19Episode 1
"Hello this is Justice News, I'm Wonder Woman," Wonder Woman began in a professional tone, but she slipped into something uncomfortably suggestive when she added, "and this is my wonderful co-anchor, Batman"
"I am Batman, filling out the rest of our news crew are Superman the barely par weather man, Flash our high speed head reporter, the unpaid camera man Aquaman, and various other people I also choose not to pay. We will be bringing you the most important news from around the world in a professional and objective manner."
"Can I do the weather now?" Superman called from offscreen.
"Whatever, just go for it," Wonder woman called back. Batman simply sighed and nodded his consent.
"Um," Superman suddenly seemed nervous when the camera swung to him and the green screen currently showing the weather across the United States. "I'm Superman," he began despite having already been introduced, "and it's weather time. If you live on the East coast in the United States of America you will likely be dealing with wet rain for the next few days. Back to you Batman."
"Wet rain?" Wonder woman wondered aloud. "I'm not a meteorologist, but isn't it always wet or is wet rain somehow bad?"
"Better than dry rain," Batman deadpanned.
"Is it, though? And was that really the entire forecast?" She looked at Superman and back to Batman clearly thrown off by the fake weather jargon and poorly done forecasting.
"He's the weatherman, how should I know?" Batman replied settling his own gaze on Superman who was becoming more flustered.
"You know Batman, we could kiss under the wet rain. I could fly us there now," Wonder Woman started leaning in, but Batman held up a hand.
"Focus both of you." Batman hissed sharply, "Now Superman do you have anything to add or will I be disappointed?" Batman asked his voice becoming mild which could be worrisome in its own right.
"Um, right, uh, well the temperature will be hot in some places and cold in others, so wear a coat or don't depending on where you live. Back to you Batman," Superman once again tried to swing the focus away from himself and instead focused on looking at Batman with puppydog eyes as if begging him to save him from further time on camera.
"Good job," Batman replied in a tone that nobody could quite read.
"Really?" Superman called from off screen.
Batman chose not to respond instead he turned back to the camera, "We have received disturbing news that an accident occurred in Star City. Our head reporter Flash is on the scene as is our local Star City reporter, Green Arrow." Batman paused allowing the camera in Star City to sync with the studio giving him video feed of the Flash standing near a crater with Green Arrow fighting criminals in the background. "Flash what can you tell us about the incident?"
"Well it seems there was a break in at the city's central bank and the robbers had access to explosives which went off prematurely causing damage to the surrounding area before they were put into place. Green Arrow could tell you more, but he's busy," Flash shrugged.
"Thanks Flash at least one reporter knows what he's doing, I think I'll need to have a talk with our unpaid intern Green Arrow. We'll come back to you guys once you can get things together and not embarrass us," Batman sighed and at his signal the feed cut out.
Wonder Woman apparently was sick of being ignored and chose to cut in, "We recently had our very own Black Canary take to the streets to gather of opinions from the general public on who the best couple would be among the League Members. The results might not at all surprise you."
A video of Black Canary interviewing 'citizens' started playing and it quickly became apparent that it was manipulated. The video would randomly cut out whenever it seemed someone was about to say anyone other than Wonder Woman and Batman and the audio was replaced by a mechanical voice saying 'Wonder Woman and Batman forever'.
The last 'completely neutral citizen' was just Hawkwoman wearing a blond wig over her helmet, which kept sliding off while she was being interviewed. "In my honest opinion I believe that the beautiful Wonder Woman and the handsome Batman would make the best couple," she poorly tried to disguise her voice and completely ruined it by adding, "oh crap, I'm about to miss a League meeting," and flying away.
"Ugh," Batman groaned, "really?" He looked at Wonder Woman who looked far more proud than the situation warranted.
"Well it looks like we would be the perfect couple Batman even the public says so," She leaned in and Batman's face remained completely neutral. "Could it be fate?" She asked in a whisper just loud enough for the mic's to catch.
"I don't think so," Superman yelled from his section of the studio, "leave Batman alone."
"Your job is to do the weather, this is my time," Wonder Woman yelled back leaving Batman to lean on one arm and observe the fight blooming. "I think I'll steal some of Superman's time because I can say for sure that the studio is getting pretty hot," Wonder Woman looked back at Batman.
Batman's response was to raise one eyebrow and dryly reply, "It must be hot considering how thirsty you are."
"This is going swimmingly," the voice of Aquaman filtered in from behind the camera trying to join into the conversation.
"Shut up," Batman growled looking past the camera at a rapidly paling Aquaman. He took a slightly calming breath and continued, "or I will come back there and deal with you myself. You aren't paid to speak."
"None of us are paid," Superman pointed out.
Batman waved the comment off, "Regardless of the lack of pay, I expect complete silence from the camera man unless I speak to you first."
A small beep cut through the argument that was still going on between Superman and Wonder Woman. Batman glanced down and immediately after stood up, "Alright everyone that was your five o'clock news, I received a report that something is happening in Gotham that requires my attention and I don't trust any of you to do this alone."
"It's not even ten minutes past five, are we really stopping now?" Wonder Woman asked.
"Yes, shut it all down," Batman walked out of the studio leaving everyone else to close things.
"Please tune in again," Wonder Woman said folding her hands and watching Batman walk away with undisguised hunger in her eyes.
A/N
This is just a fun little spin off of Public Service Announcements of Justice about the league running a television show as was mentioned in one of the chapters. I hope you enjoyed this because I loved writing it and thought it was hilarious.
Thanks for reading let me know what you thought and if there's any type of news you'd like the league to cover
