6A/N
Alright, I finally did it...sorry it took so long I procrastinated this as long as I could. I wanted to put this out there and at the same time I didn't, I don't know if you get that or not but that's just how I'm feeling right now. After going back and reading the old version of this. I realized I had no introduction to the story besides "Link start!" which is awful so I fixed it...also for all of you people coming from my old story, I plan to make Suguha a bigger part of this and yes, what exactly happened between Kirito and Asuna will be more complicated than a simple breakup and Kirito is going to be an angst magnet for a while. I'm thinking of Cloud from Advent Children angst. So without any further ado, please enjoy my rather short prologue.
Eyes drifting closed…eyes drifting open…
No matter how many times his lids flickered up and down the color of the ceiling never changed. The once white color was faded to a dullish grey, chipped around the edges from leaking water pipes.
Eyes drifting closed…
Black clouds of nothingness swirled in his imagination, an out of date old movie projector played the scene in his head. Bright colors of daylight streaming down on her face, happy smiles and fun; a great day. Sky fading grey, smiles turn to frowns, rain drizzling down soaking him to the bones. The cliché projector turned to grayscale.
'How depressing,' eyes drifting open again, 'two months later and I'm still staring at the ceiling, wishing it was her eyes…I'm so pathetic.' Blinking rapidly, tears pricked from self-depreciating thoughts were dried and a long sigh sliced through the stale air.
'It's so quiet.'
But it has to be. Any noise, a laugh, ambiance, music, car horn, eating, and snoring, they could all trace back to her.
'I'm not angry,'
Disappointed yes, but understandably so, she was…just so – immature about things. Being trapped in a virtual reality for years forced him to grow up. Living on his own, surviving on his own, no one took care of him…and that's where he and Asuna were separated. No matter what happened, or what she did, she still had a league of fans ready to dive in front of her to take the killing blow. It was a nasty advantage, and while it was immoral it was still an advantage she had – an advantage she took.
'Stop. You know where these thoughts are leading you, just slow down and don't think about what happened. You're better than this.'
'Not good enough for her.'
'She just preferred quantity over quality.'
Before he could stop himself, a snicker escaped his lips. A low blow, but still a truthful one.
'I really should stop thinking about this, I'll upset again, and I know that'll make Mom and Suguha upset too. I can't keep putting them through this with me…'
Stripping his eyes away from the ceiling he turned his orbs to the disc next to his Nervegear headset. 'Suguha gave that to me,' the simple thought rolled around his fogged mind as he examined the spotless disk. Another smile broke out as he remembered Suguha's pouting face when she practically shoved the disk at him, demanding him to be happy. It was better at first, her pouting face was better than her crying one…
Not up for playing, not up for moving, not up for living his life. 'Do I normally sound this bad?' another ironic puff of amusement broke the precious silence.
More of the silence was wasted gazing at the ceiling in no thought. Highlights and shadows of white and grey caught his attention occasionally but still, the neverending expansion of cracks consumed most of his gaze. The dark vines spun towards the center where his fan and lightbulb hung. An ornament to brighten the room was dead with no replacement. 'The only thing it's good for now is to crash down to the floor and shatter, might be a bit prettier then...' Dark globes traced the cracks again. 'They're growing.' he thought, 'they could crash down on me at any moment...' he could picture it now, 'I wonder if she would care...' hollow laughter consumed him until his captured tears were freed and streamed down his face.
Crumpling down off the bed to the cold wooden floor he shook with sobs. He knew the answer already.
'Even if she didn't care, there's nothing I could do about it, I'm wasting away anyways...'
'...'
'Is that it?' Black eyes widened with realization. 'Is that really how much I care that I'm "depressed?"' A pained smile split his face, 'I don't know whether to smile at the irony or laugh at how sad that is, or cry because of how pathetic I've gotten…'
After their breakup, his online persona Kirito went from the third best player on world leaderboards, to the 607th. He would probably never make it into the top 50 again. But it didn't even matter anyways, with his luck he wouldn't be able to look at the game again let alone play it. Just the idea of seeing those graphics again churned his empty stomach.
'Even if I feel awful and I can't make something of myself anymore I should at least fake it for a while…for Suguha.'
Thoughts of his baby sister crying hysterically at her own little intervention sparked the waves of regret and more self-deprecating ideas.
'No, I can't anymore…I have to do something – anything – just to show her I'm okay…on the outside at least.' Eyes filled with a dark hope gazed back to the silver disk, it practically glowed in the soft natural light of his room. A beacon calling to him.
'I don't care about Nervegear anymore, I don't care about Asuna anymore, and I don't care about these feelings anymore…' he willed his brain to stop spouting lies. His will succeeded and he did know, 'I do care about Suguha.'
With a strong-willed, yet heavy heart, Kazuto set his Nervegear on his head, inserted the disc, and closed his eyes.
'For Suguha.'
"Link start!"
