314A/N: Holy shit, it's finally the end. I think a while back somebody asked if we'd ever get some Erik POV. Hope I delivered!
Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail, Hiro Mashima does.
"Now, remember, you can take the humanities if you want but if you get into liberal arts then you're no longer my favourite. Got it?" Erik said sternly.
Six-month-old Erika burped, spit up on his sweater, and let out a gurgle that gave a clogged toilet a run for its money. Erik rolled his eyes heavenward, mouthed 'thank you', and then shouted (perhaps a little too gleefully), "Lucy! Your kid upchucked on my sweater! Too bad, eh?"
"Good thing I made an extra!" His wife shouted back. "It's on the ironing table!"
"Good thinking," Erik said loudly. Then, turning to his daughter, he grumbled, "I should've listened to your Uncle Macbeth and married my mass spec instead…"
"Oh. My. God," Sorano cooed, throwing her bags in Erik's general direction and making a grab for Erika. "You are absolutely adorable. Look at you! She's smiling! Oh, if it wasn't for that and the hair I would've bet my entire bank account you weren't that ugly grouch's kid!"
"Gee, thanks, Angel," Erik said sarcastically. "I could say the same thing about Silver right there."
"It's Christmas," Lucy stressed as she took their coats to hang. "Be nice you two."
"I don't think their code has that line," Gray joked.
Erik exhaled through his nose slowly and counted backwards from ten. Of all the days to forget his rubber band...not that that would help, seeing as he could barely brush his fingers together at the moment. He contemplated dropping the bags, just to see Sorano lose her shit while wearing that ridiculous feathery silver gown. As ugly as his family's matching Christmas sweaters were (a terrifyingly accurate replica of The Thing from the year he and Lucy had met), they were still fitting for the season. Sorano's, on the other hand, looked like their brat had gotten his hands on some craft glue and a bag of feathers and there went their $1k+ outfits. Said brat did look rather cute in his poofy feather suit, he had to admit, but then again all kids did right up until they learned to talk.
"Looks like we're right on time!" Yukino exclaimed. Erik twitched. If she was here then-
"Yo! Droopy-eyes! Luce! Hey, Cobra, thanks man!" Natsu cheerfully dropped two duffle bags on top of the pile in his arms and immediately wheeled around to Gray. "You look like a fu-er, you look like you rolled around in swan sheddings."
"You came dressed as a fireplace with stockings on," Gray shot back. "Soot mouth."
"What'd you say?! You little-"
Igneel 'Iggy' Dragneel, the spitting image of his father in both looks and personality at the ripe old age of 10 months, stretched out his chubby arm as far as it would go and yanked his cousin's hair. Silver bit his knuckles, and Iggy, predictably, screamed.
"Oi!" Natsu yelled, "Gray, teach your kid some manners! He bit my kid, if Iggy gets rabies-"
"Rabies?" Sorano snarled. "How dare you-"
"Your kid started it!"
"Guys, please."
"Silver acted in self-defense. I can cite about six different laws right now that-"
"Oh, shut up you devil-swan, this is a lawless zone. Your kid-"
"Guys."
Erik thumped his head against the wall rhythmically, willing himself to get a concussion. What was it Dr Kaur had told him all those years ago at one of his checkups? Once you had one you were more likely to get one again? Maybe at the ripe old age of 34 it'd be easier to get one. Maybe he'd bleed out and die. At least then he could avoid the hell that was the Fullbuster/Dragneel family. God he was starting to regret not picking up Wahl Icht's evening shift.
"Fuck! Erik, she spit up on me!"
On second thought, worth it.
Erik remembered very little of his generic wedding vows, but somewhere in there was a cheesy line about 'protecting you, Lucy, from harm and discomfort blah blah blah for as long as we both shall blah blah blah'. He supposed that extended to steering her away from mediating the next great Erza versus Natsu/Gray, but she had said the exact same vows back to him and since he didn't want to deal with it, her 'get over here and help' look went largely ignored in favour of spearing another pig in a blanket into his mouth.
"So, did you hear about the APOE4-?"
"One, that's neurophysiology, not chemistry. Two, we're not friends," Erik cut Totomaru off. "Stop talking to me. Why are you here."
His fellow chemist raised a brow that disappeared into his two-toned hairline. "Because Lucy is friends with Juvia and I?"
"Unfortunate, but I meant next to me. Talking. And breathing."
