7AN: Jane's six month absence from Season 4 fascinates me. Another take on those left behind. Jane x Lisbon, Team, Cho Business.
Four days is all it takes Grace.
Not even a week since he's been gone and already she's talking up to her Boss, telling her what to do, what needs to be done; Van Pelt, the voice of authority, somehow. "This is so like him," Van Pelt announces on the fourth morning, after she strolls into Lisbon's office, coffee in hand, and drapes herself in the chair facing Lisbon, as if they do this all the time; as wives and mothers habitually gossiping about their husbands around the table at work must do. She finishes her sip of coffee, looks directly at Lisbon over the rim of her cup. "You should forget about him," she says casually, suggesting she begin hating Jane, as though suggesting a spot for lunch. Her voice is cold.
Lisbon can barely believe it. Their Grace has toughened up at last, it would seem. Lisbon supposes shooting your fiancé in the chest will do that to you. There's been a heavy feeling in her own chest since she watched the elevator doors close in front of his face. She wouldn't mind shooting Jane in the chest herself right now, let him know how it feels. But that wouldn't do. She's not even his fiancé to begin with; Christ, she's not even close, but she doubts even a fiancé would worry for him like she does now. Lisbon shakes Van Pelt's comments off without much ado. Grace hasn't been around as long as the rest of them. She doesn't know Jane so well, isn't as used to him, Lisbon reckons. But maybe she's just making excuses for her. Lisbon knows their Van Pelt has been here plenty long enough to know Jane. Maybe Van Pelt's just fed up with the men in her life letting her down. She's probably right, but it's odd to think of Van Pelt of all people as the unforgiving one, casually giving life advice to the boss she'd once been so wary of as though she knows best, as though Lisbon is incapable of looking after herself. She'd never dreamed Grace could ever treat her so differently to how she did when they first met, all those whiles ago.
A thought occurs to Lisbon late that night: is it that Grace is stronger now, or that she herself is weaker? She feels pretty weak right now, but that's what life will throw at you. Life, or Jane. Either way, she doesn't feel so strong after all.
Four days. How long more will this anguish last?
Four weeks in, he lingers at the door.
"What is it, Rigsby?" she asks, but she already knows.
He slides almost unwillingly through the half-opened door, hoping perhaps that he still might not have to have this conversation with her.
He comes in, looks at her. She becomes aware of the silence.
"Rigs?" she asks.
"Boss.." he trails off before he's even started. She almost feels sorry for him. "It's been a month, Boss. A whole month. How long are you going to let this go on?"
"Let what go on, Rigsby?"
She's daring him to continue, to say what he means and not just drop the hints he reckons he might just get away with.
"Waiting for Jane," he says and she almost flinches. So he can give as good as he gets. She's taught him well.
"Waiting for Jane?" she repeats. "What on earth makes you think I'm 'waiting for Jane'?"
He avoids the question. Probably because the answer is too painfully obvious, she thinks. Her long faces, her lonely nights, ever since he'd left. It would shame him to embarrass her so he plays the coward instead. They both know what the other's doing. Mind games. Their Jane would be proud.
"Can I tell you something?" Rigsby asks instead.
No, Lisbon wants to say. She nods. "'Course," she says.
"Last year, I almost didn't help Jane get you your job back."
She cocks her head in spite of herself. "Really?"
He nods, colours. "Really. I don't know why I'm saying this now. I only said I'd help because Van Pelt and Cho already had. Didn't want to let them down. Didn't care too much about letting Jane down after all he'd done."
"Can I ask w- "
"Not that I didn't want you back, Boss, God no, not that. I - I just wasn't so sure we deserved you." He coughs, voice half hushed. "If I'm being honest? Wasn't so sure that Jane deserved you."
Lisbon shrugs. She understands his point; she'd been the one to admonish them for defending her. But to think he'd been unwilling? He's trying to make her hate Jane so she'll see sense and move on with her life, but he's only making her question his own feeling for her. It hurts.
"I don't know," Rigsby says then. "I suppose he has his ways. He did get you your job back," he says, to fill the quiet.
"I wouldn't have lost it if it wasn't for him," Lisbon finds herself saying, and she sees his face light up a little. She realises he thinks he has gotten her on board. Poor fool.
He looks at her, chin tilted slightly, like he can't believe the words have passed her lips. "Exactly," he says, holding back his smile.
She smiles sweetly at him, let's him think he's won, though still she waits.
Four weeks.
"Boss." He closes the door behind him.
Here it is.
"Yeah?" she says, feigning distraction with the form in front of her, knowing what's ahead. It was only a matter of time, after all. He'd lasted long than she'd thought he would. Four months. She feigns looking up from the form in front of her distractedly, as if the blank printed form is of the utmost importance. But he can see right through her. He always has, just not so infuriatingly as Jane.
"Lisbon."
She squints at the paper in front of her. The letters blur.
"I'm not going to tell you what to do."
She raises her head in shock at his words, done before she can stop herself.
"What?" she says quickly, under her breath, not trusting herself.
Cho shrugs, folds his arms; to protect himself from her emotions, probably, it crosses her mind.
"Do I ever?"
She smiles. Her first smile in weeks, it feels like. She shakes her head. "No."
He nods. "Well, then."
She finds that she's beaming at him, her eyes brimming with tears. She cannot speak.
She watches him turn his head to her door. The blinds are drawn. He turns back to her, steps forward so he's almost touching the far side of her desk. He places one hand on the desk and lets it rest there. This is very unlike him.
"I'm not telling you what to do, Boss, I'm not. There's enough people talking at you already. Just-" he pauses, looks away from her and then back once more. "-know they mean well." Lisbon's smile drops just a little. This is getting more solemn than she'd thought. "They're worried," he goes on. "I'm not; I know you're well fit for anything with or without Jane. Just concerned. Yeah?"
She nods. "Yeah."
"Good," he says, turns to go. "And Lisbon?"
She nods.
"Not so many late nights in the office, okay? I'm getting tired of making sure you actually leave."
She smiles ruefully. She'd had her suspicions.
"Agreed," she says, and she means it.
She'll try – keep trying. Jane's been gone four months now, and with every passing day it becomes less likely she'll ever see him again. She might never do so again and he'll have gone with a whisper. He might crash back into her life, he might not. It remains to be seen. But she's still got a great team here, even if she has been taking it out on them a little lately, and they will keep being great, with or without Jane. As will she. And she will.
