226It was easy enough to tell that summer was on its way with the heat outside. Raven stared up at the clouds, her headphones on, allowing herself to have a moment of peace. The Hosts were doing business outside today. She could see Tamaki wooing his guests, Kyoya talking pleasantly with his, Takashi and Mitsukuni were stuffed in the same robes, pretending to be one person while they ate noodles, Haruhi was off on her own, watching the others with a small smile. And finally, the twins were playing with a ball not far from her. All of them were in kimonos, something that Raven had refused to partake in because of the heat. She'd even rolled up the sleeves of her blazer, something that drove the girls crazy for some stupid reason.
It had been two weeks since Raven's weird dream. Things between her and Hikaru were basically back to normal. She even managed not to blush every time he touched her, now assured by the fact that nothing could ever happen between them. All the same, she loved it every time she saw him, every time he spoke to her. She realized that with the school year coming to an end... she was going to miss that.
She hadn't spoken to anyone about the fact that she would be returning to America by the end of the semester. It felt like that would just make it more real. Of course, Raven could always talk to her father and Ryoji about staying for another year at Ouran. She was certain both would be fine with it. She felt like she would do that. But that didn't mean she'd be staying for the summer.
Raven closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Would staying be worth it though? The more she was around Hikaru, the more attached she became. Would she be able to continue to be around him? Watch him find a girl... begin to date...
That hurt. Even the idea of it made Raven want to scream. But the thought of being without him... that hurt too.
But which hurt more?
Then of course there was Haruhi. She'd easily become Raven's best friend. Raven didn't get attached to people much, but it seemed Japan was just flooded with people she didn't want to be without. Mitsukuni, Takashi, Kaoru, even Kyoya and Tamaki. She'd miss all of them.
And after all what was there waiting for her back in America? Her parents, her brothers, and sister, she supposed. But there was scars back there too. Memories she'd rather be without. Here felt new. Here felt... home.
But most of all... Hikaru made her feel alive. She watched him now, playing with his brother, laughter setting his amber eyes alight. She realized that even if it were to work between them, would she truly be able to open up to him? Last time she did that, she'd been burned horribly. Would he even like what he saw? Would he be able to face her darkness and still bring a light?
A finger suddenly tapped on her shoulder. Raven blinked and pulled off her headphones and turned to see Kyoya.
"What is it, Lucy?" Raven asked.
Kyoya chuckled. "Always assuming that I'm up to something?"
"Aren't you?" Raven challenged.
Kyoya shrugged. "I figured for once, I would ask before placing a plan into action."
"What?" Raven feigned a gasp. "Kyoya Otori being considerate?! Perish the thought!"
Kyoya offered her a light smile. "If you prefer, I can put the concert into full play right now, assuming your sass was a yes."
"Wait, what?" Raven blinked. "Concert?"
Kyoya nodded. "I think it would be a good way to go out, as most of our guests assume that you are leaving this year."
None of her guests had talked about it to her yet. She also saw the questioning in Kyoya's eyes. He wasn't certain she was returning or not either.
"I see," she said slowly.
"All the proceeds would, of course, go toward Haruhi's debt," Kyoya said. "We will take the songs you choose to play and place Japanese translations of the lyrics up on screens while you play. I can already guarantee you'll sell out the ball room."
Raven considered. If this was her last semester here, she should do her best to help Haruhi pay off this debt of hers. She owed her that much. And it wasn't like it would be the first time she'd sang in front of the girls. She bit her lip.
"Well, I'm surprised I didn't get a flat 'no', so this is promising," Kyoya said with a smile.
"Bullshit, you know how to push my buttons," Raven snapped. She then sighed. "I get to pick the songs?"
"Four total. The final should be your favorite, I think. Give the guests a little more insight to you before you leave." Kyoya searched her eyes with his.
He was looking for a definite answer, both to the concert and to whether or not she was staying in Japan.
"Alright," Raven said, folding her hands behind her head. "I'll do it."
"You will?" Kyoya blinked. Now he seemed genuinely surprised. Perhaps he wasn't expecting her to cave so soon.
"For Haruhi," Raven said with a nod. "And I'm not ending the concert with my favorite song. That's too personal."
"Perhaps for another concert then," Kyoya suggested softly.
"Do you want to directly ask me if I'm staying or keep going with these weird backward statements hoping I give it up at some point?" Raven smirked at him.
