37Ch 11 Growing Pains
A/N: Following an exhausting day of shifting, Annie lashes out in her sleep. A few days later, Hanji and Sasha go back to town to meet with the Scout Regiment for their return from the most recent expedition outside the walls, leaving Mikasa and Annie alone with each other.
Note: A bit a trauma, a bit of fluff. There is also a bit of time jumping back and forth here, hopefully it won't be confusing.
A few days tic by. Annie recovered much faster from shifting than the last time, and was given permission from Hanji to freely roam the old castle's grounds. This helped lessen the growing tensions between her and Mikasa from almost always being stuck in a space together. Even though they wanted some closeness, being forced in someone else's presence, as they had been, was more hurtful when they had little to no time for themselves.
For Annie it felt a bit stale. Sure she wanted to get closer to Mikasa, but on her own terms, and having space and time to herself without someone watching over her shoulder was exactly what she needed. This is what she thinks while wandering around outside of the castle, alone, as she explores the massive yard and dead gardens. 'This place is going to be really colorful once spring sets in, shouldn't be too much longer,' she thinks while tugging at a small tree branch filled with unbloomed buds.
Annie's loose hair flutters in a gust of wind, she brings a hand up to hold it out of her face. She scowls at her own lazy decision to not put it up in a bun that day. 'Maybe I should just cut it off,' she wonders while trying to place a mental image of herself with shorter hair. She shakes the idea off, content with the length. Annie then thinks of how Mikasa has taken a liking to stroking her fingers through her hair when it's down, usually only when she's in bed.
A smile tugs at her lips as her thoughts focus on Mikasa, particularly at how increasingly sweet she has been towards Annie. 'I'm turning into a sappy piece of shit.' She laughs quietly for a moment, hugging herself as she calms down and her smile drops when she recalls the morning following her titan shift. 'I can't believe I did that in my sleep.'
*3 days ago*
"Annie…. Annie! Stop messing around!" Mikasa shouts at Annie, having been woken up from a sharp pain in the back of her neck. She could feel her skin giving under the biting pressure from Annie, it would be beyond the point of bruising if she couldn't get the blonde to wake up. Annie had her limbs tightly wrapped around Mikasa in a way that made it difficult for her to move. "Dammit Annie!" She really didn't want to use too much force and risk hurting Annie while she's unconscious and likely experiencing an intense nightmare, but she was running out of options.
Mikasa could feel the light trickle of fluid down her neck, unsure if it is blood or spit, maybe both. Either way she'd had enough as she flexes and pushes against Annie's arms. She grunts under the strain, Annie really had a strong vice-like grip over her arms and their position only added to the difficulty of getting out of it. She could feel Annie's teeth digging further into her flesh, certain that she is bleeding now.
It takes her a long moment to apply enough force to make Annie's arms budge. Finally once they're pushed far enough away she grabs onto the blonde's wrists, prying them away from her. Unsure of how else to do it Mikasa then jerks herself forward, groaning from the shot of pain down her spine as a sizable chunk of skin rips away with Annie's teeth.
Freed of the vice Mikasa quickly reaches a hand back and gingerly prods the wound on her nape. Pulling the hand back into sight confirms that she is definitely bleeding, and badly. A sputtering cough from behind grabs her attention, cupping a hand over the wound as she turns around. Annie is awake, hunched over and gagging at the metallic taste of blood in her mouth.
Mikasa does her best to keep her cool and retrieves a towel from the bathroom, wetting it and bringing it back, but not before also grabbing a random shirt and pressing it firmly against her nape to slow the bleeding. "Annie, here." She says softly despite the pain still coursing through her as she starts wiping the blood off of Annie's face.
Annie continues coughing and spitting out blood into the towel, not even sure why she has blood in her mouth or where it came from after getting jarred awake so quickly, thinking that maybe she bit her own tongue or lip in her sleep. Mikasa stares at the bloody spot that had pooled onto the pillow, internally cringing before focusing on Annie. It takes the blonde several minutes to calm down and see past the tears that now run down her face brought on from the coughing. She then looks up at Mikasa in horror, quickly realizing where all the blood came from as Mikasa holds a now bloodied shirt against the wound.
