43The next day starts much the same, with Harry up early and reading in the common room. Luna wanders down shortly after he does, but Penny doesn't appear this time. He's reading the same book as the day before, and Luna wanders behind him. Harry tries to focus, but when he finds himself reading the same line for the eighth time, he turns to watch the eccentric blonde.
Luna has dragged the mobile staircase over and is perusing the upper shelves, leaning off of the top of the stairs precariously. She pulls out a book and frowns, jerking her hips to move the stairway. It skids to the side, sliding on the stone floor. Harry carefully pulls his wand and reminds himself of the movements for the levitation charm as he watches Luna continue pilfering books. She finally finds one that meets her standards and sets it down on the stair, before gleefully leaping from the staircase to the shelves. Harry jumps to his feet, ready to save her from falling, but she instead latches onto the shelves and scampers along them. Harry watches flabbergasted as Luna circles the whole room before daintily climbing down the staircase with her book.
"Oh, hello Harry." She says calmly.
"Luna! But, you, around the-" Harry sputters.
"I was running from the limp-nosed frolickers. They hide in dusty shelves and cause you to sneeze blue mucus. I thought I saw one." She explains.
"Okay." Harry says, processing this new information.
"Harry, why do you have your wand drawn?" She asks, tilting her head to the side, curious.
"In case I, um, In case I had to catch you." He explains, feeling foolish.
"Oh. Thank you, but as you can see, I'm an excellent climber." She says.
"Right. Um, enjoy your book on..." Harry trails off.
"The Essential Guide to Summoning Eldritch Monstrosities. It's quite fascinating." She bubbles.
"It sounds, delightful."He offers, trying to find a way to hide is horror.
"Maybe. We'll have to see how inaccurate it is. Are you still reading that book on wood transmutation?"she asks, settling in on the sofa across from him.
"Yes. I don't understand a lot of it, but I figure it can't hurt to know it, even if I'll never need to use it." Harry rationalizes.
"That's fair. But I think you may use it anyway. Things are funny like that some times. Want to head down for breakfast?"
"But, you just got your book!" Harry says.
"But I'm hungry after all that climbing. Besides, we have DaDa today. I'll have plenty of time to read there." Luna says.
"What do you mean?" Harry can't help but ask. He's only overheard good things about Lockhart, up until now.
"You'll see." Luna says, tucking her book into her bag and standing, "You coming?"
"Yeah." Harry says, shoving his book into his bag too.
Not long after, they're walking into Lockhart's class, which is… loud. Portraits of him cover every wall, even the ceiling. Smiling faces greet them in a chorus of "hellos", and "have a seats".
The pair found places at the end of one of the more middle rows, Harry following Luna's lead. Luna, who knew Lockhart was a fraud, opted for an easily overlooked position. A few minutes layer, the man himself swept into the room in a flashy glittery golden cape.
"Ah, so nice to see eager students! And my old house at that, Magnificent! Don't think this gets you bonus points though!" he says with a wink though Harry can barely see it though the shine, and Luna is already in her book. When neither child seems willing to engage with the showman, he retreats back to his office to be ready to dazzle at the next group.
Harry, seeing nothing else to do, pulls out his own book and starts reading too. Just as he is reaching a part he might understand, the rest of the class shuffles in. They find their seat in a raucous clamor, and soon Lockhart reappears.
"Greetings all of you youngsters! I'm sure you know who I am, but I'll introduce myself anyway, only polite after all!" he laughs at his joke, but no one else does. "I am Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award. Please, no applause."
No one looked like they were going to anyway, but he overlooks this.
"Thank you all, now since this is your first class on defense Against the Dark arts, have no fear! I'm not going to throw you up against banshees, like I was in my book, Break With a Banshee. Nor am I going to toss you up to a werewolf like I was in my other book, Wandering With Werewolves." He pauses and walks across the front of the room, unfolding a long pointer and clacking it on the blackboard.
"For your first day, I figured we'd start off with a pop quiz! Nothing too hard, just a measure of how much you know already. If everyone here read Travels With Trolls, then we may not need to cover them, depending on how closely you read!" Lockhart announces, passing a stack of quizzes to the first row to hand back.
From the first question on, Harry realizes that the pop quiz is full of nothing of substance.
'What is Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award,'s favorite meal?'
'How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award lost a duel?'