Kyoya shrugged. "You are admittedly an excellent addition to our Host Club. I can't deny that I'm curious."
"Lucy, would you miss me?" Raven teased, dropping her arms.
"Miss your constant brooding and smart ass attitude? Hardly." But Kyoya still smiled.
"Well that's sweet of you," Raven elbowed him. Then she sighed and shook her head. "I'm not sure."
"If you're staying?"
"Staying, coming back, I don't know." Raven shrugged. "I'm sure my Dad and Ryoji would let me. I have the grades to get another year paid for here. I just..."
Kyoya looked over her for a moment, then smiled lightly. "Have we truly grown on you so much to doubt returning home?"
"I don't know if I'd call that home," Raven muttered.
"I see, so the issue is on the other side of this," Kyoya said. "Or at least part of it."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Raven asked.
Kyoya chuckled. "Nothing. I'm glad you're willing to do the concert. I'll start making the fliers right away."
"Thanks for asking me before just sticking them up everywhere," Raven said.
"Believe me, it was tempting," Kyoya said. "I knew you'd agree."
Then he turned and left.
Raven watched after him. A goodbye concert. She felt like she could do it. Her issues hadn't been around for a while now. And so long as someone she knew was on stage with her, even just behind the curtain, just somewhere she could see them...
Someone like Haruhi maybe. Or even Hikaru...
"HARUHI DUCK!"
Raven's head snapped around just in time to see Tamaki tackling Haruhi out of the way just before a white ball whizzed by where she was a second before.
"Hikaru! Kaoru!" Tamaki bellowed as he got to his feet, helping Haruhi with him. "What were you thinking?!"
"Hey, it's not our fault, boss!" Kaoru said, folding his arms.
"Yeah, you should have kicked the ball out of the way!" Hikaru said, mirroring his twin's motions.
"Are you kidding me?!" Tamaki shouted.
"What's wrong, boss?" Kaoru asked. "Is kicking a ball too hard for you?"
"Yeah, obviously, you're just a looker, and not an athlete." Hikaru smirked.
Raven smiled a little. It was amusing, seeing them push Tamaki's buttons. She never really realized how much she loved that smirk of his.
Tamaki grew red in the face. "Hardly!" he snapped, grabbing the ball. "I'll show you! Catch!"
He went to the ball and kicked it hard, sending it flying up into the sky. Raven watched as it sailed upwards and through an open window. A scream of pain echoed out toward them.
Raven burst out laughing before she could stop herself. The twins joined her.
*.*.*
The ball had gone into the room in which the newspaper club operated. Interesting enough, because Raven had no idea that Ouran even had a newspaper.
"I'm so sorry, truly," Tamaki said for the seventh time to the leader of the club, Akira Komatsuzawa. He looked no worse for wear, really. The ball probably only jarred him.
"It's fine, really," Akira said with a small sigh, as if he were annoyed. He wore glasses and had middle parted light brown hair nearly reaching his shoulders. "Although... I'm certain there is something you, as the head of the illustrious Host Club, could do in return."
Raven narrowed her eyes. Alright, what exactly was this guy up to? Journalists tended to put their nose in every place they could. And the Host Club wasn't a good place for them to go digging, since there were two girls playing boys in it.
"Anything!" Tamaki said, obviously charmed by Akira's complements.
"You see," Akira sighed. "The newspaper hasn't been doing as well as it should be. My only request is that you allow us to cover the Host Club for the last paper of the term."
"Pfft," Hikaru turned away, Kaoru with him, and began to head out of the room. The other Hosts, save Tamaki, went to follow him.
"Guys, wait!" Tamaki cried.
They ignored him. Haruhi frowned after them. "I don't get it. What's the problem with letting the Host Club be featured?" she called after them.
"Because Ouran's newspaper is a rag, at best," Kyoya said calmly. "Gossip. Dirt."
For a split second, there was rage in Akira's eyes. But then he closed them, and clutched his head. "Oh, our club is doomed," he whimpered.
Tamaki gasped, going to his side. "Of course it's not doomed!" he said.
Raven nearly sighed. Tamaki had a good heart. But it was constantly steering him into trouble.
"We will help you make a fresh start!" Tamaki said. "And ensure your club family is safe an sound! I promise!"
The other Hosts were already gone.
Raven shrugged and turned to follow, Haruhi at her side.
