231Chapter 16
History Repeating
It was as if the lyrics were written about Fiona. She sang along with Prince, "How can you just leave me standing, alone in a world that's so cold…a world that's so cold."
She could see Pearl in her mind's eye. Before she could get lost in the miasma of hurt surrounding her former friend, Fiona pressed the accelerator.
"Maybe I'm just too demanding. Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold," she crooned, bobbing her head and gyrating her shoulders. That lyric made her smile.
"Maybe I'm must like my mother…she's never satisfied…she's never satisfied. Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like when doves cry," she sang, passionately.
As the music and lyrics melded together, Fiona was transported back to the night her mother tricked her siblings into thinking they were going on a camping trip. She had known the truth. Fear and anger had shaken her until she phoned her dad and he came home. What if her parents had split up? She tried to imagine it even though her mom and dad seemed happy now. Despite that, she let her thoughts go there, let it transport her to the space and time of what if. Squeezing her eyes shut for a second, as if standing on a cliff afraid to look down, she accelerated the car unconsciously. The scenery was a blur whirring by her on either side. Just above the sounds of Prince's screams, Fiona heard an unfamiliar cacophony of high pitched sounds. When they registered as sirens, Fiona's eyes flipped open and she looked in her rearview mirror. It took another couple of seconds for the reality to sink in. The flashing lights were in pursuit. The police car was coming for her.
"No! No! Noooo!" she screamed, breaking immediately and looking for a safe place to pull off the road.
Maneuvering into the parking lot of a gas station, Fiona had the urge to call her mother. She put the car in park and killed the engine unsure about what to do now, though she was certain both her parents had drilled into her what to do. Fiona reached for her phone but then let it fall back into her purse. Any adult she called would want to know why she was in the car and not in a desk back at school. Her parents were going to find out and kill her. Until then, she was on her own.
Was I speeding? she asked herself. Her suspicions leaned toward the affirmative.
Since she hadn't looked at the speedometer, Fiona couldn't dispute any charge of exceeding the speed limit. She ventured a quick glance in her side mirror. A couple of minutes passed and nothing happened. Her heart burned with fear. She grabbed her phone and called her former boyfriend, Dean, who had gotten pulled over a time or to.
He picked up on the second ring. "Hey, Fiona. I can't believe you called me, but I can't talk right now 'cause I'm right in the middle of Geometry," he said in a stage whisper.
Fiona was flushed with relief when he answered. "Dean, I need your help. Get a bathroom pass and call me back quick," she said, glancing back in the rearview mirror. "Please, Dean!"
"My help? Where are you? Aren't you in class, too? Did you ditch?" he asked.
"No. I am late from lunch and just got pulled over for speeding I think. What do I do now? I can't think straight. My parents are going to freak when they find out," Fiona whispered, half mimicking Dean and half afraid the police might hear.
"Really? Damn, Fiona…and when you should be in school? Get your license and insurance cards. If you get a ticket, maybe I can talk to my cousin. He's a cop and might be able to help you out—" Dean said before he was interrupted.
"Mr. Hamilton, please share your phone call with us. It's obvious that it is vastly more important than what I am teaching so maybe it can shed light on our study of the Pythagorean theorem…" said Mr. Shields.
Had Fiona not been preoccupied with fear she would have rolled her eyes at the sarcasm dripping from Mr. Shields voice. She hated when teachers used sarcasm to humiliate a student.
"I gotta go. Shitty Shields is heading my way," he said, dropping his voice even lower, "You'll be okay. Smile."
Fiona stared at the phone. She jumped at the tap on the window. Looking over, she saw the officer standing at her door. She turned the ignition, powering up the engine to let the window down.
"H-h-hello, officer," she said, planting a big smile on her face, though it felt like a grimace.
"Ma'am, do you know you were going 60 in a 35?" the officer said coldly.
"I-I…um…I'm s-s-sorry," she said, tears welling up in her chest.
"License & proof of insurance, please," he said.
Fiona rummaged through her purse and then the glove box. She handed her license and insurance card to the officer, venturing a tentative glance his way. His aviator shades covered the important parts of his face. All she saw were his dark brown hair and strong jaw line. He perused her license and then her insurance card.
"Miss Fiona Grant, shouldn't you be in school?" he asked, his voice adopting a familiarity that wasn't there before.
"Um…yes, sir…I was on my way there. If I was speeding, it was because I was a little late. I promise I won't do it again," she promised.
"How can I be sure, Miss Grant? Your speeding endangers all the lives on the road including your own," he said.
Fiona looked away and down at her hands gripping her purse. She was already imagining what her parents would say.
Mom: Driving is a tremendous responsibility, Fiona. Had you managed your time better, you wouldn't have been late and speeding back to school. I think it would be better if you didn't leave campus again for lunch.
