6Chapter 14: Grief and Hope
It was Shulk who led the long walk home.
Melia clutched the front ends of the cloak in her white-knuckled hands, watching the rain wash her father's blood from his robes. With every step, mud splashed from the ground onto her stockings and the hem of her shawl, already marred with reddish-brown smears.
Dunban kept the pace beside her, holding her father's body steady whenever she stumbled over uneven patches, quiet while her tears ebbed and flowed.
Just visible beyond him, the fur on Riki's head swayed without its usual vigour. Sharla was on Melia's other side, occasionally lifting a hand from her rifle to wipe her own eyes. Reyn brought up the rear, scowling into the distance.
Eventually, the plants and sand of the floating reefs turned into the stone and metal platforms of transporter platforms. No longer feeling raindrops pelt her face, Melia glanced up dully. They had entered the last tunnel.
The first floor of Alcamoth was mostly empty. In the distance, a transport pod took off in the direction of the fourth sector. A few knights were speaking urgently into transmitter radios. One of them finished his message and spotted the bedraggled group.
"What are you all doing out here? Get to shelter – is that a casualty – no…"
Heads were beginning to turn. The princess kept walking.
More High Entia were gathered on the second floor. Squadrons reported back from the sectors they had protected, some left with only half their members. Melia and her companions continued up the moving sidewalk. The dull chatter began to die out. Before them, the gathering of knights parted. They trudged undisturbed towards the Imperial Palace, a mournful weariness deep in their bones.
Kallian came rushing down then. Rainwater plastered his hair to his face and dripped down his robes, though it made no difference to how soaked they already were. Somewhat out of breath, the prince all but skidded to a halt before them, his eyes glimmering with hope.
"Shulk! It is good to see you safe. Where is Father? Did he return to the capital with you?"
Finding no words to say, Shulk moved aside and let the situation speak for itself.
Melia staggered forward with leaden legs. Slowly, carefully, she and Dunban lowered Sorean's body to the floor. Dunban stood back up, but Melia remained on the ground. How could she lift her head? How could she look her brother in the face?
"There, at Prison Island…" she choked out. "His Majesty the Emperor fought valiantly for us. His people. But we…"
Her voice cracked. She clenched her fists into her thighs. Lowering her forehead to her knees, she gulped back a sob, forcing the rest of her words out from behind it. "We could not save him. He died at the claws of a Faced Mechon."
Had the people behind Melia been civilians, they might have murmured more. Cried out in anger and disbelief, perhaps. But only the knights were there, and they said nothing.
Her brother took one step forward, then another. Slowly, he knelt, his fringe falling forward. Between them lay their father's body, limp and lifeless upon the torn imperial cloak. For a few moments, her companions and the rest of the High Entia seemed to fade, leaving the siblings in a world where each heartbeat stretched into a lifetime.
It was Kallian who broke the stillness, speaking so softly that only she could hear him.
"Melia. Are you badly injured?"
Slowly, jerkily, she looked up into empty teal depths and shook her head.
"Then you must stand, sister."
His face was a near-perfect mask of blankness as he reached for her hand, but Melia saw his fingers tremble just before they closed over her red-stained gloves.
And then they were on their feet. Kallian called the officers to him, his instructions quick and concise. Darrin and Ikarus were amongst them, departing for the different ministries in a matter of seconds. A team of white-robed High Entia hurried up Melfica Road, lifted the Emperor into an aircraft and made for the hospital. The rest of the knights reorganised themselves and dispersed, leaving the siblings alone with the Homs and Nopon.
"Shulk," said Kallian. "And all of you. Do not mistake my silence for anger or disappointment. What happened to Father was not your fault. No matter what we do, or how much we know… Some destinies… cannot be changed."
A faraway look entered his eyes.
"Take your time to rest and recover. The state funeral will be over in three days. If you would stay till then."
Feeling her brother's hand upon her shoulder, Melia turned back to the palace with him.
Kallian wasn't sure how he made it back to his chambers.
His feet had moved of their own accord, taking him through the hallways that his father would never walk down again. He had stared ahead, seeing everything and registering nothing, numbness curling inside him like smoke seeping from under a door.
Our Emperor is gone.
Along the way, he had passed the transporter to the Audience Chamber. A moment's hesitation, and then he had walked past it; there was no one for him to report to. For twenty years, it had been his father who stood in the centre of the dais, Kallian and the First Consort on either side of him. Would Melia now fill the space left behind?
Father is gone.
