Jason's POV

At some point during the day, I managed to drag myself out of the bathroom and re-joined the Saints. Ash Mark and Steven were nowhere to be seen but I expected that. Chances are they won't re-join us tonight but stay holed up in their room. Its' been a long and trying day for the four of us.

"So," Pierce draws out the O sound breaking the uncomfortable silence hanging in the room causing everyone in the room but me to look up at him. He did always enjoy being the centre of attention but I can't deal with him at the moment. "Your girlfriend and brother." He states earning a glare from every member of the saints myself included as my head shot up much faster than I thought possible and gave him a look that would have Killbane on his knees begging for mercy. He coughs awkwardly into is hand to find his fear and embarrassment. "Poor timing sorry." Suspecting that the conversation is over I return to staring at the ground. "I'll ask later." I practically jump up at his words towering over him with my glare somehow becoming even more terrifying that everyone else backs away slightly in fear. "Or never. Never is good. I can do never." He somehow manages to mumble each word sounding quiet and shaky but still unable to shut up. Realising staying here isn't the greatest idea I head back up the stairs. A collective sign of release is followed by the gang. Whether that was out of relief or disappointment I honestly couldn't tell and I don't really care.

Deciding the roof would be the best place to clear my head I start moving in the direction of the stairs letting my memories rage within my head. The wind and cold was a refreshing relief on me as I sit on the edge looking over the city I now call my own. How far I've come from my days in the cult but also how little I've grown as a person. I've always wanted to feel like I belonged and I thought that being a saint would make me feel complete or healed in some way. Now as I sit here I've never felt so alone. My gang are my family and I love them all but they don't understand how I feel. Nor do they know me really. I've always tried to keep my past in the past. I don't talk about myself outside of gang life. Viola knows more about me than anyone in the gang and we used to be on the opposite side of the gang war a few months ago. I opened up to her to help her deal with the loss of her sister. Or what if that's just a lie I told myself when in truth I just want somebody to know me. The real me, not the one I hide behind. My siblings know that me but I abandoned them when they needed me most. I ran from them. I ran from my past and I'm still running now. Maybe that's all I do. Run from one place to another never looking back so I can never see the damage I left behind. How many of my friends have died for me. How many more will die. I don't know if I can handle losing anyone else. I need to protect those that I care about but to do that I need a plan. Not some half assed one but a proper thought out plan. Then again when has any plan I've made actually worked out.

The ringing of my phone grabs my attention. Glancing at I spot that it is an unknown number. Last time this happened it was Ashely calling. I wonder who will be calling this time. I pray to everything good it isn't someone else from my past to create more problems. Picking the phone up I can't help but feel slightly more relaxed as well as feeling worse as the speaker chats away with me. "Let me guess you're on the roof of the saints HQ. You always did feel better the higher up you are." Luna lets out a lit giggle. "Remember the first time you convinced me to climb that try and I fell out of it straight away. Couldn't get past the first branch and you were just looking down at me laughing so much that you then fell out of the tree." Against all odds, she manages to make me quietly laugh. She did always knew what to do with me when I got lost in myself. "I'm sorry about my abrupt exit." she starts to explain but I quickly stop her.

"It's fine Luna. Trust me on that. I understand why you had to leave so quickly. If your brothers knew then." I pause thinking of all the horrible ways she would be punished. "Then I would never forgive myself for getting you hurt." Just the thought of her being hurt fills with me sadness guilt and anger.

"I would be fine Jason." She replies firmly as if sensing my thoughts. "Besides it was worth it to see you again." I can't help but smile at that comment. She's right attacking my brother was worth the risk of being killed just to see her again. Taking a few seconds I can't help but think back to what Viola asked about whether of not I'm still in love with Luna. I admitted that I wasn't sure since it's been so long but here, we are chatting away. I would have thought us talking outside of our first meeting would be weird and awkward. But that isn't the case here. God, I wish I understood how I feel.

"If anyone, as to apologise for leaving it, would be me. I shouldn't have left you like I did."

"Then let's just say we both are awful at leaving the right way," she replies but I can't help but notice she doesn't acknowledge me leaving her behind. I think about questioning her more on the subject but the noise behind her changes my mind.

"What you listening too. And how did you get my number." Everyone seems to suddenly be able to call me.

"Well, firstly you have changed your number since we last saw each other so it was pretty easy and you should really change it at some point or who knows who will be calling. And for the music, I just have a random playlist on. Just in case my brothers are trying to listen in on me. You know how they are. Having the music on covers the fact that I'm talking to someone." Smart. Very smart. One of the reasons why I fell in love with her.

"Is there a reason other to say sorry to why you're calling me." realising that what I said could be taken badly or rudely I quick add on "Not that you need a reason to call me or anything. You know I was just wondering." Great work Jason. Smooth. Why don't you try and speak like a normal person for once.

"Yeah, there is." She doesn't seem offended by what I said which is good. Ast thing I need to do is piss her off now. "I was wondering if you were ok. Knowing you your siblings are grouped together and you don't want to intrude on them even through you wouldn't be intruding and they would hit you for thinking like that. And your gang don't know nearly enough about you to help you sort through your feelings so you have chosen to handle this alone." Ok, she knows really well. It's a little scary. "Jason. You don't do well on your own. You need people there for you. Talk to them. Doesn't have to be now or even today but talk to them."

"I don't know how," I admit in a defeated tone which matches my mood. I don't know what to do about any of this.

"Do you think Ashely knows how to talk about what we did to her. You can't force yourself to talk about something like this but you can try. Baby steps. Now back to the original question how are you." I hate that she's right.

"Struggling but surviving." is about the best way to sum me up at the moment.

"Figured as much." She responds. "have you got a plan on how to deal with my brothers."

"Nope. Got any idea's."

For some reason, I can feel her smirk down the phone. "Just one."