Dad: Fiona, honey you could have been hurt. I understand losing track of time, but you shouldn't speed. Take your time in the future.
"But I think there is a way we can resolve this problem," he said.
Fiona looked over just as he removed his shades and leaned on the door. Looking into his eyes, she couldn't tell if they were blue or grey but she didn't want to turn away. He looked familiar, but she was confused. Where would she have met him? He looked like he could be her age, but the uniform gave him an air of maturity.
Fiona frowned, her curiosity overcoming her fear. "Do I know you? You look so familiar…"
When he smiled, it reminded her of Dean. Then she remembered the Superbowl party at Dean's cousin's house, his older cousin who was a cop. She'd only met him that one time the day of the party and she hadn't liked him. He'd stared at her the whole time. She'd guessed it was because she was mixed. Her mixed race identity was rarely something she thought about or discussed with others. It was an accepted fact. Fiona's mom was black and her dad white. That day she'd felt more conscious of it at the Superbowl party in a sea of white faces and under the gaze of those same blue-grey eyes. This was Aaron Hamilton and she despised him instantly.
"Are you still dating my cousin?" Aaron said.
Fiona relaxed, her fear turning into irritation and disdain. "What is it to you? Don't want him dating my kind? It is none of your business, but no, we are not. Just give me a ticket so I can get back to school," she said.
He frowned back at her. "I don't know what you mean by that," he said, "but I'll make a deal with you. I won't write you a ticket if you will go out with me."
Fiona let her words slip out before thinking. "You almost fit every police stereotype, racist, corrupt, and a dirty old man."
"Miss Grant, where are you getting your information? How does asking you out make me racist or corrupt? It doesn't especially since you have the option of declining. Since your license says you just turned 18, I am not a dirty old man. In what context is 23 years old...well, 'll be 24 in a couple of weeks...make me a dirty old man?" he said.
Fiona glanced at her car clock. She had 15 minutes before 6th period ended. Despite the power dynamic, she felt totally in control of the situation. "Sure, whatever, I'll go out on a date with you," she said, knowing she had no intention of doing so.
"Great," he said. "I'll call you with the details." He extended the license and the insurance card to her.
"But I didn't give you my phone number," she said.
He slipped back on his shades. "I'll get it," he said.
As he walked away from the car, Fiona felt a little thrill of excitement run through her. Even though she didn't plan on seeing Aaron again, part of her wanted to.
Her phone rang twice before she reached campus. One call was from Pearl and the other was from Dean. She answered neither as she wanted to concentrate on having an uneventful drive back to school.
Fitz hadn't made it easy for her to leave the hotel this morning. He'd tried every trick he could to prevent her from leaving. No matter how delicious it had all been, she'd resisted. Her eagerness to speak with Alex after last night's texts outweighed the desire to spend a day with her husband.
She judged herself harshly, feeling guilty for her desires until she saw Alex sitting at their table at The Alcove. It was amazing how her attraction to him had increased from yesterday. Had it been because she had finally acknowledged her feelings? She could never have imagined desiring anyone but Fitz. It didn't seem possible, but here she was choosing Alex over him, the unknown over the familiar.
Looking at him as she approached the table, their table, she knew that everything was different now. She the urge to turn around and run, to redeem herself from what would surely happen if not today, one day. When he smiled at her, she continued forward.
"Hi beautiful. Your husband is one lucky man. It's all over your face what you all were doing last night," Alex said as Olivia joined him and took a seat.
"Hello, Alex. I could say the same about you, right? Weren't you with Julia last night?" she challenged.
"We were together, but I wasn't with her. She fell asleep watching a movie. I fell asleep thinking about you," Alex said.
Olivia threw back her head and laughed out loud while Alex looked on adoringly.
"What's so funny?" he asked, "You have a beautiful laugh."
This last comment drew more laughter. He took a sip and waited for her to stop.
"I'm sorry, Alex. Sometimes it is difficult to play along when you lay your game on so strong. I promise not to laugh again," she said with a smile.
The server's appearance prevented Alex from replying. She sat back and let him order for her since she usually ordered the same thing each time they dined there.
When the server left, he reached out and covered her hand with his. "Olivia, I know you think I'm being disingenuous when I say what I think about you. I'm not. I mean every word. I'm not just attracted to you on a sexual level. I love talking to you about your work, my work. You make me laugh, challenge me when I share my stance on the issues, and cheer me up when I've made some rookie mistake. This may be a joke to you, but I am serious about everything I've told you," he said.
Oliva could do nothing but stare at him. He sounded sincere. His eyes had no trace of mirth. Was it so out of the realm of possibility that he could have these feelings for her? She was convinced it was akin to a crush because she felt the same for him. It had to be a crush. At this stage, a crush felt good.
