I'm not quite sure how I managed to become a part of what must surely be the only fandom in the world to not have a proper Stuck in a Lift AU fanfiction, but there it is. I figured I would have to remedy the situation immediately.

This was all written in one sitting and only given a couple of quick edits, so it will probably not be without its mistakes. On the other hand, it shouldn't be riddled with them either.

Disclaimer: This all belongs to JK Rowling. Only the situation is mine!

Hermione hurried towards the lifts at the far end of the Ministry Atrium. It was a Saturday afternoon and the Atrium was all but deserted, and yet almost all the lifts seemed to be occupied somewhere completely else in the building. In fact, the only lift she could presently enter was being taken by –

'Professor Snape!' she called, increasing her speed even more. 'Would you please hold that lift!'

He turned around and gave her a longsuffering look, but waited for her to reach the lift before entering and pressing the button engraved with a '3'.

'Which floor?' he asked.

'Second,' Hermione replied. After he had pressed the correct button for her, they stood next to each other in a somewhat awkward silence as the lift descended.

Suddenly, the lift came to a screeching halt. Hermione and Professor Snape exchanged a surprised glance; they couldn't have reached third floor already.

'Perhaps someone from sixth or fifth floor wants to enter,' Hermione said. But the lift doors didn't open.

'Oh, you've got to be kidding me,' she muttered, pressing the 'open' button angrily. Nothing happened. 'Great! We're stuck!'

'You cannot be serious,' Professor Snape drawled, glancing around disdainfully.

'Yes, of course I'm serious,' Hermione snapped. 'We're stuck, and I won't be missed. I wasn't even supposed to come to work today; I just thought I'd catch up a bit.'

'Catch up? Are you trying to make me believe that you've fallen behind?'

'Well, I suppose not,' she admitted, blushing a little. 'But I'm not as far ahead as I would like, so I thought I could come here today to do some of next week's work.'

'Of course. Well, lucky for you, I will be missed. I have an appointment with the Head of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad at two o'clock, which is in three minutes, and if I don't show up, he'll be sure to make enquiries.'

'Mr Drummond?'

'Yes. Are you acquainted with him? I've never met the man in my life.'

'I am,' Hermione groaned. 'And I'm quite sure he's the most forgetful man in the entire Ministry, if not the Wizarding World. I hope to Merlin that he had your appointment written down, or he will forget about it.'

'As I am here today to deal with a potion accident the Squad wasn't competent enough to deal with on their own, and as the victim of said potion accident is currently waiting for me in Drummond's office, I will only be forgotten for so long.'

'Oh, well, that's a relief, at least.'

As Professor Snape didn't make a reply, silence fell again, this time feeling even more awkward. Hermione lasted less than five minutes before exclaiming, 'Can't we send a Patronus? Or break through the wards on this thing and get out on our own? We're wizards, for Merlin's sake!'

'The wards on these lifts would take hours to lift – no pun intended, Miss Granger, as I'm sure you're well aware – and I won't send a Patronus.'

'Why not? If it's about Lily, then I already know –'

'It's not about Lily. If you want to send a Patronus, go ahead.'

'I'd . . . rather not.'

'Indeed? If it's changed into that pitiful dog of Weasley's, I promise I won't laugh.'

'Of course it hasn't,' Hermione replied irritably. 'Ron and I broke up two years ago, and I was well and truly over him within a week.'

'But it has changed. Surely you wouldn't mind showing me if it was still an otter.'

'And surely you wouldn't mind showing me if yours was still a doe, Professor.'

'You're quite right.'

Hermione turned to him, somewhat surprised, as she hadn't expected him to reply.

'So it has changed? To what?' she blurted out.

'If I felt like sharing that information with you, I wouldn't object to using my Patronus to get us out of here. I have my reasons, but I can't see what your problem is. Unless, of course, it is a blue whale. We wouldn't want to give poor Drummond a heart attack.'

'Oh, of course it's not a blue whale. Can you imagine me having such an impractical Patronus?'

'I'm sure I could, if I tried my very best. You are, after all, being very impractical, refusing to use your Patronus for no proper reason.'

'Well, aren't you in a lovely mood today, Professor? What happened to the man I talked to at the last Order Christmas party?'

'That man had not been deprived of a quiet afternoon in front of his fireplace with a good book and a glass of firewhiskey, he wasn't stuck in a lift with you, and he wasn't being pestered about the shape of his Patronus.'

'Said the pot to the kettle.'

'Keep in mind, Miss Granger, that I do have a good reason to be secretive. As I'm unable to make a judgement of your reason's validity, I believe I will continue to pester you.'

'Fine,' Hermione said after a moment's consideration. 'I will tell you my reason if you tell me yours.'

He seemed to think about this for a minute or so, before nodding once. 'Very well. But you go first.'

'Deal.' She took a deep breath. 'The reason I don't want to show you my Patronus is that it has changed into an animal that makes it painfully clear with whom I am in love.'

After being silent for a few moments, he replied, 'Then we are being secretive for the same reason.'

'What?' Hermione exclaimed. 'Are you in love?'

'Despite popular belief, Miss Granger, I am a human being. I am as capable of falling in love as anybody else.'

'Yes, of course, I'm sorry. It's just – no, I'm sorry. It's nothing. . . . So who is this woman? Assuming that it is a woman.'

