35Monica walked into Joey and Chandler's apartment, a smile fixed firmly on her face. She and Richard just exchanged their first 'I love you's', and she couldn't be happier. But, when Ross and Rachel got the last condom it was short lived. So she decided to see if Chandler, had any. She looked around the apartment and he wasn't home. She called out for him, but nothing, there was nothing. She sighed and walked over to the kitchen counter where five notes rested on the counter. Each of them had one of her friend's names on them, all of them except Chandler's.
Monica picked up the note with her name on it, and read what was on the page.
Monica,
It is a common misconception that depression is not a sickness. It's just something that you have to get over. That is like telling someone; "It's just cancer, get over it." And believe me I have tried, and it's too much. I can't go back I am already dead. I am dead even though I am breathing.
I was always the one who got hurt. And no one cared. They just acted as if since I was always hurt that I got used to it, or that it never hurt. But I was still human and it still hurt. It made me feel unappreciated, and maybe I was. Maybe nobody gave a damn because they had other people who were more important to them. I was the odd one that was always left out. It doesn't matter how many times you guys tell me that you need me, I won't believe it.
It's not like I didn't put myself in pain as well. I would fall in love with people I could never have. Including you, Mon. I really did love you. More than anyone. And it stung that you didn't love me back. I thought I would get over you. But you kept going on dates with these fantastic men and I felt so cheap. I knew that you would never feel the same way. I was hoping that maybe one day you would learn to love me, but then you went out with Richard and all of my hopes and dreams came crumbling down.
I loved you…
It was a suicide note. He wrote it to say goodbye. Chandler… Her Chandler was going to commit suicide. She didn't understand why he didn't come talk to her. She thought he knew he could tell her anything.
"I have to find him." Monica whispered.
Monica grabbed Phoebe and Joey's notes just in case they were at the coffee house. She knew it might not be the best place to start but she had to give it a try. She bolted down the stairs of her apartment building, all thoughts of Richard at the back of her mind. Tears we flowing down her face she couldn't let him do this.
As she entered the coffee house she almost knocked over a waitress but she quickly brushed it off.
"Monica what's wrong?" Phoebe asked noticing her friend's distress. Monica didn't have time to explain so instead she just pulled out Phoebe's note and handed it to her.
Phoebe read the note very carefully:
Phoebe,
I really don't know what to say but I'm sorry. You don't have to live with me for much longer I promise. I wish I was a better friend to you. But I wasn't.
I am sorry it has to end this way, it just got to be too much. But remember I will still be there when you have to break up with someone.
Chandler
"Wait what does it say?" Joey asks.
"Joey-"Phoebe starts but Monica cuts her off.
"Here Joe." Monica hands him his note.
Joey,
You know I love you Joe. But I just can't keep living like this. It hurts too much. I don't want to ruin your life. Please don't be sad over me. I leave you with everything I own, maybe you can sell it and get some money. I'm sorry…
Chandler.
"I don't get it." Joey says.
Monica let out a frustrated breath. "Look I don't have time I have to go find Chandler." Monica said before she ran out of the coffee house. Monica started to walk away from the coffee house but stopped when she heard her name being called from behind her. She turned around quickly to see Phoebe and Joey running up behind her.
"Monica! We're coming with you; we have to find him together." Phoebe said.
"Ok," Monica agrees, but soon continues, "but we have to split up. I will check my building. Phoebe go check the Empire state building. Joey... you go with Phoebe."
"Got it and if you do find him," Phoebe started.
"Then I will talk to him." Monica said.
"What if we don't find him?" Joey asks.
"Look!" Monica suddenly shouts. "We don't have time, let's get moving!" She shouts and begins to run towards her apartment building. She almost knocked over three pedestrians while her haste, but she didn't have a care in the world. All she cared about was finding her best friend.
She reached her building and ran in after one of her neighbors. Where would I go if I wanted to kill myself? She asked herself.
"The roof." She whispered quietly. She heard giggling coming from the staircase but again she didn't care. She just bolted up the stairs and bumped right into Rachel.
"Whoa, Mon slow down." She said.
"Look Rach I don't have time I have to find Chandler." Monica said and started to walk away.
"Wait, Mon, do you have to find Chandler so bad?" Ross asks appearing behind Rachel.
"I just do, now please may I go?" Monica asked in annoyed tone. When she got no reply she started to run up the stairs again.
"Ross follow me." Rachel grabbed Ross' hand and began to follow Monica.
Monica burst open the roof door and quickly walked outside. She gasped when she saw Chandler sitting on the ledge; ready to jump. He looked over his shoulder slightly but soon looked back on his gaze over the city. Monica approached with caution, as her hand rested on her chest.
"Chandler," she whispered.
As she walked up to him she got a glimpse of his face. He was crying, silently. He looked so broken; this broke her heart.
"Chandler, what are you doing?" Monica asked him quietly.
"Doing what I have to do." He whispered.
"What do you have to do?" Ross asked from behind them.
Monica ignored Ross and Rachel behind her and kept her focus on Chandler.
"Honey, please." Monica begged.
Chandler let out a sharp breath into the crisp New York night. "No," He said quietly. "I have to do this." Suddenly Chandler closed his eyes and slowly began to slip off the edge.
"Chandler, no!" Monica screamed and quickly wrapped her arms around his waist before he could fall.
She gripped his waist firmly and pulled him back over the edge where her, Ross and Rachel were already in tears.
By this point Chandler's sobs have turned into agonizing wails. It broke his friend's hearts. He was curled up into a ball as Monica held onto him tightly. She'd lowered him to floor as he as he whispered the same sentence over and over again.
"I want to die."
There was nothing that Monica could do about it except rub his back soothingly as she whispered positive thoughts into his ear.
"It's gonna be ok, sweetie, it's gonna be ok." Monica whispered as she rocked him back and forth.
Ross and Rachel stared at the scene going on in front of them, neither knowing what to do or say. They just watched as Chandler broke down and Monica attempting to soothe him.
"Call Phoebe." Monica suddenly demanded. "Call Phoebe and tell her that we found him."
Chandler's body went limp as he drifted off into restless sleep. He collapsed against Monica, all of his weight falling against her.
"Ross, help me get him downstairs." Monica said looking up at her brother. Ross walked over to her with tears running down his face.
"Mon," he whispered kneeling in front of her. "He needs help, professional help."
Tears filled Monica's eyes as realized the trueness of Ross' statement. He would need professional help.
Monica looked back down at Chandler's tear stained face. She hated that he was in so much pain. Hated that she cause part of his pain.
"It'll get better," she whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I promise." The tear that had escaped her eye soon fell from her face and landed on his cheek. "I love you," Monica whispered and placed a kiss on his still damp cheek.
It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It's too close for comfort
(Disturbia, Rhianna)
AN: Well what do you guys think, is it total crap? Should I continue it? Tell me in the reviews.