She covered his hand with hers. "Alex, we are two people who enjoy each other's company. There is nothing wrong with that. Let's just put it out there. We have a crush on each other. I think we will be okay as long as we realize that is all it is," she said.
Alex gave her at thoughtful look. "If that is what you want to believe, it is okay with me for now, Olivia," he said.
As she assessed his smooth dark skin and dark eyes, everything Fitz was not, she had the urge to kiss him and finally put reality with her mental fantasies.
"Guess who Mayor Franklin just appointed to the budget and appropriations committee?" he asked, bringing her back to reality.
"David Tolstein," she said.
"Yep, even when I told her it was a bad choice," he said.
"Well, Alex, at least when it blows up in her face, she'll know you warned her," Olivia said, "but don't do an 'I told you so' because you don't want to rub salt in the wound.
Alex winked at her. "Yes, ma'am."
"Don't do it, Fitz. The road to bad decisions are always paved with guilt. Telling Olivia would be a bad decision. Our agreement had nothing to do with her and it still doesn't. When you sell the company. It'll be a moot point," said Rowan.
While Olivia was at her secret lunch with Alex. Fitz was at an equally secret but impromptu lunch with Rowan. Since he had made up his mind to talk to Olivia about her father's stake in the company, he called a lunch meeting with his father-in-law while he was still in town.
"How can you say this has nothing to do with Olivia? I wouldn't have given you the shares in the company without her. I was trying to neutralize you before you tried to stop me from marrying her," said Fitz
"Stop acting like you did something shameful, Fitz. You did what you had to do to get the woman you loved. What you did was admirable. It is what convinced me you were the right one for my daughter," Rowan said.
Fitz leveled his gaze on Rowan. "Was it that or the shares that changed your mind because I think it was the shares and not some outdated gesture of chivalry. I shouldn't have tried to buy her from you. From that point on, I took charge and made her do what I wanted. It has not been good for our marriage. I can't keep doing this or I'll lose her. And I can't…I won't lose my wife. So I have to tell her," Fitz said.
Rowan shook his head. "Fitz, I never would have pegged you as weak and whipped, but you are. Do what you need to do. I doubt it will make much difference to my daughter. She is not stupid. She won't bite the hand that feeds her especially now with the big payout coming," he said.
Fitz realized talking to Rowan had been a mistake. He motioned for the server to bring the check.
Fiona was so engrossed in her chemistry homework that she answered the phone without looking at the caller's name flashing across the screen.
"Hello…"
"Thank you for answering my call," said Pearl.
Fiona rolled her eyes and pulled her earbud from her ear.
"Yeah…" Fiona said.
"I didn't see you in 5th period or during lunch. Did you check out today?" Pearl asked.
"Why are you all in my business?" Fiona said. But it felt good to know Pearl noticed.
"It's not my business, I guess. I was just wondering," she said.
"I ate lunch off campus today. I was running late getting back and got pulled over for speeding, Pearl! I almost peed my pants when I saw the lights," Fiona explained.
"Really? Did you get a ticket?" she asked.
"No ticket because it turned out to be Dean's cousin who pulled me over," Fiona explained, "At first I didn't know it was him until he took off his shades. Do you remember when I went with Dean to that Superbowl party?"
"Yeah at his cousin's house…the racist one who kept staring at you. He pulled you over? Oh, what happened?" Pearl said.
"He said he wouldn't give me a ticket if I went out with him. I agreed just so he would let me go, but I know he was joking," Fiona said.
Pearl said, "Joking? Why would he joke that way if he is a real cop?"
"He's related to Dean so anything is possible. Dean is not so bad, though. I think he would be a better friend than boyfriend," Fiona said.
"So you are hanging out with Dean again?" Pearl said curtly.
"Pearl, I have to go. Chemistry is calling my name," Fiona said, "See you tomorrow."
Settling back against her bed, Fiona felt better than she had in days. Was Pearl jealous about Dean? She didn't think so. But it felt good to know she cared enough to ask. Deep down she knew that Pearl would never like her in the same way she liked Kwame. Fiona realized that Pearl did sexual things with her because she felt sorry for her. It was not because she wanted her in the same way. Fiona vowed to never reveal that side of herself again to anyone.
The knock on her bedroom door made her jump. "Fiona! Phone!" Binti screamed.
Fiona jumped up and opened the door. "Who is it?"
"I don't know…some guy. Do you want me to ask?" Binti said, putting the phone to her ear.
Fiona snatched the phone from her sister. "That's all right. I'll take it, Binti," she said before closing the door. She didn't want her nosey little sister eavesdropping.
"Hello…" she said.
"Hello, Fiona, I hope you made it back to school alright," Aaron said.
