234Disclaimer: Every one of fiction's greatest super heroes has an . . .
Origin Story
A great pressure in his bladder awoke him to the need to drain it. Still three quarters to five eights asleep, he stumbled towards his bathroom, positioned himself in a way that guaranteed the maximum chance of success, and let fly.
It wasn't the laughter or the screams that brought him fully awake, the small portion of his mind that noted it was silenced by the larger portion that reasonably pointed out the fact that it would be much more difficult to go back to sleep if he opened his eyes. With a final shake, he took a step to the left and reached for his faucet . . . which seemed to be missing.
Saddled by mountains of regret at the necessity, he mustered up every bit of will, opened his eyes, and immediately started to worry that he'd urinated in his closet. His eyes told him that he was floating far above the city over a crowd of people, some of whom were not nearly as dry as they'd been a few minutes prior. The rational part of his brain suggested that he was having a lucid dream and had sleep walked to a closet or convenient bit of wall to create a mess that he'd be required to deal with the second he woke up.
"Come down and give yourself up!" an amplified voice ordered. "Trying to run will only make things more difficult!"
Ignoring the rapidly increasing number of police, he pondered what to do next. Straining to remember what he'd heard about lucid dreaming didn't bring up much, he was already flying so that was out. A smirk bloomed on his face. Focusing on the thought as hard as he could brought no results so he redoubled his efforts. Just when he was about to give up he felt a tap on his shoulder. Holding his breath in anticipation he turned and . . .
"YES!" he screamed in joy, pumping his fist in the air. "It worked."
"What worked?" the busty blonde in an outfit that left nothing to the imagination asked bemused.
"You appeared," he explained. "Now, shall we go find a private spot or would you rather have the crowd?"
"What?" The look of confusion on her face was absolutely adorable.
"Well, I didn't think I was that kinky, but my subconscious did provide a crowd so I figured I'd ask you."
"Just . . . what?" Her nose scrunched up in the most fetching way as she stared at him. "Do . . . do you think you're dreaming?"
"Yup," he agreed, floating around so he could admire her from the back. "Started out as the standard naked in public combined with flying. Realized I was dreaming so I thought really hard about how great it would be to have a hot busty blonde appear and here you are."
"Hate to tell you this, champ, but you're not dreaming."
"You have a cleavage cutout," he pointed out cheerfully.
"Yeah just . . . wait here," she sighed. "I need to go talk to the cops."
"Hurry. I don't know how much longer before wake up and I wanna get as much good in before I wake up since I'm pretty sure I got a mess waiting for me."
IIIIIIIIII
Sergeant Henry Miller had been a police officer since three months after his discharge from the army. It was good work, steady work, and it had become a whole lot easier since they got a few monstrously powerful super heroes to protect the city.
"What do we got, Power Girl?" he asked the heroine.
"Looks like a new meta that just got his powers," she replied.
"So he figured he'd start his crime spree with a charge of public indecency and another for public urination?"
"So he's convinced he'd dreaming," Power Girl replied. Of all the times for Clark to ask for a stand in, not that he didn't deserve a few days off, but this was a bit much. "He says he started out with the naked in public dream combined with the flying dream then, after realizing what was happening, he wished really hard for some companionship."
"Yeah, I can see how hard it would be to convince him that all this is real after you showed up," the police sergeant agreed. "How do you want to handle this?"
"I'm going to see if I can talk him into putting on a pair of pants to start with," she replied. "I don't suppose?"
"Got a pair of orange scrubs in the car for just these sorts of situations," Miller agreed. "You'd be surprised how often they come in handy."
To Powergirl's intense disappointment, neither the trip to the satellite nor meeting with a senior members of the league did anything to shake the man's confidence that he was dreaming. If anything, they reenforced it.
"I went through a teleportation tube thingy and went to a space station with artificial gravity," he said with a smile of mockery. "Right, that sounds reasonably realistic."
"How do you explain your meeting with Batman then?" she tried. "Do you honestly think you could make something like him up?"