"What do you think, shouldn't we help?" Haruhi asked.
"If that paper is after dirt, then I don't want them snooping around us, if you know what I mean," Raven muttered to her as they headed down the hall.
"I see," Haruhi murmured. "Still though, Tamaki seems set on it."
That he was.
Later that day, when the Hosts were back in Music Room 3, Tamaki was staring at all of them pleadingly for nearly an hour before the room groaned and agreed to help.
"After all, they could cover Raven's concert," Kyoya said, casting her a grin.
"Concert?" Hikaru asked, perking up. "What concert?"
"Her goodbye concert," Kyoya said, looking over at him. "Since term is ending soon."
A sudden look crossed Hikaru's face. "Goodbye?" His eyes met Raven's. "What?"
"Come on, Hikaru, she's got to go back to America," Kaoru said.
"But I thought you were here until graduation!" Hikaru said, going to Raven's side. "You can't leave after just one year!"
Raven blinked at him. "Why not?"
Hikaru looked at the ground. "Well, I mean, you're a Host, right? We need you here."
Raven looked him over. Was he really so eager to keep her around? It should make her feel nice, but part of her remembered how raw she was after Wes. She couldn't allow herself to get like that again. Maybe it was for the better that she go back to America.
"You're leaving, Rave-chan?" Mitsukuni stared at her with wide eyes.
"I wasn't aware," Takashi added.
"Raven, you never mentioned this!" Tamaki cried.
"I thought all of you knew she was only here for a year," Haruhi said.
Raven shrugged. "Besides, the Hosts were fine before I joined anyway."
Hikaru's brow furrowed. "Well the guests are used to you at this point."
"Well they can get used to me being gone," Raven said, folding her arms.
She wasn't sure why she was saying such things. Chances were, she'd be returning next year, if not staying in Japan over the summer. But something in her wanted to see Hikaru's reaction. Wanted to see if he cared enough to protest to her leaving. If he truly didn't want her to go... that might mean something. Raven wasn't sure what she'd do with that. She'd already decided she couldn't be with him. Why was she putting herself through this?
"Well... fine, I suppose," Hikaru said, turning away. "You could have mentioned that you were leaving."
"It should have been obvious," Raven said, glaring at him. "Come on, you expected me to play Host for all my high school life?"
"With your friends, sure," Hikaru snapped.
Raven blinked, surprised by his tone. But it flared something in her. He was getting mad at her? "Did it ever occur to you that I might have a life back in the States?" she barked back.
"Fine, then go back!" Hikaru shouted. "We'll all be fine without you!"
Raven wasn't certain where all this rage was coming from. Was it about Kisuna? Or maybe about how she could never truly be with him? Was it because he was getting mad at her? She wasn't certain, but so many emotions were begging to launch from her, she couldn't contain it.
It all was released in anger.
"Good!" she snarled. "I'll be glad to finally be rid of being pestered day in and day out!"
"You know what?" Hikaru flared. "I don't even want to go to your stupid concert!"
The rest of the Hosts had fallen silent, watching their fight with wide eyes. Kaoru reached for his brother's arm but Hikaru shook him off.
"I guess I was right." Raven glared at him, venom in her eyes. "You'll never change your song."
She then turned and left, her cheeks red and her eyes beginning to burn.
*.*.*
"What was that about?"
Haruhi stood in Raven's bedroom doorway, frowning toward her, a clear look of disapproval in her eyes. Raven was laying on her bed, one leg propped against the other, glaring at the ceiling. Her headphones were on, but one ear was exposed. She had known Haruhi was going to come calling the second she got home.
"Nothing," Raven muttered.
"That was hardly nothing," Haruhi said, her voice stern like a mother's. "Why did you get in that fight with Hikaru? He was obviously upset to see you go."
"Because he's just like any other boy," Raven snapped, refusing to take her gaze from the ceiling. "Even if he's interested in me, which he's not, he's far too concerned with Kisuna-"
"Whoa, wait, what?" Haruhi said. "What makes you think he's with Kisuna?"
"The last time she was at the Host Club, she was talking to him, and she got all flustered, you said. She told me she wanted to see other Hosts." Raven clenched her fists.
"Kisuna hasn't been back to the Host Club since," Haruhi said. "If she and Hikaru were together don't you think they'd be with each other?"
