20A/N: I've been meaning to write this for a while and I finally got to it! Anyway, this is a human AU fanfic and Lapidot ship. I will not lie, it is a sad and tragic fic, but I hope that does not deter you from reading!
Apologies ahead of time if some of these medical terms and facts are incorrect. I am a fanfiction writer, not a doctor.
Also, this fanfic goes along with the song Kettering by The Antlers. I highly suggest listening to it on repeat while reading for optimum effect!
Peridot walked through the halls of the hospital with half lidded eyes. She was exhausted after yesterday's work and this morning proved to be just as difficult. Peridot quickly stretched and yawned, trying to ease her aching muscles.
"Morning, Pearl." Peridot mumbled at Pearl who sat at the front desk of the hospital ward. Pearl glanced up at Peridot before her eyes darted back to the papers sitting in a pile in front of her.
"Good Morning, Peridot. I hope you slept well." Pearl said absentmindedly. Peridot couldn't help but scoff.
"As if. I'm still exhausted." Peridot grumbled before being handed a clip board. "What is this?" Peridot took the clipboard in her hands and flipped through the stack of papers.
"The new patient you will be working with from now on." Pearl said scribbling something on a sticky note.
"A new patient?" Peridot's eyes widened in surprise. "What happened to…?" Pearl took off her glasses and looked up at Peridot with solemn eyes. Peridot's face dropped with realization. "Oh…I see…she was very young." Peridot said, tears pricking her eyes. She hardly knew her last patient, but she knew how much Garnet cared for her. "Is Garnet okay?" Peridot asked with hesitation. Pearl sighed and Peridot swore she could hear the pale girl's voice shutter.
"I think you should be getting to your new patient, Peridot." Pearl simply said with her eyes lowered. Peridot nodded with agreement before politely excusing herself.
Peridot made her way down the halls, looking at her clipboard and reading through the information given. Information cluttered the sheets with handwriting from multiple different nurses. She noticed the familiar writing of Amethyst on a page and made a mental note to talk to her later about this new patient. Flipping to the back of the sheets she saw a date printed on the last page and her face paled.
"Lapis Lazuli. Age 17. Diagnosed with osteosarcoma at age 15." Peridot read to herself. She cringed at the information. The patient had no more family left. Her mother and father had died many years ago and many family members were living elsewhere or dead as well. It was all very grim for this girl. Peridot gulped with worry trying to shake the negative thoughts out of her head. She stood in front of the white door that led to her patient's room and Peridot took in a deep breath. She gently knocked on the door and quietly entered.
Peridot's eyes widened when she saw the dark skinned girl, sitting in her bed fidgeting with her bracelet. A large scar was etched on her back down from the base of her neck. Her hair was dyed beautifully blue and her eyes looked saddened. Peridot slowly walked over to the frail girl and greeted her with a smile, hoping to start a conversation among the beeping of the monitors but received nothing. She couldn't help but glance at the excessive amount of IVs and devices that clung to her tiny body.
Peridot looked at the skinny girl before a memory flashed in her mind. She remembered Amethyst talking about her patient one day while they were eating lunch together.
"She is a hurricane thunderclap. Her emotions are so fragile and explosive sometimes, even for me." Peridot remembered Amethyst's words. Was this the patient she was talking about? There was no way it could be her. Peridot looked at the tiny figure sitting in the massive bed; her mind could not comprehend how this could be the same girl Amethyst told her about. She was so frail and looked so sensitive. There was no way.
Peridot checked the monitors surrounding Lapis and quickly jotted down a series of numbers and notes on the clipboard. Everything seemed in order and she seemed perfectly fine except for the negative aura surrounding her, but who could blame a cancer patient for feeling down? Peridot set her clip board down on the small table and placed her hands gently on the sheets.
"You know, studies show that smiling actually helps to make an individual happier." Peridot said giving a soft smile herself. Peridot helped Lapis pull up her sheets noticing that she was shivering from the cold room but was stopped by a freezing hand.
"I hate your tone." Lapis said coldly glaring at Peridot's hands. "It makes me feel so alone." Lapis weakly pushed Peridot away and turned her head. "You should probably be leaving." She finally said almost a whisper. Peridot flinched at the sudden tone of her voice. For a moment, she considered actually leaving. Perhaps Lapis wanted to be alone, but something in her eyes told her otherwise. She looked so trapped. She looked so scared. It was as if the hospital was imprisoning her.
Peridot spent the next few weeks caring for Lapis. Despite the cold words and the harsh snaps, Peridot did not leave. Something about the blue haired girl kept Peridot there beside her.
It was months until Lapis finally warmed up to Peridot enough to actually speak to her about anything other than her medical necessities, much to Peridot's relief. For once, Lapis actually seemed relaxed and content and Peridot herself seemed to forget about the time ticking away.
"That is a really beautiful bracelet." Peridot noted sitting beside Lapis's bed. Peridot had noticed it since the day they met, but she did not say anything until now in fear of upsetting the sensitive girl. Lapis smiled and brought her wrist up to get a better view of the sparkling gems.
