1Wow o wow un pup uwnp re uenp errt eeds fudren.
Cluck cluck cuck loick cluck cockl clock!
Dueel go dorew do gen doe geug en drem.
NO MESSAGES.
ertt dreeet owwn doet onn pne efnt gert druu.
6:00.
Zzzzzzzzz.
Uh.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Clock.
Uuh.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzpoop!
I thought you were going to wake me at 6:30.
I also said women like men who are shaped like potatoes. Can you find the pattern here?
I had the egg dream again.
III.
What do you think an egg dream means?
Probably an omen.
A good omen?
How many omens involve things that come out of a chicken's butt?
There only has to be one.
Pud un bener udnf pett bren forem.
Ahhhhh!
Lopp don.
Hey. That's my bathroom!
Swish swosh swiesh sowehs sowis.
I didn't know you had your own toothbrush, Ratbert.
Why would I need my own toothbrush? Spit aaha!
Beep beepp boop.
Good morning, shower.
Good morning, Dilbert.
Um don't you do enough engineering at work?
Work is just meetings. This is engineering. If this works, someday all showers will be voice activated.
Is it that hard to turn the knobs?
It's not that it's hard; it's unnecessary. 99 please.
99. Beep.
Woh wo don dot dond enr tot doer tont ery doon.
400.
Er nond feur geor feor droe wer.
Ha ha, nice try, but the shower is calibrated to respond to my voice only.
Well, you think of everything.
I'm cautious.
That's why you had training wheels on your bike until you were 17.
I was 14 !
14.
Aaaaaahaahhaaaaha! 99, 99, 99 ! Shh sh! Don't do that!
Where did you get the voice for that thing? It sounds like a computer from that stupid movie. What was it, something, something a space odyssey?
It wasn't something, something a space odyssey. It was 2001 a space oooohahh!
Ro retr oine ret sert erh en erwe.
On the plus side, you look very clean.
Based on the Comic Strip "Dilbert" by SCOTT ADAMS Developed for television by SCOTT ADAMS and LARRY CHARLES
Po epe toer jfj eore thn dmo prot poot fren ther ien sneind oten fjd nfe goer ferw.
Are we sticking with our ban on useless greetings?
Yes.
Yes.
Just checking.
Werb feor netf toef nfef dfef nger gief gner ogdf forer.
Wally.
Yes.
Push the button.
Why? Just because I'm standing near it?
Yes!
I pushed the button yesterday.
Wally, do what Alice says.
Now, why should I ooh!
Bong!
Oohh!
Dop don ther odnr dofne ngoer gjroe forr.
I had the egg dream again last night.
I've often said there's nothing more interesting than hearing about someone's dream.
Eggs. You're not the first engineer to have that dream.
You too?
No, I'm sane.
Old Jack Cooper had that dream, right before he turned into the chicken man.
It's impossible to turn into a chicken.
A chicken, yes, but a chicken man, that can happen.
What happened to Jack Cooper?
He was an engineer, much like you. Until they put him in charge of a project.
The frustration started building up.
He started having the egg dream.
He'd stand up during meetings all agitated and he'd wave his arms around, like a chicken!
What project was he working on?
That's the thing. Nobody could agree on the project name. That's what got him.
What happened?
I think he's with the circus.
Poor clucker.
Ree ter grend turnner reon teri gnero olerl.
Beep beep bop.
Thank you for calling. Please dial your password and press pound.
Beep beep bop beep bop.
You have 937 messages, all of which are marked urgent.
Beep!
First urgent message.
This is Ted. I'm just calling to tell you I sent you some email. Well, that's all.
Uhh.
Beep!
All messages deleted.
Click colck tick boop.
PROCESSING REQUEST PLEASE BE PATIENT…
Jes, the network is slow today. Too slow! Oh no!
Tri tore tifefn elff fdor erio tor oge.
Is it?
Yes.
Nothing but resumes. People are bailing out. There must be a problem with our new flagship project.