"I am so sorry Mikasa, I didn't- realize that I was doing that- I was dreaming- and I was biting my hand and, fuck!" In her panicked state Annie beats herself up mentally until Mikasa places a firm hand on her shoulder, making her stop and look back up at her with fresh tears in her eyes. Ignoring the pain she felt Mikasa couldn't help but think how vulnerable, how weak, how- human Annie looked in that moment. Despite the fact Annie just had a mouthful of her own blood, she couldn't help but lean down and place a kiss on the blonde's lips. It was meant more as a method to hopefully calm the blonde down, but it's a kiss that Annie is quick to pull away from in discomfort with an incredulous expression.
"Don't, right now isn't exactly the time for that." Annie's voice shook as she spoke, feeling more concerned about Mikasa than anything else in that moment.
"It's fine Annie, but, I should get Hanji to look at this right away. The last thing I want to deal with is an infection, and they'll want to know what triggered this to happen." She felt lightheaded, swaying slightly while wondering if she'll need stitches. Annie reaches up and places a hand on Mikasa's shoulder having her turn around and sit down on the bed. She pulls the ruined shirt away from the bite just enough to see how serious it is for herself. She cringes at the sight, cursing loudly before placing the shirt gently back into place and clambering out of the bed.
"Stay here, I'll get Hanji." She says hurriedly before bolting out of the room, the door slamming open loudly.
A few hours and several stitches later Hanji sighs as they sit back to double check their handiwork. "Alright, that should do it. You'll likely have some scarring from this, but it shouldn't be too bad in time. You'll need to keep a close eye on it to watch out for infection, I think it'll be alright though."
"Thank you Hanji." Mikasa says, slowly turning her head from side to side to stretch her now sore muscles. She glances over to Annie who looks like she's about to have a meltdown next to her, fidgeting constantly with her hands balled into fists on her lap.
"Annie." Hanji says firmly to grab the blonde's attention, this gains them a glazed over pair of blue eyes looking at them. "Now that we have time to talk, could you explain how this happened? I'll need you to provide as many details as possible."
Annie complies and explains the dream, nightmare rather, that she was having prior to the incident. She couldn't recall all the details, but she did remember fighting someone, a titan shifter she didn't recognize and in response went to shift into a titan herself. Only to be denied even as she bit wounds up and down her arms as she tried over and over again. Her urgency to shift only increasing when she had seen Mikasa become wounded, the screams almost still echoing in her mind, and then how she became lifeless on the ground.
"I see, perhaps the bit of carnage from your spar with Ymir fueled this dream of yours. Unfortunately Mikasa's neck took the place of your arms in the real world. It's something we'll have to look into in the future, and be careful about." Annie just nods with her eyes focused back down into her lap, unable to clear the guilt from her mind. "For now though let's hope this was a one time thing, and since I keep a stocked first aid kit around I'll give Mikasa some medicine to take."
"Thank you again Hanji, I don't think I could have handled something like this on my own."
Sasha, who had been sitting farther away from the others glances over to Mikasa with a frown before looking to Annie. "You're sure you didn't do it on purpose?" She asks from out of nowhere, her serious tone matching the expression on her face. Everyone looks up at her in disbelief, Annie more so than anyone else. A drawn out pause stretches out before Annie is capable of forming the words, angry that Sasha would even suspect she'd do something like that intentionally.
"Of course I didn't. Biting myself to shift is bad enough, it's not something I would just do to someone- least of all Mikasa." Annie's voice is hoarse but firm as she makes her point known. She wanted to say more, but she also knows that she might lose her cool if she keeps talking and hopes that that was enough to get Sasha off her back.
The brunette doesn't take her eyes off of Annie, analyzing her expressions and every little detail. Finally she sighs loudly and apologizes. "Sorry Annie, I don't want to not trust you, but I also don't want my friend in danger."
"I understand."
"How are you feeling right now Mikasa?" Sasha then directs her attention to her friend.
"Better than before. More sore than anything else. I've gone through worse."
"Ah right, I should get that medicine out." Hanji says while pulling their satchel close and digging around until they pull out a small pouch. They shake it before untying it and pouring out a handful of pills. "These should help dull the pain." They hand two to Mikasa before placing the pill pouch aside. "I'll leave the rest of those with you, take some in a few hours." Hanji then gathers their supplies and stands away from the bed. "For now, I think I'm going to go stretch my legs. This has been one hell of a morning. If you need anything though, let me know."