Kallian stopped outside the door to his chambers. It was here that his father had stood, his vision and his fate weighing upon him as he prepared to tell Kallian about Melia's appointment. It seemed they had been just in time, for who could have known that his rule would end a mere four days later?
"The disturbances to the balance of ether on this world… I had hoped it would not come this far."
But it had. There was no way the High Entia could continue as before. There was no way he could continue as before. Closing the door, Kallian leaned his back against it.
Father, why did you… I was your son. You nurtured and guided me. Why did I stand back and let you sacrifice yourself?
With an effort, he pushed himself upright and began to pace around the room. His robes clung to him, cold and dense as the clouds that hung in the sky and in his head.
Absently, he counted each round; after ten, he could no longer be bothered.
Surely you knew that this would happen, Father…
Minister Clarinne's reports still rested on his table. Kallian turned the top one over so that only the blank underside showed. Going through them now seemed like such an insignificant task, nothing compared to managing the losses that the High Entia had sustained.
You knew that Melia and I would be left behind.
Even the First Consort was gone. It was just him now, just him and Melia. Would he be able to take care of her, the hope of the High Entia, and prepare her for the mantle of Empress? Would he be able to face the approach of a destiny he could no longer deny?
Why did you have to leave us?
Kallian could see it then. He could see his father turn his back and depart from the Audience Chamber. Though Kallian himself had remained within the palace, he could see his father stride towards the capital transporter. He could see the knights attempt to stop their Emperor, could see them silenced with a single order, could see his mentor proceed ever onward until fate took him with claws of bloodstained steel.
He slumped into an armchair, not caring how damp it would be when he got up. The clouds in his head were thick and heavy. Dull pain crept through his chest and tightened his throat.
Why did you… have to leave me?
Finally putting his head into his hands, Kallian closed his eyes and let the rain fall.
Caught in the storm of his mind, drowning within each second, the prince could not hear the quiet knocks and the gentle creak of the door. He could not see his sister's approach, nor could he notice her pad across the carpet towards an ether-heated cupboard. But he could feel the warmth of the blanket she draped over him.
Night had fallen over Alcamoth; there was nothing to be heard but the sound of the rain.
"It is with the greatest sorrow that we make the following announcement. At 2200 hours today, it was reported from the Imperial Palace that our Emperor, who fought for us at Prison Island, was killed in the battle against the Mechon earlier this evening.
"We offer our profound sympathy to Her Highness, Crown Princess Melia Antiqua, and His Highness, First Prince Kallian Antiqua.
"The official period of mourning will begin tomorrow at 0800 hours and end exactly one week from then. At 1100 hours, a procession will follow His Majesty's coffin as it is brought to the Imperial Palace to lie in state for the next two days."
"Due to the late hour, further announcements will be made at 0800 hours, 0815 hours and 0830 hours tomorrow."
Sometime later, with both siblings in fresh clothing, they sat on Kallian's sofa in silence. The official announcement had been delivered just as he got out of the shower, but neither sibling had reacted. The first wave of grief had broken; now, despite an undercurrent of sadness, the sea within them had calmed.
Melia rested her head on her brother's shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her, unconsciously holding her a little tighter, as though she would vanish the next moment. Recalling the tenderness of her father's embrace, she leaned into him and exhaled shakily, her thoughts filling with those whom she had loved and lost.
Her mother, dead before she could see her daughter reach fifty years of age. Aizel, Hogard, Garan and Damil, who had defended her till their last breath.
"Keep those feelings of frustration close to you. It will help you to remember the debt you owe to those that have fallen."
Melia had been too slow then. She should have been more observant. She should have gotten up more quickly and pushed her father to safety. Why had she never realised how much he loved her? For most of her life, she had viewed him as little more than a figure of authority, but seeing him die in her arms had brought her the worst agony she had ever felt.
I must not let this happen again. Not to my brother, and not to my people.
She looked over at Kallian. At first glance, his expression appeared to have settled back into blankness, but his lips were pursed, a tiny crease barely visible on his forehead.
It hit her then: he was afraid. Of what to do next, of facing the reality of life without their father, and of what the Mechon had done to them. Plucked from the path of detached complacency, the High Entia now stood at the edge of an uncertain future, and the Antiquas had to lead them into it.
But we are not broken. Not yet, brother. I'll always be at your side. At least, that was what she wanted to tell him, but he spoke before the words could make it out of her mouth.