"You mean the obvious representation of my id?" He frowned. "Or ego, I can never remember which is which. Wait, wasn't there a third one too?" He waved a hand, dismissing the matter as unimportant. "Anyway, he's a manifestation of my need to be a boring dick as evidenced by the fact that I have him dressed in some sort of leather fetish outfit combined with the fact that he'd a dick who harps about following the rules."
"That's." The blonde pursed her lips. "An accurate description of him, but you're not dreaming."
"He can't figure out my address, public information, despite being 'the world's greatest detective' is another sign from my subconscious that this is all a dream." He gave her another once over. "And since this is a dream . . ." His eyebrow waggle somehow made a creepy situation even worse.
"No. Just, no."
"I think you must be a manifestation of my fear of success," he said thoughtfully. "An unattainable goal that I'll never reach or something stupid like that. Wonder if all my dreams are this detailed and I just forget them when I wake up?" He made a mental note to buy some psychology books after he woke up.
She gave a slow mental count to ten. "The league talked to the district attorney," she began, changing the subject. "They're willing to drop the charges if you agree to do thousand hours of community service with the league."
"Doing what?"
"Using your powers to make a difference in the world," she replied.
"Yeah, I'm going to need a bit more detail than that."
"Fighting crime, helping with disasters, dealing with alien invasions."
"What happens if I say no?"
"You'll probably get ninety days in county, two years of probation, and be added to the sex offender registry."
"Uh huh. I'm going to need to consult a lawyer before I make any decisions."
"Of course."
"Please tell me his name is 'Law Man' or something," he said eagerly.
"I think his name is Saul."
"Okay. He's your lawyer, right?"
"The league's," she agreed.
"How is that not a conflict of interest? I mean, the deal is that I have to work here, right?"
"Oh. Let me make some calls."
"I got a question for you before you do that," he stated.
"Shoot?"
"Who's the most scummy criminal you know of that keeps sliming their way out of jail because they've got a dishonest lawyer that makes a mockery of the legal system?"
"Lex Luthor," she replied immediately.
"I want his lawyer."
"You can't . . ." she sighed in defeat. "Fine, I'll make some calls." She noted with some trepidation the fact that his smirk deepened. "What?"
"I'm standing here in a pair of orange scrubs and you have no issue with the idea of me meeting my attorney or going to court."
"So?"
"So that's definite dream logic there."
"Come with me." Two corridors and an elevator ride later found them standing in front of a nondescript door. "You can wait here while I take care of things. You can order food and personal items from the computer."
"There are replicators here? Like Star Trek?"
"No, they're . . . you know what, yeah, exactly like that. Don't leave."
"Sweet."
To Power Girl's relief, it took less than an hour to get everything arranged. To her disappointment, no one was available and willing to take her new charge to meet his attorney. She was going to have to remember to drive home to Kal just how much he owed her for looking after his city while he was gone.
The heroin took a deep breath before activating the door chime. Seconds later the door slid open to show the most recent bane of her existence. It was immediately evident that something had changed in him in the short time since she'd last seen it. Aside from the obvious differences, the fact that he'd gotten a hair cut and was wearing a suit, there was something in his demeanor. He seemed, for lack of a better term, subdued. There was nothing of his earlier exuberance.
"I have accepted, provisionally, that this is not a dream."
"What caused you to do that?" Were things beginning to look up? She wondered hopefully.
"You guys get every channel here, all of them, including the porn ones." He sighed, looking lost. "I've seen debaucheries so depraved that I can't even imagine. I mean that literally, I'm not that imaginative. I'm far away from home and I'll never be able to go back, I'll never see my friends or family again, I'll never be able to revisit familiar places or see familiar faces. I'm alone, for the first time in my life I'm truly alone."
"I . . ." words failed her as she tried to think up something comforting.
"On the plus side. I found a porn channel that offers debaucheries so depraved I can't even imagine them and a whole new world to explore!" he cheered. "If you need me, I'll be in my bunk."
"You have a meeting with your attorney in twenty minutes. She was intrigued enough by the fact that the league contacted her that she was willing to meet you without an appointment." No, no they were not. Damn it.