Harry does try to answer what he can, but it's a useless attempt, and he ends up leaving most of it blank. Discreetly looking over at Luna's, he realizes that the blonde never even picked her copy up, and has yet to lookup from her book.
"Psst, Luna!" harry whispers. "Luna!"
"Hm?" she asks, still not looking up.
"There's a quiz." Harry tells her.
"He's a fop, so it's useless." She says distantly, returning to her book.
Lockhart has them pass up the quizzes after a few more minutes, and then proceeds to grade them at his desk without giving them anything else to do. He corrects the wrong answers verbally, praising a few who answered most of the questions right. (Harry wonders what the benefit of knowing the right answers is.) Lockhart doesn't call out anyone who failed his little quiz, and soon after he finishes his grading he dismisses them. Harry pack sup his bag and taps Luna's shoulder.
"Time to go."
As they walk toward the great hall for lunch Luna asks him, "Was class any good?"
"You were right, it was useless." Harry admits.
"Let's grab lunch quickly then and head to the library. We still need to learn defense."
Taking the suggestion to heart, they rush through lunch and run for the library, knowing that they have some time, but eager to regain the loss from Lockhart's useless class.
"Well, you two are the third group of Ravenclaws to come and see me since the year began, still leading the other houses by a margin of seventeen or so." Madam Pince remarks as the pair rush around the corner only to slow and stroll into the library, wide eyed and curious. "Ask away."
When neither of them comes up with a question, she gives them a look, "You're ravens, you have to have at least one question. I promise I won't bite, worst I'll do is refuse to answer."
"What are the library's hours?" Harry asks, remembering the house initiation.
"Practical. If I am here, the library is open. I try to be here directly after breakfast, and close up around curfew. Around exams I make an effort to be here more and to stay later, and during holidays I'm here less. I'm guessing your next question will be about book checkout?" She asks.
When they nod she continues, "You are allowed to check out three books at a time, for a period of a month, unless I give an extension. If you have a book overdue, you cannot enter the library until it is returned. Books do not have to be returned in person, and there is a bin by the door for returns. The house elves check them back in and reshelf them. Books from the restricted section cannot be checked out, and furthermore require a professors approval to peruse."
"What color were you?" Harry asks shyly.
"I beg your pardon?" Madame Pince replies.
"He means house. Harry refers to the houses by their colors." Luna clarifies.
"I see. Well, I was not, as most suspect, a Ravenclaw like you two. I beg no disrespect, but much of your house do not have the patience to manage such a vast collection, not even bringing into account the peculiarities and temperaments she has. No, I am a proud badger." She explains.
"How is the library sorted?" Luna asks.
"Now that would be telling, wouldn't it?" Pince says with a smile, "question time is over, now have at them. But be careful!"
The two find a table off the beaten path, not that the library is well traveled this early in the year. Harry pulls out a parchment and starts a list, having watched his aunt do just that far too many times not to appreciate the efficiency of it.
"What do we need to accomplish this year in regards to our classes?" He prompts Luna.
"Professor Lockhart is useless." She says, watching him write, "and I've heard Binns is no good too."
"So History and Defense." Harry says, "I was worried about Potions, but Snape seems alright."
"We seems well covered in Transfiguration and Charms." Luna adds.
"Herbology and Astronomy we have yet to go to." Harry says, adding them to the list with question marks.
"So what's the best way to study defense and history?" Harry muses, absently chewing on the end of the quill.
"I'd say read the textbook for them both." A voice says with a mildly lecturing tone. Harry whirls around to see the red from the train leaning on a bookcase, crutch tucked under one arm.
"But the textbooks for Defense are useless!" Harry says, blithely passing over the fact that he doesn't have even have them.
"Lockhart is a accomplished wizard,so no they are not." Hermione argues, sitting down at the table, "He's done a lot of things."
"He gave a pop quiz that had zero relevant questions!" Harry says.
"That was to test if people read the introductory material, as well as introduce himself. It was a bit over the top, but when aren't magicals? It's common in muggle schools to have the teacher prove their knowledge the first day of class." Hermione reasons.
"He has pictures of himself on every surface!" Harry says.
"Vanity, last I checked, is not a measure of one's knowledge." Hermione answers smoothly, ignoring that she has made that exact judgment with her dorm mates.
"He smiles too much!" Harry protests.
