2A/N: Edited by the one and only Professor-Piggy
Picture this: you're sleeping soundly, dreaming of Bats and birds and kicking butt with them - you know, crime stuff.
And if anyone asked you if there was proud head patting, and kisses from the bird, and… way too many close ups on a girl bat's costume, for… some strange reason, you'd tell them 'W-what? P-psh! No! Shut up!'
Anyway, then a hand's over your mouth and you can't breath, so you wake up and you're face to face with one of said Bats. In particular, the one who showed you up in front of Batman and gave you 'Be faster' when you asked for advice. Got it pictured? Good, because that was Stephanie Brown's saturday night. Now, you might expect her first words to have been something like 'what the hell!?' or incoherent screaming. But she was used to that sort of thing by now, and frankly Batgirl did seem like one of the 'come into your house and wake you up in the middle of the night' types so instead all she'd said was, "Oh." It'd been a relieved one, too. 'Oh, a girl dressed up in a creepy bat costume was the one who woke me up by suffocating me! It all makes sense! I feel much better now!'
Her life was weird. And awesome.
Anyway, Batgirl's first words of the night were "Read this," as she held out a scrap of paper. Not big on pleasantries, Batgirl. But when you're visited by a big bad bat in the middle of the night, you don't question things. Stephanie took the paper, and as she read it her eyes widened.
"Wow... It's a ransom note..." This was a little bit above her unpaid paygrade (her paygrade being 'Walk that grandma down the street, Spoiler. Do anything more dangerous and you're fired.'), but hey, she appreciated the vote of confidence. "Where'd you find this?"
"Read it." Also not big on explanations. Unfortunately for Batgirl, Stephanie was.
"Not until you show me where you got it." Batgirl did, holding out a bag stuffed with money. A lot of money. This was obviously a big deal. "Woo..."
"Read it." Apparently she wasn't big on the sentence variance either.
"Why'd you come to me?" From 'Be faster' to 'Read it'. How far they'd come.
"Read it." Stephanie was starting to wonder if she was set on repeat.
"Why not take this to Batman?"
"Read it." ...Had Stephanie broken her? She was half tempted to wave a hand over her face just to make sure. ...Wait. Was Batgirl too… embarrassed to bring it to Batman? Why else would she bring it to her? But that didn't make sense unless…
"You mean you can't read?"
"Read. It." Oooookaaay. There was the creepy Bat voice. Shutting up now.
"We have your brother Falco." She resisted the urge to make a Star Fox crack. C'mon, lives were at stake! "We want one million dollars or he dies bigtime." Instead of dying smalltime. "We will kill him if you do not follow these intstrucshuns exactly." Intstrucshuns? Was it too much to ask for proper spelling among criminals? "Send money in a Hermes gim bag." Seriously? They couldn't even spell gym? "Send messenger alone. On foot. No guns to." Bad grammar too. Shocker. Well, it seemed like it should be easy for the two of them to take out these chuckleheads. "Hey, can I come along?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Too slow." And now they're back to 'Be faster' mode.
"Read it." And now back to 'Read it' mode so fast she's shocked Batgirl didn't get whiplash!
She could just read it. Or…
"And what if I don't read it?" she asked, grinning. "You'll never know where the drop is." Batgirl looked away, as if considering her point, and Steph grinned wider. Checkmate.
"Fine. Move." She was out through the window without a second word, and Stephanie never changed into her costume faster in her life.
They were riding on Steph's sweet motorcycle when a thought occurred to her. "So, did you nail the bagman for the kidnappee or the kidnappers?"
"Drive." Did Batgirl only speak in commands? It would be nice if someone took her thoughts seriously!
"This is important, Batgirl. Was the money coming, or going? You interrupted the drop, or nailed the pick up guy for the baddies. Bad news for this Falco, either way." Batgirl looked off in the distance, which meant she was either considering her point or doing a Bat monologue. If the first, it was nice to see someone take her contribution seriously. Judging by the silence the rest of the way, though, she was guessing Batgirl didn't know.
They jumped onto the nearest lamppost and surveyed the area. "Here's the drop. "D" street on the GMT. I don't see anyone around." ...Batgirl was obviously impressed with her observation. Good work, Steph. Ride that momentum. This could be bonding time with a girl way out of your league. "...We wear the same kind of masks. What's yours-"
"Quiet." Batgirl tapped her mask, and Steph heard a 'Tek!'
"...Made of?" she whispered out. Masks. Riveting topic, Spoiler. Clearly, Batgirl is going to think you are so interesting. Just… turn your mind away from your social failure, Steph. Focus on… the binoculars Batgirl is using. Obviously that must be what the 'tek' sound was. So cool. Hopefully she can get her own one day too.
"When?"
"The northbound local. Just like the note said. What did you see?"
"Go home." Gee, never heard that before.
"No way."
"Then we wait." ...We. She said we. That kind of made them partners, right? It totally did. At least Batgirl accepted it. Batman or Tim would've just kept on telling her to leave.