'It is, yes, but I will not tell you who she is.'

'Ah. So she isn't interested in you?'

'I have it on good authority that she's interested in someone, but I'd be very much surprised if I was that person. She's rather young, extremely intelligent, and very pretty. She can and will do better than me.'

Hermione's brain was working quickly. A single woman who was interested in someone, young, extremely intelligent by Snape's standards – and that was no small feat – and very pretty. He's calling her young, and as he's 45 and quite young himself, I'd say she's between 20 and 35. If he's calling her extremely intelligent she has to be at least as intelligent as I am, or he wouldn't. Very pretty, he says. Well, I can probably cut that out of the equation, because you always find the person you're in love with attractive. Hell, I find his nose attractive, which I definitely didn't before I fell in love with him. So, single, 20 to 35, extremely intelligent. And of course I must know who she is, or he wouldn't worry about showing me his Patronus. Ginny? No, she's definitely interested in Harry, no questions there. And while she's certainly smart, she isn't extremely intelligent. Penelope Clearwater, perhaps? No. Ravenclaw, but not that intelligent, and last thing I heard she was still dating Percy. None of the girls my year fit the description, nor the girls the year over or the year under. Think, Hermione. He must have met her at some point outside school, too – he'd never fall in love with a student. From what Minerva's told me, he spends almost all his time at Hogwarts – even breaks – and only leaves on his own volition to attend the Order Christmas parties, and then he spends practically all the time talking to . . . me.

Oh.

Single.

25.

Extremely intelligent.

Me.

'Oh Merlin,' she gasped, mere moments after he had spoken.

'No, her name is certainly not Merlin,' he replied, one eyebrow quirked.

'No, it's just – oh Merlin – I think I'm going to do something incredibly stupid, but . . . Expecto Patronum!'

From her drawn wand burst a large snake, much resembling the one on the Slytherin Crest.

'A snake,' Professor Snape stated tonelessly.

'Yes. A snake. It could easily have been a fox or a raven or something at least a little less obvious and unoriginal, but it's a snake.'

'You're not trying to tell me –'

'Of course I am! I – I fancy you, Professor. I have ever since the Christmas party two years ago.'

For the first time in her life, Hermione saw Professor Snape look completely and utterly flabbergasted. For several seconds, he seemed unable to utter a word.

Finally, he managed to say, 'I believe it is only fair that I show you my Patronus, as you were kind enough to show me yours.' He drew his wand and muttered, 'Expecto Patronum.'

'It's an otter,' Hermione said, hardly knowing what to make of the fact, even though it only confirmed the conclusion she had come to a minute ago.

'Yes.'

'That's my old patronus.'

'Yes.'

'Does that mean what I think it means?'

'Most likely.'

'I – since when?'

'Suffice to say, since before the Christmas party two years ago.'

'Oh.'

'"Oh?" You're usually more eloquent than that, Miss Granger.'

'I just found out that the man I've been fancying for two years fancies me back; this once, you will overlook my using monosyllables. And it's Hermione, Severus.'

'Bossy wench.'

'Hermione.'

'Very well. I am going to kiss you now, Hermione. I trust you have no objections?'

'No, I – none whatsoever.'

Severus smirked as he leaned down and captured her lips with his. The kiss was gentle at first, but Hermione quickly grew impatient and sought to deepen it; Severus readily complied. Before she knew it, she was pressed against a lift wall with her legs wrapped around his waist – thank Merlin she hadn't bothered with proper robes today – and her hands entwined in his hair. His hands were under her muggle blouse, stroking and groping whatever part of her body he could reach.

When Hermione thought she'd might faint from lack of oxygen, he started kissing her neck, biting and sucking and undoubtedly leaving more than one mark.

'Severus – oh Merlin – I've wanted this for . . . so long.'

'Me . . . too.'

'I'm just at work because . . . I didn't have anything else . . . to do. When you've sorted out . . . the potion accident . . . do you want to go . . . to The Leaky Cauldron?'

'Sounds . . . fine.'

The lift suddenly gave a start, causing the two occupants to fall over and end up on the floor. Once they were on their feet again, the lift was descending as if it had never stopped.

'Oh, it's – it's back in order.'

'So it would seem.'

'Well, that's a relief. What do you believe would have been most shocking? Hearing my voice coming out of that snake, or yours coming out of an otter?'

Severus laughed loudly at her words; it was a sound Hermione had thought she would never hear, but that she now vowed she would hear again tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, and every day for the rest of her life. It was absolutely lovely.

A moment later the lift doors opened and allowed them to step out; Severus's features were once again schooled into a mask of indifference.

'Professor Snape!' Drummond exclaimed when he caught sight of them. 'Please forgive me for not getting you out sooner. How long were you stuck in that lift?'

'A quarter's hour, perhaps?' he replied, glancing at Hermione. She checked her wristwatch.

'16 minutes, actually,' she corrected him.

'Miss Granger! What are you doing here? I thought you worked . . . ah . . . one floor down?'

'Not today, Mr Drummond,' Hermione replied with a polite smile. 'I'm here with Severus.'

So . . . yeah. Kinda short, kinda silly, but I wanted to write it. Hope you enjoyed reading. Please leave a review and tell me what you thought about it! Tis the only payment I get, after all.