Oh, the herbal throat lozenges?
I told them at the rollout meeting that anthrax was a bacteria, not an herb.
No you didn't!
I was thinking it pretty hard.
Oh, some poor marketing executive will have to take the fall for this one!
Bob, you made quite a mess with the herbal lozenges product line.
Don't believe everything you read in all the major news outlets. Try one. Huh, worth a shot.
Bob, you're like a son to me.
You don't have a son.
That's where I'm headed here.
Oh!
Now, this isn't easy for either of us, but I have to ask you to take your huge executive severance package and go find a higher paying job at another company!
This is barbaric! I have given my soul to this company!
SOULS Bob
Boe bote fe re fore nerg rend treiper.
I've heard a rumor!
Ow ow ow!
Sorry sorry!
I heard a rumor! Our lozenges product wiped out a town. I can't believe it! Those lozenges were made of natural ingredients.
We can see the devastation, but how does this make you feel?
My throat is moist, and the raspiness is gone. Ahh, cahehh!
Back to you.
Ohhou thein rhe ote heh hho.
He's always late!
What's he doing that's more important than us?
Huh hm hu hmm hu mhh. Uh oh. Drawer's almost full! I'll need a new desk.
Hey, Alice. Lookie!
Aah!
So, what's life like in your village, Tommy, and tell me everything? I'm not paying for the coal.
Well troops, I assume you've all been informed about the problems with our flagship product.
What? Not me.
Well, there's no point in killing a dead horse.
You mean there's no point in beating a dead horse?
Why would anyone beat a dead horse?
Why would anyone kill a dead horse?
Maybe it would kick you.
It's dead!
And so is every customer who used our flagship product. Now, we have a warehouse filled with lethal lozenges we are currently converting for usage in antimony markets, buttons, coinage, teddy bear eyes. The point is we all must embrace change.
No, that is very bad. We don't like that.
Well, we have to make up for the revenue shortfall and there are only two ways to do that. Create a new product, or make massive painful budget cuts.
Let's make a new product!
That is exactly my plan!
Oh, I like it. Excellent plan!
Phase one, we need a name for the product.
Uh, that's actually the last step. You've got the transparencies out of order.
He doesn't like being corrected.
Now he must do something terrible to you. Something to teach us all a lesson!
Dilbert, I'd like you to take the lead on this project.
Gakk!
Step one, the name.
The name is the last thing you do!
Oh, use some common sense, son. If you don't know something's name, how do you know what to build?
Focus groups.
Market research.
Detailed user specifications.
And the name?
Do you think the guy who invented the mouse pad started with the name? What's a mouse pad?
Heh! Feminine protection for mice. Ooh!
If we don't know what the product is, we'll never agree on its name. We'll have meeting after meeting after meeting. Everyone will want to have input, because input is much easier that doing real work. The only way we'll ever get that many people to agree is look! Look, look!
Oh, that's not a good sign!
I am not the chicken man. I'll get you a name. Anyway, it's better than massive painful budget cuts.
Actually we're doing that too. It's being announced right now.
I got your budget cuts, right here.
We expect some looting.
Maybe you people can just sit here while this happens. But not me!
Fer neroe ntoern of nther onf ther nger.
Ahh! Whoa ah wha wha!
How hard can it be to name our product? That Jack Cooper didn't have what it takes. Bah gah gaah baah woah whoa! That happens to be the best way to stomp out a fire.
Dilbert, help. I've been shot!
I've been shot, I've been shot. I have a few problems of my own, you know.
Yeah, I heard about the name thing. That's a drag!
Thep tehroe htee thed tnef vengf thr spe spee thes spenf doren dopd nt.
Flap falp flap flap flap lfap fapl falp!
I'm ok. Everything's ok. Things could be worse.
Ffkoe foeok ethre gorj fjioe bo toeij ei ietr.
Oh my gaad!
Fioejfp jeokjoej jiepo jp ff p apdkaf kjler eorkj eoh oehjke theo femfk nef.