With that Hanji leaves the room, eyes making contact with Sasha's on the way out. "Right… I'll go too. Get some rest Mikasa and take those pills, I'll check in later with some soup."
"Thank you Sasha, that's not necessary you know."
"No, but I'm still going to do it." With that Sasha sticks out her tongue then leaves after Hanji. As soon as the door clicks shut Mikasa sighs and focuses her gray eyes on Annie, who seems to be refusing to look up at her. She frowns and points to the glass of water sitting on the nightstand next to Annie.
"Could you had me that glass Annie?" She keeps her voice soft and Annie does as she's asked without a word. Mikasa quickly downs the pain pills, setting the empty glass aside she scoots closer to Annie, pulling the distraught woman against her chest.
"Mika-…"
"I'm not mad at you, Annie."
"But-…"
"I don't want you beating yourself up over this, it was out of your control, and I'm fine. Let's just put it behind us quickly, okay?" Mikasa says while rubbing a hand against Annie's arm soothingly.
"It could happen again-" Annie's complaints are silenced when Mikasa presses a kiss against her lips. Like earlier Annie pulls back quickly trying to put distance between them.
"Please, even though I cleaned my mouth out I had blood in there, that's not-" Mikasa doesn't care, it was her own blood after all, as she pulls Annie back against her lips. Annie wants to put up more of a fight about it, to pull away and keep Mikasa from kissing her, but she also doesn't want to. She wants to stay in this comforting embrace with those soft lips caressing her own, but she also doesn't want to. Finally, tired of fighting back and forth with herself over it she sighs into the kiss and relents. Mikasa pulls Annie closer, holding her there against her chest as their hearts thrum in unison. Had the situation been any different Mikasa would have pressed for more, but the ache in her neck wasn't having it, and Annie is certainly not in the right state of mind for such things.
They stayed holed up in the room all day with Mikasa mostly napping from the medicine, and Annie staying close, keeping an eye on her and checking the bandages every few hours. Annie would continue thinking about what happened for the next few days, uncertain about herself and almost afraid to sleep next to Mikasa in the coming nights. But Mikasa wouldn't have any of it and insisted they sleep normally.
*Present*
'It's been three days since then and nothing like that has happened again, and Mikasa's wound is healing well. Still…' Annie thinks about the scars that will be left behind by something she did, even if unintentional. Mikasa has kept insisting that it's fine and for Annie to not let it bother her, and she tries not to think about it, but sometimes it's hard not to.
Aside from the negative aspect, something about that incident triggered something in them both. Even though Annie is hesitant to be close to Mikasa, especially while sleeping, they've been getting a lot closer. Mikasa is constantly stealing kisses from her, making sure she's feeling okay, and even made lunch for them earlier. Of course these things weren't one sided, Annie had been doing similar things, if for no other reason than Mikasa's enthusiasm was contagious. Well, except for the cooking, that's something Annie hadn't done for them yet and is in no rush to do so.
*Earlier that day*
Mikasa walks into the bedroom, finding Annie seated out on the balcony. She hadn't left the room much since the incident days ago and Mikasa was getting concerned about it. She decided she'd surprise Annie with some lunch as she balances two plates in her hands, using her butt to close the door behind her. Upon hearing the door close Annie looks over her shoulder at her and then at the plates she carries.
"What's all that?" Annie asks as Mikasa walks out on the balcony with her. She hands one of the plates to her and Annie inspects what's on it, more breakfast than lunch with eggs, bacon and baked potato cut into cubes.
"I thought you might be hungry so I fixed something. It's been a while since I've really cooked anything so I hope it's okay." She sits down next to Annie, watching as her companion pokes at the food.
"You didn't have to go through the trouble." The comment earns her a slight bump from Mikasa's elbow into her own.
"Don't worry about it, just eat. I know you're still caught up on what happened, but I'm already over it. It's healing quickly and doesn't bother me anymore." Mikasa says before taking a bite of bacon. She watches Annie from the corner of her eye as she remains silent but also starts eating.