"Annoying you is fun."
The toxicologist privately vowed to get some itching powder to slip down the cow's reindeer sweater. He scanned the room idly, looking for somebody to use as a shield against The People. Juvia, Cana, and Wendy took up the whole three-seater, a bag of pretzels split between them. Mest and Sorano were busy dissecting the legal inaccuracies of whatever police procedural's Christmas special was playing (judging by the colour tone, it was one of the Law and Order's), a gaggle of children on foam puzzle piece mats to their immediate left; they were engrossed by the puppet show Richard, Sawyer, and Yukino had put together using the contents of his sock drawer. Macbeth was asleep (of course) behind the recliner, Sting and Mira were waging war against the turkey stuffing with Rogue as supervisor, and Mard was marking papers next to the present pile; the look on Plue's face said the good professor's students were about to get an email with the subject line 'my friend's dog ate your homework'.
To make an incredibly long story short, his head was hurting too much to deal with everyone present for longer than five minutes and he needed an excuse to go take a nap.
Spotting one in the form of an infant sucking on her fist, Erik declared, "I'm gonna change Erika's diaper."
"Oh, shit, good reminder." Totomaru swallowed the last of his bell pepper slice and brushed his fingers on his pants. "Mind if I-?"
"Fuck off."
"I hate people," Erik declared. Erika stared at him, wide-eyed and bushy tailed. Her diaper was dry but the excuse bought him maybe fifteen, twenty minutes of radio silence before somebody came up to use their changing table. He made a mental note to leave a sticky note on there to remind people to wipe down after.
"Amendment. I hate most people. The ones down there are okay most of the time. Except your Uncle Totomaru, he's a fucking prick." Erik poked his daughter (that still felt so weird to say) on the nose. "No swearing until you're 14. 10 if your mom isn't nearby."
"Stop corrupting her," Lucy said, flopping down next to him. He hadn't noticed her slip into the room, an unfortunate side-effect of the over-oiled hinges.
"Shouldn't you be downstairs keeping them from burning the house down?" Erik asked. He tucked his hand under his head, flexing his bicep. Lucy scooted up a little so she could rest her head on the makeshift pillow and sighed. "Natsu spilled his drink onto Mard's papers. He lost his shit in a very...Mard-esque way."
"They dead?"
"Jellal is talking Mard down and Wendy assured me they're just gonna have a nasty headache when they wake up," his wife (that was also weird to say - not to say he didn't like saying it, because goddamn if it didn't send a little flutter through his stomach every time) murmured. "I figured I'd take a power nap."
"Good call."
"Bwaa," Erika cooed. She dropped her head back onto his chest and flailed her little legs, beating out some unknown tune against his stomach. Lucy's hand joined her feet. He scoffed inwardly. What was he, a drum-set?
Ah, what the hell. He lifted his free hand and joined in, steadfastly ignoring Lucy's giggles.
It was at times like these Erik wondered what would have happened if he hadn't decided to string up lights on his balcony seven years ago. Would he have met Lucy? Spent over a month falling in love with her? Gotten married, had Erika? 27-year-old Erik would have balked at the very notion of having a baby. The famed Cobra with a child. His professors and foster parents would be throwing fits. As far as anyone was concerned, he was married to his work and nothing could peel him away from it. Except his own ego, which drove him to string up those stupid lights (which now hung on the tree downstairs) because Macbeth dared him to.
He owed the man a drink, provided his narcoleptic ass ever woke up.
Something crashed downstairs, pulling him out of his reverie. Lucy groaned and ended the beat. "Ten bucks says that's Laxus."
"Fifteen says Natsu and Gray woke up and he knocked them out again," he countered.
"Should I go check?"
"Nah, we got three minutes before someone comes up to bother us. Plenty of time to nap."
"There's a packet of gummy worms hidden in here somewhere. Rock solid, but…"
"I love you," Erik said sincerely.
"Awww, say that again so I can record it and play it back in the doctor's lounge for everyone to hear."
"Go strawberry yourself."
A/N: It's finally done. theevilisdefeated . png.
I'm not very good at sappy, emotional things, so this is as good as it's gonna get. Thanks for sticking around for three years to see this stupid thing come to a close even though I said it would be done two years ago. Thanks for every review, favourite, and follow. Y'all the real G's.
So, for the last time in this fic:
But that mf review button!
-Eien