Raven bit her tongue. "Even so, he wouldn't be interested in me. Not the real me."
"What do you mean?" Haruhi stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. She sat on the foot of the bed, looking over Raven with concern. "Why wouldn't he?"
"Haruhi..." Raven closed her eyes, trying to fight back the urge to cry. "Look. About a year ago, I went through some shit, okay? It left me... I'm not like other girls."
"Well that's obvious," Haruhi said with a small chuckle. "But I think that's why Hikaru likes you."
"You don't understand!" Raven sat up abruptly, clenching the comforter under her in her fists. "I was a freak. An outcast. More than other weird girls or... I just..." She shook her head, biting her lip.
She'd never talked to anyone outside a therapist's office about this. Haruhi of all people, surely, wouldn't judge her. But she was still terrified.
A hand fell on her knee, and Raven looked up to see Haruhi staring at her, her eyes full of determination. "You can trust me, Raven."
Raven took in a deep breath, then began.
"Two years ago, I was diagnosed with panic disorder," she said softly. "It's hard to explain. But it's mostly triggered by crowds. The thoughts I would get when surrounded by people... it was nothing good. My mind would come up with fantasies that everyone was going to turn on me at any second. Going to just spontaneously rip out my throat, you know? It triggered my fight or flight, or some shit. Well, I would always chose flight. I can't tell you how many places I've bolted out of. The doctors say it's because I trained myself to never show emotions. It would sort of replace itself with panic and anxiety."
"You trained yourself?" Haruhi frowned slightly.
Raven sighed. "My... my Dad, Haven... he's a great guy. I know it. But he wasn't always. He used to drink. A lot. And my mom was always working, so he was with us kids, and well, that's no way to raise your children."
Her throat began to tighten, and her eyes began to burn. Haruhi seemed to pick up on her growing grief. She reached out and gripped Raven's knee. Raven let out a long breath, and pressed on.
"Every time I cried, he would yell at me," she said. "Like there was something wrong with me. Like I was doing something wrong. So I stopped crying. By the time he got his shit together, the damage was already done. And I always thought it was just so stupid. He never hit me. No one ever hit me- no one ever touched me. But words... they cut so fucking deep, Haruhi. I... I can't explain what kind of pain it made me feel. But because no one ever actually laid a hand on me I didn't feel like I deserved to be so messed up by it. I felt unworthy of the trauma it gave me. I mean, so many people had it so much worse than me- kids that were beat up by their parents. Mine just screamed at me and I couldn't take it. How... how weak am I?"
"You're not weak, Raven." Haruhi's grip on her knee tightened. "Pain is relative. What can take down someone in one shot, others might be able to take a dozen of. And you can't control how much you can take. You were just a kid."
"I mean, a lot of the doctors say I was born with it, technically, but everything in my past kind of... enhanced it, I guess?" Raven shook her head. "It just... I never understood it. It never made sense to me, still doesn't."
"Raven, I'm so sorry," Haruhi said softly.
Raven waved her off. "It's not like it was your fault. I mean... school was rough. They considered home schooling, my parents. But I was determined to be strong. I was determined not to let this crap beat me. So when I could, on the easier days, I would go. No one really came around me. I didn't talk to anyone. I was the girl that would randomly run out of class and the teachers were okay with it. No one tried to bully me because the second they did, the teachers were on them in a heartbeat. Pity, I guess. They hardly ever took their eyes off me. You think it be comforting, but it felt more like just people waiting for me to fall apart.
"But then when I reached middle school, there was Wes." Raven shook her head, rubbing her brow. "Stupid, stupid Wes. He was a looker, you know. Could easily be a Host. Blondie, like Tamaki. He was the first kid at that school to talk to me. The first one to not question my condition, but instead comfort me whenever it happened. He was too good to be true.
"We got together, dated for nearly a year. I started getting better. His support helped. My Dad turned out to be a big help in the end too. I finally was good enough to stay off the meds, and to go to school full time."
Raven turned her gaze out the window.
"That's when Wes broke up with me."
"What? Why?" Haruhi asked.
"He... he told me my novelty had worn off. Now that he was the 'nice guy' he had all he needed to get a decent girlfriend." Raven clenched her fists so tight her fingernails dug into her palms. "Asshole. The entire time he was just using me. He broke it off the last day of middle school. I went home and demanded to be sent somewhere else for high school. Anywhere but in Portland. Anywhere but where I could see his face. So I dyed my hair blue and flew out here the next month."