Their plates are set aside after they're done, and both are on their feet leaning against the railing looking out at the open fields before them. Annie finds herself unsure what to do now as she feels Mikasa staring at her. She then realizes she didn't thank Mikasa for the meal. "Thank you for making lunch, it was all good- and sorry for being this way. I'm having a hard time about it."
"I know, that's why I'm worried about you." Mikasa reaches over and places a hand over Annie's, rubbing her thumb against it. "If there's anything I can do to help let me know." Annie's fringe falls over her right eye, hiding her face from Mikasa until she moves her hand up to move the fussy strands away. Annie watches her, vision no longer obscured as Mikasa's fingers brush across her face. The blonde moves, leaning her forehead against Mikasa's chest and a moment later arms wrap around her back pulling her closer.
"I'll be fine, I just need to sort through my thoughts a bit more." Annie says softly as her fingers clench into Mikasa's shirt.
"Okay, as long as you mean that." Annie nods against her, feeling absorbed by Mikasa's warm embrace. But she still couldn't relax completely and eventually starts pulling away with her gaze focusing to the side.
"Would it be a problem if I walked around on my own for a bit?" Annie asks softly. She feels Mikasa tense briefly as if the question bothered her, but then she relaxed again and slides her arms off of Annie.
"Hanji already gave you permission for that, you don't need to ask me, so long as you don't leave the castle grounds."
"I won't." Annie adds, "I don't exactly have anywhere else to go at this point, and I think I have a good reason to stick around." She turns to face Mikasa finding a blush on the taller girls face, her lips are parted slightly as if she wanted to say something but couldn't form the words. Annie smiles at her then tip toes up to place a gentle kiss on those soft lips before leaving Mikasa to be alone.
*Present*
That's how Annie ended up here in this garden, accompanied only by her thoughts. She'd been out so long that she hadn't realized just how long until the sky began to turn orange and purple. 'I've been out here all day. I wonder what Mikasa has been doing.' She wonders, looking towards the castle half expecting to find someone watching her from a window. But there is no one as far as she could tell. She is truly alone, and she is starting to realize just how much she disliked the feeling.
'Never realized I would be the clingy type.' She thinks this before beginning to make her way back towards the castle. Once inside it isn't hard to find Mikasa by following the sound of her voice towards a sitting room on the main floor. Sasha is also there eating something, Annie doesn't care enough to try and figure it out as she stands by the door.
Mikasa notices the blonde right away and her expression immediately brightens upon seeing her. "You finally came back. I was about to come look for you before your food got cold." She says pointing to a steaming plate of mashed potatoes and some kind of sauce covered beef and mushrooms. "Sasha made dinner, so I hope you're hungry." Annie looks at the food and realizes she is pretty hungry.
"Thanks Sasha, I could eat." Annie sits next to Mikasa and picks up the nearby plate. Mikasa and Sasha continue their conversation while she eats, something about the scout regiment and upcoming improvements to their maneuver gear. Nothing notably interesting enough to keep the blonde's attention.
"Oh right, I wanted to tell you both this while you were together to save me the trouble, but Hanji and I will be returning to the capital tomorrow. We sent the last military police guy that was stationed here back also, so it will be just you two here for at least a few days."
"I bet he had something to say about being sent out." Mikasa states watching Annie from the corner of her eye who is paying attention to the conversation.
"Yea well, Hanji gets the final say about this situation, so he had no place to dispute their decision. I'm not sure about Hanji but I'm hoping to continue making frequent visits, someone has to make sure you two have a steady flow of supplies at least and I'd be more than happy to volunteer for that. But the scout regiment is due back by noon tomorrow and Hanji must meet with Erwin and the others for their report." Her voice then lowers to a more serious tone. "I hope things went well for them, maybe they made more progress out there."
"Well their recent expeditions have yielded more and more success. They're making it farther out each time so I have no reason to believe this one would be any different. And they have Eren with them."
Sasha smiles at Mikasa and nods. "You know, you've really grown up these past four years Mikasa, I mean obviously but, you're different."
"What makes you says that?" Mikasa never felt any different, more calm perhaps. Annie's attention is now on Mikasa, curious to see what Sasha will point out about her.
"You're a lot less worried about Eren lately, not stressed that he's out there in titan territory. Before you would fight tooth and nail to be right next to him, being his guardian. I guess Eren has matured too though, he's not as hot headed as he used to be, and has gotten a lot better at utilizing his titan form." Sasha eyed Annie for a moment noticing how focused on Mikasa she is and smiles.