"Yeah. They're lapis lazuli gems. It was my mother's." Lapis said with solemn eyes. Peridot placed a hand over Lapis's and squeezed it gently. "That's how she named me. She said my eyes shone as bright as the gems on her wrist." Lapis felt tears roll down her cheek. A gentle hand cupped her cheek and she looked up to see Peridot's green eyes staring into hers as she brushed away her tears. Peridot did not say anything, but Lapis could practically hear her apologizing for bringing up the topic. Lapis smiled gently and leaned in, pressing her forehead against the nurse's before sighing and leaning back in her pillows.
"My mother told me, 'Lapis, one day you can give this to your child and then your child can give it to theirs.'" Lapis continued her story and played with the beads on her wrist before letting out a breath and slipping the bracelet off. Peridot stared at the girl with curiosity as Lapis sat up and took Peridot's warm hands in her own cold ones. She slipped the blue bracelet into her hands and gently closed her fingers over the beads. "I think I'll give this to you." Lapis said with a soft smile. Peridot's eyes widened.
"W-what?" She couldn't help but stammer.
"Peridot. You know as well as I do that I will not live long enough to have children or even get married." Lapis said with a frown. "I want you to have this." Lapis stated with tired eyes. Peridot shook her head with denial.
"No. Lapis. I can't. You-" Peridot slipped the bracelet back on the frail girl's wrist with shaky hands. "You will live a long and happy life. You can't lose hope for that, Lapis." Peridot said staring into Lapis's eyes intensely. "Lapis, you need to believe in that."
Lapis smiled sadly and leaned into Peridot's grip, resting her head on her chest.
"Peridot, if I was to die…would you let me go?" Peridot felt tears prick her eyes at the words. Her arms wrapped around the frail girl and she shook, not from the cold, but from fear. "Peridot. Can you promise me that you will be okay if I die?"
Peridot swallowed and her grip on the girl tightened, as if she was afraid that she was going to slip away. What was she supposed to say? How could she tell if she would be okay? But, she wanted Lapis to feel content with herself. She didn't want Lapis to feel any guilt. Peridot looked at the clock on the wall, ticking away slowly and the date on the clipboard flashed in her mind.
"Y-yeah."
Lapis smiled and closed her eyes. Her heartbeat was steady and the monitors beeped rhythmically.
"Peridot, I love you." Lapis fell asleep in Peridot's arms, breathing normally and content. Peridot pressed her lips together and gently tucked the girl back in her bed, making sure she was comfortable. Peridot placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
"I love you too, Lapis." Peridot finally said before leaving the room which beeped with the sound of Lapis's heart.
Peridot walked through the halls of the hospital with half lidded eyes. She barely got any sleep last night. Her talk with Lapis made her very restless and sleep did not come to her easily. She saw Garnet and Amethyst standing in the halls and walked up to greet them with a weak smile.
"Morning, Garnet. Morning, Amethyst." Peridot mumbled at Garnet and Amethyst. For a moment, it was silent between the three of them and Peridot looked at them with confusion. "So, um, what's up?" She said trying to make small talk.
"Are you okay, Peridot?" Amethyst said sincerely. Peridot looked at her with knitted brows.
"Um, sure? I'm just tired is all?" Peridot said stretching her arms. Amethyst looked at Garnet with worry and the dark skinned woman placed a hand on Peridot's shoulder.
"We…We're really sorry, Peridot." Garnet whispered, her voice wavering. Peridot looked at Garnet, then to Amethyst as if asking for an answer.
"What are you talking…about…" Peridot felt her heart drop with realization and her face paled. She felt sick to her stomach and her knees shook.
"Peridot? Peridot, wait!" Amethyst shouted, but it was too late. Peridot raced down the hallways and ran to the one place she went every day.
"No, no, NO!" Peridot screamed in her head. Tears were already streaming down her face because no matter how many times she denied it to herself, she knew it was true. Peridot froze in her tracks a few feet outside of the door when she saw two other nurses wheel out a bed with a sheet covering it. The bed was not empty. A limp hand hung over the edge of the bed with a blue beaded bracelet.
"Lapis!" Peridot ran after her but was encased by two strong arms.
"Peridot, stop!" Garnet's voice rang, as Peridot struggled in the older woman's arms. Amethyst stood in front of her.
"Peridot, let her go!" Amethyst simply said, tears pricking her eyes as well. Peridot's eyes were wide and she finally stopped struggling. Her arms fell limply at her sides and Garnet gently set the thin nurse down on her feet, giving her space. Silence once again fell on the three.
"Peridot-" Amethyst started.
"Leave me alone." Peridot snapped. Amethyst flinched. "Please, just, leave me alone." Peridot said hugging her own shaking body, afraid she would fall apart right here in the halls. Amethyst took a deep breath and looked up at Garnet who simply nodded before turning and walking the opposite way with Amethyst silently following.
Peridot didn't know how long she stood in the hallway, but when she opened her eyes, the hall was empty. The nurses were gone.
Peridot wiped the tears away from her eyes before walking towards the front desk. She still had work to do and this changed nothing. Peridot's strides were pained and she dragged her feet when suddenly she felt something under her shoes. Peridot stopped and looked at the ground when she noticed the familiar blue beads. She leaned down and gently picked up the bracelet. It must have dropped when they were transporting her.
"I want you to have this." The words rang in Peridot's mind and once again tears threatened to fall. Peridot clenched her teeth and gripped the gems in her hands tightly before walking out of that hospital.
"Lapis, if I was to die…would you forgive me?"