Haruhi reached out toward her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Well he was a piece of shit for doing that."
Raven blinked. She didn't think she'd ever heard Haruhi curse like that before.
"Listen," Haruhi said softly. "Just because Wes was a jerk doesn't mean Hikaru is."
"Doesn't it?" Raven asked. "Hikaru tells girls what they want to hear every day."
"And you haven't noticed how differently he treats you?" Haruhi asked. "Hikaru doesn't prank and pester his guests like he does you."
"Even if he isn't like Wes, I don't know if that darkness inside me is gone," Raven muttered. "What if the disorder comes back? What then?"
"I don't think it's hardly fair to judge Hikaru on actions he hasn't even had the chance to make," Haruhi said.
Raven stared at her for a long moment. "But can I let myself be exposed like that?" she breathed.
Before she knew it, a warm tear leaked out of her eye, rolling down her cheek and landing on her knuckle.
"I'm sorry," she rasped, reaching up to wipe it away.
But Haruhi caught her hand. "Don't be," she said. "You have every right to cry, Raven."
Raven stared at her. Her lip began to tremble. More tears began to well up in her eyes. "Haruhi," she breathed, her voice cracking. "Oh God, I think I love him."
"I know," Haruhi said as she pulled Raven into her while she began to sob. "I know."
*.*.*
"Hikaru?"
Hikaru glanced over from his desk to see Kaoru entering the room.
"What?" Hikaru muttered, turning his attention back to his doodles. Half the words there were in English. He and Kaoru were getting pretty good at the language.
Not that it mattered now.
"Are you still upset?" Kaoru came in and sat on the desk.
"I just don't get it," Hikaru said. "Why didn't she tell us?"
"Because it was obvious," Kaoru said. "Wasn't it?"
"No!" Hikaru shouted. "I thought she had a full scholarship, all the way through graduation like Haruhi!"
Kaoru sighed at him, and Hikaru shot him a look.
"What?" he demanded.
"Nothing," Kaoru said, shaking his head, then turned his eyes out the window. "You should talk to Raven."
"Why?" Hikaru glared at his hands on the desk.
"Because I know she means a lot to you," Kaoru said. "Do you really want the last few weeks with her to be like this?"
"What's the point?" Hikaru asked. "She's leaving. We'll never see her again."
"So that gives you an excuse to be a jerk to her?" Kaoru asked.
Hikaru met his gaze, surprised by his twin's accusation. "I..."
"Just think about it," Kaoru said, getting off the desk and leaving the room.
Hikaru glared back at the doodles. He'd written Raven's name in Japanese and English side by side, as well as a crude drawing of the black bird she was named for in flight.
*.*.*
The next day, fliers were already all over the school about Raven's concert at the end of the week. Raven was astounded how fast Kyoya worked. She was even given a section of the Music Room that was cut off from the main area to practice. Raven guessed she better figure out which songs to sing.
Haruhi seemed to be paying extra attention to her today. Raven was a little flustered by it, worried others would notice something was wrong. She told herself over and over that her eyes weren't still red from all the crying she had done last night. She didn't think she'd ever cried that much. Haruhi had held her for an hour straight, saying nothing, just being there.
Raven really couldn't ask for a better friend.
It made her decision to leave all the more hard.
She couldn't do it. Couldn't look at Hikaru every day through her high school life and watch him drift farther and farther from her. Watch him date other girls. Watch him fall in love with someone other than her. It hurt too much.
Haruhi would visit her in the States. She'd promised she would, though she wished that Raven would stay. Raven told her she'd go with her Dad every time he came to Japan so she could see her.
But in the end, Haruhi supported her decision.
"It's your life, Raven," Haruhi had said while wiping a stray tear from her face. "If you're happier in the States, then I want you to go."
Now all she had to do was try to make Hikaru understand without telling him she loved him.
She didn't want to leave with him staying mad at her. But she had no idea how to begin patching up the fight they'd had.
As she and Haruhi entered Music Room 3, the Hosts were waiting for them with a surprising guest.
Akira was there with a notebook and pen.
"I thought we weren't being covered until my concert," Raven said.
"Suppose not." Haruhi shrugged.
"Raven! Haruhi!" Tamaki greeted happily. "Ready to play some games?"