They waited. For a while. It was kind of boring, but Steph stayed focused. Batgirl noticed that, right? Finally, something happened. The players were in place, talking, but Stephanie's lame-o mask couldn't pick up what they were saying like Batgirl's cool one.
"What are they saying?" she whispered.
"Quiet." Should've seen that coming. The train started moving, and Batgirl leaped. "Take the train. I'll take the car."
"What car?" Whatever, doesn't matter. Batgirl's trusting her to ride the train. She can't let her down. There's a life at stake. Batgirl's going to need her support at wherever the train and the mysterious car are going. All she had to do was do what Batgirl did. It was probably just as easy and graceful as it looked. She jumped.
...She had misjudged this. "Uh!" She slipped and landed on her butt, bouncing off. That was alright - maybe Batgirl didn't notice. "Oop! Whoap! Ep!" She reached desperately for the train, and thankfully managed to grab onto a railing. Hanging off the side of a train now! At least there was nothing else to worry about, since If she didn't fall off she'd die of embarrassment anyway. That'd be a great eulogy! "Stephanie died as she lived. Stupidly, recklessly, and hilariously."
Dear Diary, I know what my next science paper is going to be called: "My love/hate relationship with gravity."
She took a deep breath, and felt the wind blow through her costume. Like hell she was gonna give Batman that satisfaction. With a grunt, she pulled herself back on the train and lay rhere for a second, looking up at the sky.
"...Huh. Beautiful night tonight." The sky was so big. Always made her feel small. In a good way. It showed her there were things beyond her. Her sucky little life. There was more. And she could go out to it, and change things. ...Okay. Enough getting deep, she had crimes to stop. She got up with a sigh, stretched her arms and legs, and then leaped off the train. Spotting a moving black spot, she swung over to her comrade. And what did Batgirl say? 'Good job,'? 'I'm glad you made it,'?
"Kinsey is here."
Of course not.
"Who?"
They went through a window. "Guess you're one step ahead of me for once, huh?"
"Quiet." Geeze, you try and pay someone a compliment!
"Excuse me, some of us speak in more than two-word sentences." Aaaannnd Batgirl's hand is back on her mouth. Great. ...No Steph, now is not the time to think about licking her hand. You're not three anymore and there's a crime to stop. Now is eavesdropping time.
"Lookin' for your brother, Miguel?" Because people misplaced brothers all the time. Usually they turned up under the couch.
"If you've hurt him…"
"Ha. I wouldn't hurt him for a million dollars."
But would he do it for a Klondike bar? Er, sorry. But there were only so many times she could listen to criminal drama before she started riffing it in her head. Batgirl looked at her like she was reading her mind, and was really confused by the contents. But Batgirl couldn't read minds. Um, could she?
"Fun's over. Time for the cash and carry."
"No payment. Miguel tried to game us." And it wasn't even a good game! Nobody likes Dead or Alive, Miguel!
"A dollar sign instead of a heart. My own brother." Pennies instead of eyes. My own brother. Nickels instead of fingers. My own brother. An ID instead of- oh wait, I'm looking at my wallet.
"Falco?" What a twist!
"Yeah, I kidnapped myself. What's I s'posed to do?" Not kidnap yourself? She was just throwing it out there. "You don't give me a piece of the trade. Keep sayin' I ain't ready. So I bought myself a piece. But you won't even give up my ransom. Now the price doubles. Two million, and mom and dad get one of us back."
"Island Jimmy got killed bringing the money for you. He volunteered to bring it." His brother Mountain Steve will be heartbroken.
"Jimmy? We came up together…"
As riveting as this soap opera was… "If we're gonna do something, it better be now."
Right then, Batgirl threw the bag of money down there. True, there's no better distraction than money. Then they both started clearing house. Batgirl was awesome. Even better than she was at the training room. Steph was just hoping she did alright too. Then Miguel pulled a gun on Falco.
"Down." Batgirl threw a batarang that stopped the gun from firing. How cool is that? Sure, it almost hit Stephanie, but she ducked. Even if she made the incredibly undignified sound of
"Woop!"
Then they took them out. Together. Like a team. It was so rad.
Then it was throwing the guns into the harbor, where no one could get them. "They all had warrants on them." Plunk! "Big surprise, huh?" Splunk!
Cause there's just that extra s when you drop a gun into the water sometimes, you know?
"One more to go." Plunk! Splunk! "All the nasty guys gone. The baddies behind bars."
"The money."
"Yeah. The money. I know an overworked nurse who could use a million. But I know a children's hospital that could use it more. Sigh." Batgirl looked at her for a moment, and call her crazy, but even with the mask on, it kinda looked like… respect? ...Heh. Nah. Had to be wishful thinking. They started to walk off. "So, how about a trade, BG?" She can call her BG now. They're tight.
"Trade?"
"You teach me that trick with the batarang and I teach you how to read." There was a moment of silence which Steph took as Batgirl graciously ignoring her. Then she shrugged.
"Sure."
Steph looked at her in shock, then grinned. "Miss Batgirl, I do believe this is the start of a beautiful friendship…" Cliche? Yeah. But in hindsight, it was pretty dang true, too.
