35So, to express my hate of the rampant clichés present in most halo and mass effect crossovers, I have decided to stick so many clichés in one story, that it becomes insane. Enter my reality. (and I am just going to skip over all of the boring shit in the beginning, unless I get enough requests to write it. I want some feedback for how I should make this even weirder.) Also, the Infinity is not going to fare the same as in other stories.
UNSC Codex (Will be updated):
Arcturus Station:
After the UNSC Infinity was damaged beyond repair at the battle of Shanxi in 2583, Admiral Thomas Lasky saw to it that his former flagship got a proper memorial. To spite the council, the UNSC HIGHCOM had seen to it that the infinity would become the core module of what is now known as Arcturus Station. Towed into place over Mars by one of the then-new Autumn class heavy cruisers, the formerly five kilometer long capital ship was turned into a living monument to the UNSC's multiculturalism and lack of xenophobia, capitalized by the "Quarian" and "Krogan" thirds of the station, with the human and Sangheili third housing the massive refit and repair dock. The station now spans over 50 kilometers in length and boasts a hefty, albeit classified, assortment of defensive systems along with a standard complement of 2000 Spartan V super soldiers, soldiers created as perfect flash clones of the legendary John-117. It is even rumored that the station is partially constructed from the remains of the Mantle's Approach, and some conspiracy theorists have claimed that the forerunner systems may be causing the station's smart AI's to descend into rampancy faster…
Timeline: (will be updated)
2580: The UNSC discovers mass relays, with the now-captured Catherine Halsey remarking that they seem to carry a distinctly precursor design. When questioned by the captain of the research vessel Swift Ascension, she cryptically remarked that Jul' Mdama may have been insane, but after his scouts had come back from one of these constructs, he had declared these relays as off-limits.
2581: Marilyn Suzuki, a decorated officer and perfect student from Grissom Academy, heads the effort to unlock these mysterious relays. As UNSC medical technology continued to advanced, aging had become all but a number, and the decorated Master Chief himself was put in charge of all possible boarding actions resulting from a first contact gone bad. The UNSC science team was quickly able to activate the relay, and they were transported to a garden world which was quickly christened Shanxi. The UNSC quickly colonized the planet, and started to utilize the relay network to discover more planets.
2582: A council fleet led by General Desolas discovers an UNSC scientific fleet attempting to activate a dormant primary relay. After his younger brother heads a frigate wolf pack and, against his explicit orders, opens fire on the human vessels, the humans retreat after losing two vessels. Ignoring the chance for technological salvage and breaking his military protocol, the general pursues the humans through the relay, arrogantly assuming that the vessels were part of a new spacefaring race that was ripe for the taking.
2583: When the Turian invasion force with hundreds of dreadnaughts arrives over the colony of Shanxi, a desperate battle ensues. The two Bitfrost class destroyers defending the colony manage to destroy over 80 Turian dreadnaughts and countless support ships, but are doomed to destruction. The army units on the colony manage to hold off the invaders until the relief fleet, led by the Infinity herself, arrives. The ensuing battle resulted in many casualties for both sides, including the loss of the Infinity, but the UNSC fleet successfully repelled the council invasion.
2584: In an unprecedented show of force, the UNSC sends a fleet composed not just of their own ships, but two neo covenant CAS Class Supercarriers. The council unsuccessfully tries to absorb the UNSC, but trade and travel are made possible between the two powers due to treaties being promptly signed.
2585: When the UNSC prowler Red Horse discovers the Quarians, ONI initially attempts to experiment on boosting Quarian immune systems through controlled exposures of flood super cells, but soon lose control of the flood strains. After Kilo 5 "cleanses" all affected quarian vessels, the unsc officially approaches the Quarian Admirality Board. A treaty is quickly signed on board the Infinity's sister ship, the Horowitz, and the Quarians begin to enjoy the benefits of UNSC medicine. When Quarians gain a strong enough immune system from human medicine to a point where they do not need environmental suits, the Quarian Admirality Board and UEG parliament, run by a Russian ex-ONI agent, unanimously vote to merge, and also gives the Quarian people a third of Arcturus Station.
2595: UNSC xenotologists and representatives from Misriah Armory meet the Clan leader Urdnot Wrex in a secret room in the Citadael, successfully convincing him to take control of Tuchanka in exchange for UNSC terraforming and weapons technology. Wrex soon fulfills his end of the deal, and the Krogan are, within months, able to build NOVA bombs and Stalwart class cruisers. Urdnot Wrex officially agrees to an alliance with the UNSC and gains a third of the space available on Arcturus Station for the Krogan people.
2600: Construction of Arcturus Station begins when the husk of the Infinity is towed into place by an overhauled Autumn Class Heavy Cruiser.
2640: ONI initiates the Spartan V program using the Master Chief's DNA and reverse- engineered forerunner cloning technology.
2640: Arcturus Station is completed.
Modern Day
Arcturus Station
VADM Stanforth
UNSC Military Calendar 2656
50 years. 50 fucking years. That's how long I waited to get ONI to execute Serin and replace her with the ever righteous Admiral Thrawn. Of course, the UNSC had peacefully integrated and absorbed the Quarians, uplifted the Krogan, and even kicked the ass of the council when they sent their invasion fleet to Shanxi with the help of our best friends, the neo covenant, who had also conveniently forgotten about kilo-5.
When it came to vacuum combat, Mass effect cannons couldn't even hope to compete with 600 ton tungsten round hurtling at .60 c, not to mention advanced forerunner shielding tech and the new ultra-MAC cannons they had built into their capital ships.
Who am I kidding? NONE of this shit makes sense. Why would the UNSC, a historically selfish and shortsighted organization, peacefully assimilate an alien race of vagrants and uplift a group of genocidal reptiles? I would never get how the heads of some fanfiction writers were scrambled to that degree, but at least there weren't any obvious stereotypes that affected me yet. (We'll fix that soon) Hell, I don't understand half of the physics of space combat, but I still made Vice Admiral. If I can do that, I have no doubt that even stranger events can occur.
Hell… "Sir"...
"Oh, hello John 118. Why did you feel the need to pop in at FUCKING MIDNIGHT?".
"John 119 is being a whiny bitch again. Can I shoot him with my spartan Laser?".
Sigh… Out of all the damned jobs I could have taken after the invasion of Shanxi, I had to ask for this. Mentoring Spartans had been described as a honor, even an educational experience, but I had never expected this level of immaturity. I could expect it from Michael J. Caboose, but not clones of the damned Master Chief himself.
Damn the Forerunners for their flawed cloning technology. Damn the Librarian for letting humans use Forerunner Technology. Damn ONI for dumping their problems on unsuspecting individuals. Damn the Legend of Korra for only being four seasons long. Damn…
"Uh… sir".
"Get the fuck out of my office. DOUBLE TIME!".
As the Spartan who was supposed to lead all of the other insufferable clones rushed out, I pulled out my own bottle of Bacardi 151. Technically against regulations, but who ever followed those rules? Pouring myself a generous cup of alcohol, I slumped in my chair. Having to lead these clones feels like being raped by a zucchini wielded by Korra. I feel sorry for Amon...
Thank god it'll be over in a few decades…
Wait, Forerunner medical technology means that every member of the UNSC is technically biologically immortal.
Well, shit…