"Now you're just being unfriendly." She retorts, leaning back. "Truth is, you don't like that he may know something more than you."
"His books are lies. In Year with the Yeti he claims to be in Tibet from April to June, yet in Break with a Banshee he has to be in that village mid-May, since their festival is May 25th. He cannot be in two places on opposite sides of the continent at once, ergo, he's a fraud." Luna interjects lazily, causing Hermione to sputter and pull out her books. When she's reread the pertinent parts, Luna digs out a book of her own and passes it over, opening it to the bookmarked page.
"By god, it's true."Hermione breathes, checking the dates in all three books again. "You're right, he's a fraud."
"Daddy thinks he's a memory charm master and he's defrauded people of their achievements." Luna adds.
"That would explain it." Hermione says.
"But that's all I've found so far. Daddy says I need to check for myself, so he wouldn't tell me what he found that contradicts itself. There's bound to be more." Luna says, taking her book back.
"I'll find them all and then-" Hermione says.
"And then what?" Luna asks.
"And then I'll have a list of them all, and it won't matter because no one cares." the bookworm says, "never mind."
"What do you mean no one cares?" Harry asks.
"I'm not exactly liked by my year mates. Happens when you almost kill two of them."
"What?" Harry asks., "What happened?"
"It starts when I got here. I was nervous about magic, about this new world. So I read everything I could about it. I memorized our textbooks. I could answer any question, quote any line. And I was good at magic at first. The others, they didn't like that I knew so much and was successful here they struggled. They called me names and stole things, did all sorts of little things that made life miserable. Well, one day, it got to me and I ran to the bathroom to cry. Not very brave of me.
Well, somehow a troll got let in. It found me all alone, since everyone else was at the feast. I screamed and screamed, but no one came. Not until it was almost too late. Professor Snape heard me and rescued me. I don't know what happened exactly, but I woke up in the hospital wing. Madame Pomphrey explained that the troll had hit me with its club, and it was a miracle I was alive. But, I had injured my spine. She healed what she could, and even now I'm under a strict regime of potions, but I have to use the crutch because my spine won't let me stand straight."
"That doesn't explain how you nearly killed someone." Harry says.
"I'm getting there, "Hermione admonishes, "So I was healing, and for a time the bullying stopped. But then, near the end of the year, it started up again. There were two main culprits, and I had potions with them both. So I threw some juniper bark In their potions. It was supposed to neutralize them and ruin them- but instead they started to boil and shake. Professor Snape threw up a shield right before they exploded, melting a hole in the ceiling. If he hadn't shielded them, they both would have died, along with quite a few others.
In the investigation, it came to light that the salamander scales we were using had gone bad, and they reacted violently with the juniper. Professor Snape gave me detention for the rest of the year and this one too- but it's just advanced Potions. I think he likes me." Hermione explains.
"Wow." Harry says. "That's crazy. But, I don't understand how people seem to hate him. He seems like an alright professor to me."
"Professor Snape is very demanding, and he only gets worse as you learn more potions. He doesn't forgive mistakes, and has very high standards. He also is biased toward his own house. When you have potions with Slytherin, you'll see what I mean." She says.
"You're a second year, "Harry says, "What would you recommend for teaching yourself defence?"
"I'm no professor, but I'd do what I did last year. Professor Quirrel had a terrible stutter, so I could barely understand him. I ended up reading the textbook and practicing on my own with supervision from an upper year." Hermione says.
"And History?" Harry prompts.
"Binns isn't so terrible. He's dry, and monotonous, but he does eventually teach what you need to know. If you can't focus enough, then read the textbook for that too." She says.
"Thanks!"Harry says, writing her suggestions down on his parchment.
"Well," Hermione says slowly, taking a deep breath, "if you want I can help you all study and learn this. I read that the true way to understand something is to teach it. If you all don't mind helping me with some of my spells and being gophers, I can meet with you and, yeah."
"That sounds wonderful. What spell would you be using to transfigure us into gophers though? I've never heard of such a spell before, but it sounds quite useful." Luna says.
"Um, wait, I'm not actually turning you into-" Hermione sputters.
"I'll explain it." Harry says. "I think we have a free block, but don't you have a class in a few minutes?"
Hermione shakes her head, "Due to my injury I'm excused from flying class."
"Well then, why don't we get started?" Harry asks.