"Games?" Raven and Haruhi said at the same time.
"Sure!" Tamaki said happily. "Like kick the can!"
"Kick the can?" Raven perked a brow.
"Come on!" Tamaki ran to their side and grabbed Haruhi's hand. "Now that you're here, we can go! Akira will get great stuff today!"
He pulled Haruhi out of the room, leaving the rest of the Hosts to follow. Raven lagged behind, hoping to avoid Hikaru. The last thing this dirt hunting paper needed was knowing about their fight.
Luckily, it seemed Hikaru was just as intent on avoiding her as she was him. Part of it made her feel a twinge in her gut. Why did she have to lose her temper with him? It wasn't like this was his fault. She was the one too scared to let him in. But it was for the best. She kept telling herself that as she watched him walk with his twin at his side, exchanging a small joke.
"Raven Townsend, is it?"
Raven just about jumped out of her skin. She turned her head to see Akira at her side, examining her from behind his glasses.
"Yeah?" Raven said.
"American, right? How was it you became a Host again?" His eyes gleamed.
"Raven joined to assist Haruhi in paying off his debt to us," Kyoya appeared at her other side, meeting Akira's gaze with one even more fierce. "Quite charitable if you ask me."
"Would you say Tamaki abuses this debt he has over Haruhi's head?" Akira asked.
"No," Raven scoffed. "Tamaki couldn't abuse something if he wanted to."
"I see," Akira wrote something in his notebook. "And how would you say your time in the Host Club has been?"
"Eventful," Raven said, running her fingers along the side of her guitar case. "Or did you want a more incriminating answer?" She shot him a glare.
"Ah, haha, no, of course not," Akira said nervously before speeding up to walk beside Mitsukuni and Takashi.
Kyoya chuckled.
"What?" Raven demanded.
"You can be quite intimidating when you want to be," Kyoya said.
"I don't like people who are just looking to make other people look bad," Raven snarled.
"Yet you are so fond of the twins and their antics." Kyoya smirked.
Raven turned red. "What are you talking about?"
"Come now, Kisuna saw it. So do I."
"What do you mean?" Raven demanded.
Kyoya merely smiled at her. "Later perhaps. Ears are listening."
They stepped outside as he said the words, and he sped up to Tamaki's side. Raven glowered after him. What was that supposed to mean? What did Kisuna have to do with this?
The other Hosts were gathering in the center of the clearing they'd stepped into. A courtyard or something. Raven hadn't been to this part of the school, but she assumed it was near the fountain that Haruhi's backpack had been tossed in their first day with the Hosts.
Tamaki already had a can and placed in the the grass, grinning over at everyone. "So, are we ready to play?"
"No," Raven said, sitting down and popping open her guitar case.
"What?" Tamaki cried. "Why not Raven?"
"I need to practice," Raven replied evenly. "You guys can have music with your game in return, alright?"
Not to mention she didn't want to get any closer to Hikaru right now with that vulture, Akira, watching.
"Oh, fine," Tamaki sighed, frowning at her.
Raven sat crisscross on the ground, propping her guitar on her legs. She paused for moment, positioning her fingers on the neck. Then, slowly, she began to strum. The notes came to her with practiced ease, steady at first, then she picked up pace. The boys were already kicking the can back and forth to one another. Tamaki was laughing like a child.
She didn't actually plan on singing. Not with Akira there, or with her current mood toward Hikaru. But before she knew it, the verses began to fall from her lips.
*.*.*
Hikaru launched the can high into the air toward his brother. He admitted some part of him felt a little silly doing this, but when he saw Kaoru smile as he caught the can on the side of his foot and kick it toward Honey, it lightened his mood.
His ears picked up the sound of Raven's guitar. He'd come to yearn for the sound of the acoustic guitar. But every time he heard one, it sent a spark of pain through his chest. Her words echoed in his heart, over and over.
"You'll never change your song."
Like it mattered. She was leaving after all. Leaving for America and never coming back. She didn't want to stay for Haruhi- let alone the rest of the Hosts. Let alone him. And besides, he didn't like her like that anyway. He had made his choice. He'd chosen Kaoru.
Yet even still. Another part of him remembered Kisuna telling them about that song. About how Raven looked when she thought no one was watching her. About Raven's sadness. He'd tried to get a glimpse of it himself, but he swore she had a sixth sense for when he looked at her. Part of him wanted to help her. He wanted to drown that sadness, to make her smile and laugh.
