-haired girl had to ruin her truly savage takedown by blushing profusely, ducking her head for a few seconds as she wrung her hands nervously before looking back up at Harmony and apologizing. "I am so, so sorry. I was thinking that but I shouldn't have said it." Yes. Yes she should have. Because it was hilarious. "I was actually thinking that maybe we could help each other out. You help me figure out makeup for my costume, I'll help you figure out your costume? Maybe… think that over while you go hug the hand dryer?" Nodding jerkily, Harmony shot to her feet and shot Cordelia a look of pure loathing before stalking off toward the rear of the Starbucks. "Oh my Goddess. I can't believe I did that."
Still chuckling lowly, Cordelia reached over and patted the girl on the shoulder. "Me neither. It was awesome, though. Remind me to get your sizes before we leave; I want to buy you something cute. Haven't had a laugh like that in forever." Even as Tara continued to blush, tipping her head forward so she could hide behind her long black hair again, Cordelia turned her attention to Aphrodesia. "And then there were three."
After giving Tara a disdainful once-over, Aphrodesia met Cordelia's gaze and shook her head. "That's not going to work on me. I know what Jedi look like, even the girl Jedi. I also know how to use Etsy. I'm gonna be just fine, thank you very much. Or as fine as I can be now that I've been roped into this stupidity."
"Yes, because you can definitely see me of all people wearing something even remotely resembling those hideous brown Jedi robes out in public. Clearly, that's not just the best option for a Halloween outfit, it's the only option." Aphrodesia frowned in consternation, presumably trying to figure out where her brilliant plan had gone wrong, making Cordelia smirk victoriously. "Just agree to do whatever Tara wants and I'll let her bail you out too. The same goes for the rest of you, by the way. I'm feeling generous today; I'll share my cute girl nerd instead of making you go find your own."
Even as Aphrodesia and Aura leaned toward each other, lowering their voices past what Cordelia could easily catch over the ambient noise of the coffee shop, Lani rose to her feet and made her way over to sit on the edge of the table between Cordelia and Tara. "On one hand, I wouldn't mind the help. Obviously not with my costume because that's all taken care of at this point, but you obviously know enough about Star Wars to be useful in the grander scheme of things. On the other hand? I looked her up on Facebook while you were bringing a gun to Harmony and Aphrodesia's verbal knife fights. Tara, your profile picture is you at LA Pride back in June. Between that and the fact that you donated fifty dollars to my GoFundMe, can you understand why I'm iffy on this whole 'whatever Tara wants' thing?"
"That's fair. And I'll be honest, I do kinda have a crush on you… which probably doesn't help my case any. But at the end of the day?" Tara leaned to one side, nodding past Lani at Harmony's empty seat. "The only reason I wanted to make a deal with her at all is because I'm terrible at putting on makeup and Harmony… well, she's bad at a lot of things but makeup isn't one of them. I'm not made out of money so I can't pay her for her help, but if she helps me and I help her then we both win. Aura and Aphrodesia? I'd help them both for free if they were interested in acting like civilized human beings to me. Since they're not, I'm okay with Cordelia treating them this way. From what I've seen of you at school, you're a better person than they are and so… maybe we can actually try the friend helping friend approach that they won't?"
Lani seemed to consider that for several seconds, which made Cordelia more than a little nervous. They were more awkward allies than true Cordelia and Cordette; given that she came from a fairly well-off family and was captain of a team, she was closer to being Cordelia's peer than anyone else at Sunnydale High School. If she decided not to take Tara up on her offer, Cordelia couldn't think of another way to force the two into proximity so that she could honor her half of the deal she'd made with Tara. In the end, the slender Hawaiian offered Tara a soft smile and Cordelia breathed a sigh of relief. "Maybe we can… but not today. I was just stopping by to be polite; Cordelia doesn't own me the way she owns the others and we have a meet tomorrow. I want to get in a little extra time in the pool even if the rest of the girls are taking the day off." With that, Lani slid off the edge of the table and circled around Cordelia, grabbing her frappuccino and heading for the door.
Leaving Aphrodesia and Aura to their increasingly animated discussion, Cordelia and Tara took the time to watch Lani's retreating figure until it passed through the door and disappeared from sight before turning to each other. Cordelia offered the faintly blushing girl a grin; despite her overall litheness, Lani had ass for days and she definitely wasn't going to fault Tara for looking. Not wanting to give the silence a chance to get awkward, Cordelia settled onto what she thought would be a safe topic. "The sucking joke. Seriously, that was awesome. I loved it."
"You would." Tara leaned back in her seat, shaking her head slowly. "I'm supposed to be better than that. That's what my Mama always tells me. It's okay to be upset when people treat you badly, it's okay to be angry… but if you act like them, then you're just as bad as them." How… quaint. Admirable, but Cordelia had never met someone who stopped picking on people just because someone was nice to them. You either hit back hard enough to make the person seek easier prey, or they'd just keep coming. But given that 'your mother is an idiot and this is why' was seldom a conversation that ended well for her? Cordelia found herself searching for a safer topic, only to have Tara redirect things for her. "So, what are the odds that I'm going to get stuck helping all your friends?"
Cordelia looked from Tara to where Aphrodesia and Aura were still arguing, up to offer the returning Harmony an apologetic smile, and then finally back to Tara before shrugging. "Considering I barely know anything about Star Wars and they know even less? If they don't agree to it, I'll probably force them to. That whole 'I want my girlfriend to have a good time and that means looking presentable' thing that got you roped into this in the first place." Tara didn't exactly look pleased with that and so Cordelia leaned closer, lowering her voice. "Aphrodesia may be a bitch, but she's a hot bitch. Imagine if you could talk her into going as Aayla Secura for Halloween or something…"
The corner of Tara's mouth quirked upward. "If I don't respond for the next minute or two, it's because I am. Imagining it, I mean."