Why don't you call your project the Vetrilox 9000?
Why would I call it that?
I'm just trying to help. I know it's hard for you to come up with a name, but with your poor verbal skills.
There's nothing wrong with my verbal skills. It only seems that way because my math skills are so high.
There's no reason to get all nuswardic about this.
He's more precarious than nuswardic.
Whatever that means, I am not.
There, there.
I know what you're doing. You're scrabble mind games will not work on me.
It's all very meticulous if you ask me.
Fdjht thereo ojfo jo ih o gho egio jo ejoej ofeofsj fkldsjfs dkl.
Hmm.
Wher dfn feof n ns n vsmnmnwo n neo ienfo nds.
Oh.
Oht heto ieoojso sj hofeo e ff lnvnlwowohe.
I.
Qflk jefo eik jdl kjvojeno ennlx nvowi.
Uh.
Why don't you call your product the Gruntmaster 6000?
What kind of product do you see when you imagine a Gruntmaster 6000?
Well it's a strip down of the Gruntmaster 9000 of course. But it's somewhere upgradable.
Can we just play?
Alright then. Standard scrabble rules apply. No kicking, biting, or slapping; no projectiles of any kind.
Name calling?
Only on your own turn.
Fklwejfo wjfotooew oewh notefwe newro.
It. Give me four big ones, you wrinkled toad! Yes, yes!
It? That's not a word. I challenge.
You challenge It? Give me the dictionary.
Ferwowjkl neuethw oglf.
What kind of stupid dictionary is this? Wibster's?
I think it's the one your company makes.
That would explain it.
Explain It? What's an It?
Quixotic. That's triple word score, plus 50 for using all seven letters, Q and the X, that's….
152 stinking totally lucky points.
Whoo, whooho, yes! In your face, math boy!
Terkl jtheo e nf teh te ho jefjk flkjlksjkljs ljsklj lk klj esioghg esht jf thewo jefj nd.
I am so tired of seeing that dance.
Quizzing. That's 188.
I'm pretty sure scrabble only has one Z.
That's the kind of thinking that allows you to lose 400 games in a row.
Fwlekj wohet oewh f klfl wlkjwjlgwlweeoefefo ef.
Thank you all for coming. Especially all of those who weren't invited and have no reason to be here.
Sure, no big deal. No problem, whatever.
To save time, I've hired a consultant to help us find a name for our next product.
Der tnej enosndfo ewi enf.
He doesn't look like any consultant I've ever seen!
Recommendation. Downsize the loud guy.
I take it back!
Anyone else want a piece of me?
Dfkj peowf jpefpofj letn oe.
As you probably know, all the good product names have been trademarked by companies who are competent.
Competent? How are we going to compete with that?
There's still plenty of names left in the areas of Greek mythology, bodily secretions, diseases, and everything involving intestines.
I like all of those things.
Remember, the first rule of brainstorming is to openly mock the opinions of others.
I thought it was the other way around.
Ha, swift.
Let's start with you accounting guys.
Walter's good at this creative stuff; he just named his baby.
How is Walter junior?
She's fine, thanks for asking.
Well that was a dry hole. Do we have anyone here from marketing?
Mm hm mm hmmhmhm. Lie to me.
Our next upgrade will solve the problem.
Oohh! Mm hmhm.
I like the sound of it, but how do you spell Ohmhom?
Walter has a name for the product.
How about Ford?
Hmm, that seems to be taken by the Ford motor company!
Ah ah hm hm.
Maybe Ford will sell the name. Everyone has a price!
You're not allowed to talk anymore.
How about something from the disease category? They all can't be that bad.
How about seborrhea? I like the sound of it. Seborrhea…seborrhea!
That's not a disease; that's a condition.
It doesn't have to be a disease.
Let's stay focused. Diseases, secretions, Greeks!
How about Sisyphus? The guy who pushed a rock up a hill for eternity? That fits this project.
I like it. It conveys a sense of playfulness.
Fifteen minutes into chapter…