"Melia." His voice was low, but it remained steady. "We cannot keep our people waiting. Parts of the capital have been damaged. There are over a hundred casualties, and we have lost our Emperor. Will you take the reins immediately, or shall I serve as regent till you feel prepared?"
"Give me… one more year. Until it is time for my accession. I still have much to learn."
"A year is reasonable," he sighed. "Forgive me. I myself am not sure how best to proceed from this point. But I will do everything I can."
It was a quarter to one when Kallian left his chambers. Melia had gone back to the Imperial Villa earlier, so worn out from the day's events that she had attempted to walk through his doorway without opening the door beforehand. Kallian too was near exhaustion, but there was one more conversation that he needed to have. He turned left and entered one of the sitting rooms, taking the first seat he saw.
"Darrin, Ikarus. I must apologise for keeping you till this hour."
"Don't mention it. Must we tell the ministries anything more?"
"For now, my earlier instructions should suffice," Kallian replied, interlocking his fingers. "But one issue remains. When Melia's guests leave Alcamoth, I believe she should go with them."
Ikarus rested his chin on his hands. "Go with the Homs…"
"I will not deny the dangers. She is unfamiliar with most of the Bionis and the whole of the Mechonis, which may hinder her as they seek the Mechon. Yet an Empress cannot lack an understanding of her world. She should have the opportunity to see it for herself."
"Learning about our world is one thing, fulfilling her duties is another." Darrin folded his hands in his lap. "Though the people will mourn His Majesty, they will look for hope in Her Highness's rule. It would be less than prudent for her to go now."
"That is true. But consider this also. We have one year before Melia's accession, during which she has asked me to serve as regent. We cannot be sure how long their journey will take. Would it not be best for her to leave as early as possible?"
Darrin frowned. "The people have faith in you, Your Highness. But they also need to know that she will be there with them. Apart from that, her presence is required for those public matters. If Her Highness were to be absent then…"
"They don't have to know that she's there with them," mused Ikarus.
"What do you mean?"
"Even engagements are relatively easy to handle. Any citizen could take them, really. They would need preparation, but my point remains."
"So you suggest that we find someone to replace her?"
"Yes." He turned to the prince. "I know there are some things you cannot share with us. Even while we grieve for His Majesty, I sense your worry. Whatever it is, it's important that Lady Melia goes with them, right?"
Kallian blinked. "You are perceptive, Ikarus. Indeed, the Mechon attack is only the first of many things to come. If they are not stopped, I fear a greater disaster will befall us…"
Ikarus nodded. "We can't fight the Mechon as we are now. Yet, the desire for revenge is close to our hearts… even more so to Lady Melia's, I daresay. And the hearts of the Homs and Nopon who fought at her side."
"That is undeniable," admitted Darrin. "If there is more to come, Her Highness should have a part in fighting for us."
"Not only for us," Ikarus replied. "For the whole world. As for the one who replaces her, I have a friend from the fourth sector. She's about the same height as Lady Melia, and her voice sounds quite similar too. The imperial robes will cover her entire body, in any case."
Darrin looked from Ikarus to Kallian and back again. Leaning back in his chair, he sighed. "Alright. I have my doubts, but if Ikarus' friend is agreeable, then I too shall be."
"Then it is decided," said Kallian, standing. "This may not be the final arrangement. I will not assume that this is our only option; if something better presents itself, both of you will be the first to know. But thank you, Darrin, Ikarus. I am glad I sought your advice."
He made his way towards the door.
"Please, return to your families until tomorrow evening. Make sure they are well. If ever there was a time to treasure the warmth of their company, it would be now."
"– Your Highness!"
The prince turned. Darrin had risen from his chair. When he finally found the words to say, he met Kallian's gaze with gentle confidence.
"Whatever future we face… Her Highness may be our hope, but so are you."
The ghost of a smile crossing his features, Kallian inclined his head and left the room.
A/N: Hey, everyone (if there's anyone), this is probably the last chapter I'll be posting in a while. The next school year is going to be quite an important one for me, and until I get my academic act together, I think it's best that I leave this story as it is. I've also realised that I need to improve on the emotional quality of my writing, so I hope that by the time I return, I'll have picked up a few more tricks on how to convey that.
As someone who's never actually been through grief before, I'd like to apologise if some things seem too rushed or unrealistic. I've done as much research as I can, but I still think experience is the best teacher. And I hope that anyone who has felt such grief has recovered enough to smile again.
Thank you all so much for your support thus far. May 2019 be a good year for all of us :)