Mikasa laughs lightly at the comment. "I guess you're right. I just know how capable he is now, and he doesn't need me watching over his shoulder at every waking moment." Mikasa then feels a light touch on her hand, glancing down she finds Annie's hand resting on hers. The blonde's eyes are focused elsewhere but still Mikasa smiles at her.
Not questioning the subtle display of affection between the two, Sasha decides to call it a night and wanders off to find Hanji. Now alone together Annie leans against Mikasa and rests her head on her shoulder. "Have a good day?" Mikasa asks softly, gaining a silent nod from Annie.
"Were you able to sort out your thoughts?"
"Yeah, a bit." Annie rubs her eyes, feeling tired suddenly. A hand strokes up her back coming to a stop just over her nape. A shiver runs down her spine as Mikasa's fingers lightly stroke along her hairline. She releases a shaky breath and soon those long fingers are playing through her hair, occasionally getting caught in a knot that Mikasa gently removes. She then feels lips press against the top of her head sending a blush to her cheeks.
"You look tired. Maybe we should turn in as well?" Mikasa asks after pulling her lips away and gazes down at Annie. The blonde nods silently then stands and turns to face her before she has a chance to get up. She leans close and places a firm kiss against Mikasa's lips which she gladly leans into, a content hum escaping her throat. Annie reaches down and takes Mikasa's hands in hers before breaking away from the kiss. With a matching blush on their faces Annie tugs Mikasa's hands pulling her up off the seat and leads her to their bedroom upstairs, making sure to be quiet in case the others are asleep.
Annie crawls into the bed first and immediately curls up in the middle, enjoying the feel of the cool sheets beneath her. A moment later she feels the bed dip and her body shifts, sending her rolling against Mikasa and one strong arm pulls her closer.
The next morning Sasha wakes them up with a hard knock on their door, and not waiting for a response, throws it open. "Rise and shine you two!" Her initial response is a pair of grumbles beneath the blankets and a groan as Mikasa forces herself to sit up. She glances at the window, the sun barely peeking over the horizon, then throws a glare back to Sasha.
"You two really couldn't wait an extra hour or two? It's still so early."
Sasha laughs at the response. "Don't tell me Annie's laziness is rubbing off on you already." Mikasa sighs and scratches her head glancing down at her blonde companion whose eyes are still closed in an attempt to go back to sleep.
"Give us a minute and we'll come down to see you two off."
"Alright, but don't take too long, Hanji is already antsy about leaving." Mikasa nods to her and she exits the room. As she's about to look back down at Annie she feels a pair of arms circle her waist. At some point she had snaked behind Mikasa still laying down and now just hugs her waist. Blue eyes groggily looking off at nowhere specific.
Mikasa laughs and turns slightly, reaching down to run her fingers through Annie's loose hair. Annie smiles at the touch and glances up at her. She feels a little silly being like this, smiling and sharing this moment with Mikasa just staring at each other at the early an hour, but she also feels that letting Mikasa see she even has a silly side is okay. She then gets a devious thought and her smile turns into a grin and, before Mikasa has the chance to think, she presses her fingers into the flesh just above her hips. The reaction from Mikasa is both unexpected and satisfying as she jolts and yelps, and soon is pulled into a fit of angry laughter as Annie tickles her.
A string of expletives escape Mikasa's lips between the giggles and gasps as she becomes breathless from the onslaught. It takes everything Annie has just to keep her from pulling away from the torture and she enjoys every minute of hearing the sounds Mikasa makes. Her laughter especially making her feel giggly herself. Eventually she stops and immediately has her hands pinned down to the bed on either side of her head. Mikasa leans over her panting as she recovers her breath.
With her heart pounding Mikasa focuses narrowed eyes down at Annie, a look that promised payback at some point. "I didn't think you'd actually be ticklish." Annie says with an amused grin. Mikasa leans down and presses a hard, chaste kiss against her lips. Before backing away she bites Annie's lower lip, the soft pink flesh is tugged briefly then it snaps back into place as it's released, leaving Annie breathless as Mikasa climbs out of bed.