"Great! I'll be back in five minutes. You can wait outside the door, unless?"
"No and no. We're going now."
"I liked you better when you were a figment of my imagination."
The law officers of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe were richly furnished with wood paneling and polished brass showing the success they'd enjoyed. He did not have long to wait before the secretary ushered him into the private office of the woman who'd agreed to meet with him.
"One moment," the lawyer commanded, flipping the switch on an odd looking gadget.
"What's that?"
"Something that will prevent your companion from hearing anything we discuss," the woman commented. "I'm Sue Dewey and I have one question for you before we begin."
"What is it?"
"Why me?"
"I asked the lady I was with which lawyer she hated the most because he kept the worst scum in the world out of prison despite how guilty they were."
"She gave you my name," Sue seemed amused. "Alright, I'll agree to a consult and your case if I like what you have to say."
"Just like that?"
"Doing so will likely annoy the league, annoying the league will likely please my biggest client." Her grin deepened. "He's the one your contact at the league was likely talking about."
"Okay."
"You have no idea who I'm talking about," she said, looking a bit surprised. "Why?"
"Why would I? Powergirl mentioned their name but I already forgot it. It's not important, is it?"
"We'll address that if and when it becomes germane to your case. In the mean time, let's take a look at the court documents."
"Take your time, really, take as much as you want. I'm not the one paying the bill."
"Sweeter words have never come from a client's mouth," Sue stated. "In your own words, tell me exactly what happened."
He did.
"Matches what's in the police report," Sue stated. "You've been told about the deal you were offered?"
"One thousand hours of community service with the hero group," he replied. "I had a question about that."
"Ask it."
"How can they legally force me to risk my life fighting dangerous criminals?"
The lawyer smiled. "That's the question isn't it. Wanna hear the answer?"
"I would."
"Short of it is, they can't. They really can't prosecute you for what happened either, you weren't in your right mind for one thing."
"So you can get me off?"
"I could, which leaves the question of weather or not I should. If I did, that would be that. You'd be on the streets with nothing and no one to help you."
"Which would be bad."
"Very," she agreed. "On the other hand, I think I could arrange things so that you get free room and board. If I'm right, we'll get a situation that will benefit you, annoy the league, and amuse my firm's most profitable client."
"Sounds good, how?"
"Your case has been assigned to Judge Anderson, he's a bit too close to the league so I'll motion to recuse and we'll be assigned to Judge Stone if I time things right. Judge Stone is honest and has an encyclopedic knowledge of the law. He's also a bit of a bleeding heart. He won't be happy with what the league and the DA are trying to do and I think I can get him to agree to a few things."
"Like what?"
"Like allowing you an indeterminate amount of time to deal with the trauma of being ripped from your world and gaining powers before you even think of starting community service."
"And while that happens I'll get a free place to stay and food from the league?"
"They've already offered it and I don't think they'll complain too much since it lets them keep an eye on you, which, after all was the whole reason they arranged things the way they did."
"Let's do it."
AN: The idea was to have someone that got great powers and had no desire to be a hero or a villain.
Mistake noted by SlickRCBD, nielingage.
Typos by Mark Schmidt, Jonn
What's in a Name?
"Call me, Hero Protagonist."
"No."
"Biggus Dikkus then."
"Let's go back to Hero Protagonist."
"Thought you'd see it my way."
Unused Scene: The Introduction
"I had a bit too much to drink and urinated on something I wasn't supposed to urinate on," he introduced himself.
"What are your powers?"
"Doesn't matter. Court says I gotta show up here, law says I don't have to do anything dangerous. If you need me, I'll be in my bunk."
Unused Scene: What me? Leave?
"When am I leaving? Let me put it this way, free food, free lodging, your teleporter things that'll get me anywhere in the world, blazing fast internet, and your super computer can decode the encryptions on every cable channel on earth including the porn ones. Be happy I'm willing to wear pants most of the time." Not that he thought they had any room to talk with the odd outfits they wore. The protagonist mulled over the matter. Maybe they'd buy the explanation that underwear and a stained, ripped t-shirt was a superhero outfit?