"Yes, I did, thank you," she said.
"Are you free Friday night for our date?" he asked.
She liked the sound of his voice over the phone. It was deep and smooth without rumbling. He actually wanted to go on a date? Even though she was 18, she knew her parents would not approve.
"Date? You were serious about that?" she asked.
"Yes, I was very serious," he said, "I have your home phone, but I was hoping you'd give me your cell number. It was hard to decipher which one was yours from the system and I didn't want to risk calling your parents cell phones."
"I'm not really into older guys," she said, bluntly, "besides the fact that my parents would freak and isn't getting my number that way against the law?"
"Maybe I can change your mind and your parents' minds," he said, "Just give me one chance. Yes, it is against the law, but I did it for a good cause."
Fiona held the phone. She rolled her eyes and then smiled. In a few short months, she'd be graduating from high school and heading to college, entering a whole new world. The present would then be the past, way behind her.
"Okay, whatever. Friday night on one condition. I'll meet you in Forth Worth at Stockyards at 6. We can decide what to do when we get there," Fiona said.
"I'll take it," he said.
Olivia lifted her face to the hot spray, the hundreds of pressure points invigorating her skin. She replayed her lunch date with Alex, basking in their carefree banter back and forth. It was always so easy to be around him. They'd planned to get together again in two days, but she hoped their paths would cross before then.
"What are you smiling about, honey?" Fitz said, stepping into the shower.
"Nothing. Just enjoying the water," she said, making room for him under the spray.
He slid his hands around her waist and over her abdomen. "I hope you were remembering last night and this morning. We just might have made another Grant or two," he said.
Olivia froze at his words. She remembered taking her birth control each morning, but his words were like a powerful spell reminding her how he usually predicted her pregnancies before she suspected herself. She used to find it endearing and incredibly sexy that he knew her body so well. Now she was just anxious as the possibility of another pregnancy. After Bakari, she had been adamant there would be no more. She calmed down after a mental confirmation that she had not missed a pill. She considered that they might need to start charting her ovulation to ensure they didn't have sex when she was fertile.
"I'm sure that would make your day, baby, but four is enough," she said.
Fitz's only response was to make love to her again.
"Livy, are you asleep?" Fitz asked much later that night. Neither of them had been able to drift off to sleep.
"No," she said, turning around to face him.
"I want to talk to you about something," he said. He reached to turn on the beside light. They both sat up straight against the headboard.
"I've been racking my brain for the right words to tell you this. Every time I've tried, I couldn't bring myself to do it because I couldn't ensure your reaction. But I know now that is the wrong way to approach this. So I'm just going to say it," he said.
Olivia gripped the sheet. She had no idea what he was about to say.
"Before I proposed to you, I asked your father permission of sorts. Since there was such a big difference in our ages, you were still in college, and the short time of our dating, I thought your parents might have a problem with us getting married. I gave them a 5 percent stake in the company...no questions asked. At the time, I rationalized it as a wedding gift, but since I never told you about it, It felt like I was buying their allegiance," he said.
Olivia let the words sink in. She leaned her head back on the headboard and closed her eyes. Her life flashed before her eyes, standing in line to get the job at The Dish, meeting Fitz, their first time making love, finding out she was pregnant, his surprise proposal, moving to Dallas, her pregnancies. It was as if she was spinning in a quicksand whirlpool. When she felt Fitz's hand grasp hers, the spinning stopped.
"Livy, honey, say something, please," he said.
She leaned her head over so she could see him. The tears streamed down her cheeks. "What was it Fitz? Please tell me what was it about me that made you go through so much trouble to have me? And the real question…was I a worthy investment?"
He moved closer and reached for her, pulling her onto his lap. "I know it seems cliché, but I fell in love with you fast and hard. I wanted you so much that I didn't always consider what you wanted. You are not an investment, Livy. You are my wife, the mother of my children—"
"But I'm more than that, Fitz. You've never accepted that. I love being your wife and a mother to our children, but I am not defined by just those roles. I am a professional. I have my work in the community. I'm not mad at you for what you did. It hurts that you kept it from me for all these years. If and when you sell your company, my dad will be a rich man. He and my mom can ride off into the sunset. He finally has the financial stability he's been working so hard for and preaching to me," she said.
"Our company…" he said, "So you aren't angry with me about this? I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you."
Olivia reached up to kiss him and then gave him a hug. "I am not angry, Fitz. Thank you for telling me."
As they drifted off to sleep, Olivia was surprised at her own reaction or lack thereof. Had she known about this a year ago, she would have had a stronger response. Despite her tears, she'd been somewhat indifferent at the news and she couldn't figure out why.
Thanks for reading! Summer is here with more time to update. :0)
(don't hate on this update too much...)