Clearly ignoring Annie's comment about being ticklish Mikasa heads for the door. "They aren't going to keep waiting, come if you want to." She walks out, and Annie can't help but laugh at how pissed off she is. After having a moment to herself she follows after Mikasa. She runs her tongue across her lips as she walks, the bottom is sore where it had been bitten, it isn't unpleasant though.
'I doubt that's the only punishment I'm going to get for that. So worth it though.' She thinks to herself before stepping outside, easily spotting Mikasa and the others near the stables. Mikasa still looks a bit agitated as she approaches them, gaining a hard glare from the taller girl. 'Definitely still pissed.'
"We were starting to think you'd probably gone back to sleep." Sasha says with a smile.
"Surprisingly no, but it did cross my mind. Not like you need me around to say good-bye's anyway." Annie says nonchalantly, trying to sound as uninterested as possible.
"Hmm, well I can't say for Hanji, but I'm glad you came to see us off. You are one of us after all." This comment takes Annie by surprise, the sudden comradery making her feel awkward and shifts her weight from one foot to the other. Mikasa watches on as Annie struggles to keep her composure and is about to say something when Hanji walks over after saddling the horse and speaks up first.
"Yes, Annie, you are one of us, and you need to start getting that mind of yours back into top condition. That includes waking up in the morning, doing chores, being ready for anything at a moments notice. The Military Police may have been lazy and lenient on you during your time with them, but once we get things rolling with your duties in the Scouting Regiment you can expect to have greater demands and expectations placed on you. You can handle that, can't you? We can rely on you?" Hanji's tone is eerily calm as they speak, it's unnerving to the others.
It's then that Annie fully realizes, that everything falls into place in her mind, that her life is vastly different from what it was before, and it will continue to change around her in the days, months, maybe even years to come. She'll finally be pulled into the Regiment, and live a dangerous lifestyle of fighting titans for the sake of protecting the people she once called enemies. She feels a hand grasp her shoulder, an attempt to get her to respond quickly, the storm gray eyes behind that grasp demanding she stay focused.
She realizes in that moment, that she will soon be fighting side by side with this woman that has held onto such deep feelings for her after all these years, even when they barely knew anything about each other before. This woman that she finds herself falling for more and more every single day that she wakes up next to her. This woman that she wants to not only protect, but fight as a united team against a common foe, for a real cause, for her future. For 'their' future.
All of these thoughts flash through her mind in a instant that feels like hours, and again the hand on her shoulder tightens its grip to a painful degree. The sting fully brings her back to the situation at hand, all eyes are on her as they await her response. She suddenly finds herself, for the first time, actually motivated into throwing her fist over her heart and the other firmly against her back. Her expression is dead serious as her heart pounds in her chest, a heart that has been stolen by the tall woman standing next to her.
"I will devote my heart to this, please place your faith in me. I'm done running, and hiding. I've finally found something that I care about more than myself, that I want to protect. Even if it means giving my life." Her voice grows smaller at the end, moving her gaze from Hanji's pleased smile to Mikasa's surprised expression, her pale cheeks tinted pink from Annie's passionate declaration.
With a laugh Hanji pats Annie's arm, wholly satisfied with the display of enthusiasm. "Good! I'm glad to hear that, and I fully expect you to uphold that promise. For now though we need to get moving, Sasha."
"Alright. Bye you two, take care of each other, and there are plenty of food supplies in the kitchen. I also made a pot of stew that can be reheated and should last a few days. I'll come back when I can with more supplies." Sasha hugs Mikasa without a thought and then turns to Annie who just stares back at her. She grins and pulls Annie into a hug much to the blondes dislike but she endured and even lightly returned the gesture.
Once freed of the hug Annie takes a small step closer towards Mikasa and they both watch as Hanji and Sasha ride off. It's not long before they vanish into the distance, leaving the two alone.
A/N: Whew, okay, I know I said there would possibly be smut in this chapter but I just didn't get to it, and before I knew it this was already over 5k. I try not to make a chapter too much more than that. Hopefully the neck biting wasn't too traumatic, it's just something that sprouted out of my head at the time, and that there was enough fluff to make up for it. I can safely say, expect smut in the next update! (Finally, I know right?!) But any who, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I'll keep working diligently to get the next out as quickly as possible. Until then, take care!~