And when they try to evict him:
"Squatters Rights! Squatters Rights!"
"He somehow reprogramed the computer to prevent us from denying him access," Martian Manhunter stated. "I asked him how he did it and he invited me to consume a large sack of phalluses."
Omake: Florida Man
"How'd your first fight go?"
"Well, first we did shots."
"You did shots with your nemesis?"
"I wasn't supposed to?"
"We'll discus it later, what happened next?"
"Well, it was a surprisingly quick fight. Florida Man smoked a large amount of crack and then attempted to have sex with an alligator. Alligator took care of the rest and I went to this great cuban place the local cops knew about. I think I can be a hero after all."
"You were supposed to save him."
"That would require me to touch him and to have to fight an alligator."
"Yes, it would."
"I take back that part about being able to be a hero after all. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my bunk."
AN: Cause if you're going to write a super hero, you have to have him face the arch villain 'Florida Man.'
The Epilogue of Khan
Note: Omake for 'One Good Man.'
Decades of work, destroyed in an instant. The Federation diplomat felt like she'd sunken into a deep pit of despair. Bad enough that Khan and his band of pirates had finally taken Bajor, stirring up Cardassians and destabilizing an entire sector. That she could have dealt with, wouldn't have even been too difficult. Likely all it would have taken was to agree to a shift in the neutral zone to permit the Union to annex a few undeveloped worlds. Perhaps a decade more and they may have been able to push sanctions on the Bajorans, two more and the Cardassians would have likely been able to retake the world and things would settle.
She sighed heavily at what could have been if not for the maniacs in Starfleet Intelligence. The public had been shocked and outraged to learn the Union had been abducting Federation citizens, Starfleet had been equally outraged to learn how many of their personnel had been in 'enemy hands.' She snorted, no one with any intelligence or knowledge of how the Cardassians operated should have been surprised at the revelation. Their culture could not accept information unless verified by less savory means. So far as she was concerned, if permitting them to take a few dozen citizens or even the odd ship or outpost set their minds at ease and prevented a war, so be it. It was a position that not even the Diplomatic Corps closest supporters in the fleet seemed to agree with. It mystified her, hadn't the knuckle draggers agreed to give up their lives for the Federation? Hypocrites and liars, all of them.
The diplomat was torn from her musings by her office door chiming. Odd, she'd ordered her assistant not to permit anything to disturb her.
"Enter!"
"So sorry to bother you, ma'am," her assistant, a young man from one of the Federation's oldest families began. "But we just received word of something terrible."
Her heart stopped. "War?"
"Thankfully no, ma'am. Charles Sedgewick has been taken into custody by agents of the Office of Professional Responsibility."
She rocked back on her heels. Charles Sedgewick was one of her best. A career diplomat of impeccable pedigree, he had been her chief Consular Officer to the Cardassian Union. One of the few people in the service she could trust with such a delicate posting.
"Whatever for?"
"He's charged with conspiring with the Cardissian Union to have Khan and his pirates dealt with."
She licked suddenly dry lips. "I see." She'd been aware of the plan, of course, none of her people would dared have acted without her nod. But she'd never dreamed their plan to advance the interests of the Federation would be revealed. "Has the arrest gone public?"
"Not yet, ma'am."
"Have public affairs start working on it so we can minimize the damage to the Corps when it does," she ordered.
"Yes, ma'am."
"Tell them to push that we are both saddened and disappointed that one of our own has broken the cardinal rule of the Diplomatic Corps. Stress that our purpose is to work to further Federation policy as decided by the council, not to decide it ourselves."
"Yes, ma'am."
Charles would understand, she thought sadly to herself. His career was already finished, there was nothing she could do to save it. What mattered now was protecting the Diplomatic Corps, the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the one. She'd be sure he got the best lawyers, of course, and would do her best to see that he got an understanding judge. No matter what she might say in public, she would do her best to remember in private that the man was a martyr to the cause of galactic harmony. A bit of luck and she'd be able to bring him back in a few decades after all the unpleasantness had been forgotten.
