4June 19
It's 3 AM and I can't sleep.
Though the room is dark, I can make out your sleeping form beside me. Your hair spilled in a halo on your pillow, your mouth slightly agape and your breathing soft and delicate. Even though the nightmares have racked my body, causing me to toss to and fro, you remain in a peaceful state.
Your chest moves up as you steadily inhale, a small snore escaping your form. As you exhale, your body settles back into the sheets and you're still for another few seconds. The process repeats itself. You have always looked this beautiful when sleeping.
I slide back down in the covers, pulling you close to me. As if on cue, you snuggle up against me and I sigh happily. It's funny to think it wasn't always like this between you and me.
Remember the day we met? I was standing before you, dressed for work and a little dazed. I wasn't expecting to be there that day, and you weren't expecting to meet me. Captain Yeong dissects the scene for us and you later snapped at me for a weak attempt at humor.
Later that evening, we stood on a deck, my hand lingered near yours on the railing. You talked. I responded. The sun dropped slowly beneath the Pacific. The sunset was stunning. You were stunning.
You shift in your sleep. I smile, watching, praying that our son remains in his peaceful slumber so that we can have this moment. You and I, together.
Your body is turned towards me, now. I can see your face in it's natural wonder. You always tell me that you were never fond of how marked your face is. Most don't see it, and for awhile I didn't either. But oh, how I loved the reveal. It was you, purely you.
Another memory comes to mind. We're standing outside of my apartment building. The rain falls, light droplets pressing into our skins. Your voice is shaky; you're nervous. I am confused, angry, and upset. The guilt of the evening's events weigh heavily upon my shoulders.
Then, it happens.
It's sudden and my heart skips a beat. Years of tension, sorrow, excitement and suppression fall upon us almost as gently as the rain. Your arms are around me. Mine are around you. And it's over, all too soon.
I can hear our son down the hall now, his whimpers growing in volume. Soon, you'll be awake. Soon, you'll be away from me. My heart begins to ache at the thought, and as if by some miracle, our son falls silent; conquering his nightmares just like you taught him to. Your bravery continues to awe me.
Another memory: I see you across forest grounds. Your eyes lock onto mine. My heart races as I see you pick up pace in my direction. I follow. Within moments that seem too long, we're in each others arms again. You and I, together. I make a mental note to never let go again.
Once more, reality drags me back into our quiet bedroom. You've changed positions again. Perhaps you're experiencing a nightmare as well, I can't be too sure. You've always been good at keeping a straight face.
The scene before me shifts again. You're lying in a hospital bed years before tonight. The nurses around you are encouraging, but I remain fearful. I've heard many stories about these situations going wrong. The only thing that assures me is our son's welcoming screech and the pain fading from your face. He's beautiful, just like you. A blessing on earth, and he's ours; Blaise Fallon. Well, mostly yours; you did do all the work, after all. I remind myself to take upon the more difficult responsibilities of raising a child, just so you can get a well-deserved break.
I consider moving myself, sliding closer against you to cradle you in my arms. As I do so, I feel you begin to relax. Whatever had been plaguing you just moments before was no longer a threat. You collapse into contention and I do my best to mimic you.
More images flash across my mind. Among our many blissful memories, there are sad ones. I walk into our home after a long day at work. Eager to spend the evening in your embrace, relaxing in any way possible, I enter the kitchen hopeful. Instead, I see you sitting at the table, your face cradled in the palms of your hands and your body shaking. Immediately I think of Blaise, but I can hear him upstairs; talking loudly to himself as he plays with his treasured, toy police cars. I slowly approach, taking a chair beside you. When you notice me, your expression only crumbles further.
Your father died.
We knew it was coming; he had fallen ill months prior. Although he was a strong-willed man, whatever coursed through his body fought harder. Yet it was still hard for you to grasp. You had been on better terms with him the last several years. It was unfair for him to go so soon, and for weeks following his death and funeral, that's what you believe.
But it was on a night like tonight; you had finally managed to fall asleep. I watched you carefully. Not much later, you began thrashing about, darkness overpowering your dreamland. Immediately I pulled you close. Your violent tremors faded into distant shaking. Within moments, you were no longer scared. You were terror-free and the silence fell upon us; just you and I, together. I promised to never abandon you in desperate times such as the one we faced that night.
My eyes grow heavy now. I close my eyes and begin to feel the world around me collapse into nothing. But I still hear you; your distant, soft breathing and your light snores. And as I rest, my mind wanders to the eternities we have before us.
I see us, in the distant future, driving along a road in some countryside. Your hair is grey and mine is receding. Your window is rolled down and you're moving your hand against the wind. My eyes are set on the road, determined to keep you safe, but I can't help but steal glances of you.
We soon pull up to a home where our son, now grown, stands waiting for us. He has his own family now and a beautiful wife. As you step out of the car, our grandchildren run up to tackle you with their love. And though you are tired and not as strong as you used to be, you pick up the smallest child and cradle them as we approach our son and his wife. We never thought we'd see this day.
Another vision: we're much older now. Withered and frail, but you still smile. We're sitting outside, enjoying the spring afternoon. The world around us moves quickly and, though we are too slow to catch up, we still find some way to fully experience it. You talk of old memories and I patiently listen. My mind cannot recall as much as yours, but I still smile. Shakily, you wrap your hand around mine and I lean over to kiss your cheek. This vision is my favorite; just you and I, together.
My eyes open as the door to our bedroom is pushed ajar. Blaise stands in the doorway, a blanket in one hand, and his thumb in his mouth; a habit you've been trying to coax him out of.
"Mommy?" he whispers, his voice shaking. Of course you're the one he calls for first; you're his hero, and mine as well.
You slowly rise, but I remain on my side, watching. "What's wrong, Sweetie?" Your voice is calm and gentle. Blaise approaches our bed and crawls up on it. You outstretch your arms and he retreats into your embrace. You kiss the top of his head and begin to rock him.
"I had a scary dream," he admits softly. You kiss him once more and make room between us. You set Blaise down and slowly sink back under the sheets. Blaise snuggles against you and you do the same. Your eyes lock onto mine and you smile. I mouth, 'I love you' and you return it.
Within moments, both you and our son are asleep once more.
I want us to reach those years; to see you become the grandmother every grandchild needs. I want you to be at my side when we're old and cannot recall most of our memories. Imagining my life without you is near impossible. If Captain Yeong had decided to defend my suspension and prohibit me from working on the Maskmaker case, I wouldn't have any of this. This bed would be empty. My heart would be empty.
It's now four in the morning. I can feel myself begin to give in to my exhaustion. Soon, I will join you and our son, and much too soon, morning will break us apart. But for now, it's just you and I, together.
With all my love,
Mal C. Fallon
I can't believe it's been almost a year since I've posted on the Cause of Death board. I miss it here! ^^
Anyways! I really hope you guys enjoyed this little story! I sure enjoyed writing it! A friend suggested that I make this into a little series and if you guys like it enough, it might happen! ^^ But for now, it's going to remain a one-shot. I am, however, working on quite a few Cause of Death stories! Hopefully they'll make an appearance soon!
Thank you for your support, guys! It really means the world to me! I am happy to consider you all my friends. Have a good week!
Until next time!