And Kaoru had been the one to tell him to talk to her. To reconcile. Because Kaoru could always see through him. He knew Hikaru stared at Raven too much- knew he talked about her all too often.
But she didn't want him. She was leaving.
That was when her voice began to sing.
"Maybe I've been a problem,
Maybe I'm the one to blame,
But even when I turn it off,
And blame myself the outcome feels the same."
Hikaru paused, turning to see she was rocking to the beat of the song, her eyes closed. Her voice drifted out like it was a physical thing, twining into his being and gripping his soul. He hadn't stopped his English lessons, so he found he could understand quite a bit of what she was singing.
"I've been thinking maybe I've been part of the cloudy.
Maybe I'm the chance of rain.
And maybe I'm overcast,
And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain."
All the Hosts had stopped now. It was such a rare thing for Raven to sing without someone asking her. And her voice had a captivity to it. It ensnared people. It wasn't just from her natural talent, but there was such raw emotion behind her words. It reminded Hikaru of Tamaki's skills with the piano. It was like it cost her no effort. Like when she was singing, she was revealing who she truly was.
"I've been thinking about everyone,
Everyone you look so lonely...
But when I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars.
When I look at the stars,
I see someone else.
When I look at the stars,
The stars.
I feel like myself."
Even Akira was gaping. Hikaru felt himself take a step toward her. It was impulsive, something he didn't realize he'd done until it was over.
"Stars looking at a planet,
Watching entropy and pain,
And maybe start to wonder how
The chaos in our lives could pass as sane.
I've been thinking if the meaning of resistance,
Of a hope beyond my own,
And suddenly the infinite and penitent,
Begin to look like home."
Hikaru could feel his heartbeat in his ears. He remembered when he'd first met Raven. He'd noticed the odd boy that always wore a cap in class, the large blue headphones around his neck. He didn't pay much attention to him beyond that. Then he'd shown up in Music Room 3. It was the first time he'd heard him speak, and there was such fire in his voice.
That alone peaked Hikaru's interest. Such a outspoken kid- and a common foreigner to boot. Who exactly did he think he was? But Hikaru admired his spunk. He found it even more amusing to tease him. Then he'd taken off his cap and hood, and saw those beautiful turquoise eyes glaring back at him. He'd been stunned into silence. It took a lot to take away Hikaru's voice.
Of course, when he and Haruhi shoved the twins out of the changing room, it'd clicked. He wasn't a he at all.
And oh, did that change things.
"I've been thinking about everyone,
Everyone you look so empty...
But when I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars.
When I look at the stars,
I see someone else.
When I look at the stars,
The stars.
I feel like myself.
I feel like myself..."
Hikaru was so used to girls fawning over him. Of girls wearing dresses and loving being called things like princess and darling. Of girls turning into puddles the moment he embraced his brother suggestively. It was so easy to pluck them like... like the strings of a guitar.
But Raven...
Raven was something entirely new.
Certainly, he could push her buttons. Tease her, get into her personal space, get her to blush sometimes even. But it was different with her. She didn't blush out of longing. She turned red from anger, and she yelled at him while other girls were just at a loss for words.
Raven met his force with a force of her own. With a hurricane.
"Everyone, everyone you look so lonely,
Everyone, yeah everyone you look so empty..."
Her guitar slowed down now, and she sang the next notes slowly, her voice carrying out across the field like silk.
"When I look at the stars...
When I look at the stars...
When I look at the stars
I feel like myself..."
It was then Hikaru realized it. Then, when she let the words linger in the air like fluttering cherry blossoms. When he felt her voice grip his heart. His soul.
"When I look at the stars,
The stars..."
He loved her.
*.*.*
Raven let the last note fall from her guitar and let out a long breath. That song was one of her favorites, always had been. Switchfoot was honestly a close runner up to her favorite band, We Shot the Moon. She posed her hand to start playing something else, but she noticed how oddly quiet it was.
Looking up, she found everyone staring at her.
Raven felt the heat rise in her face.
"What?" she demanded.
"You're voice is very captivating, Raven, it's nothing to get angry about," Kyoya said with a soft smile.
Raven felt the heat reach her ears.
"Well you don't have to gawk," she muttered.
Especially Hikaru. There was something different in his eyes in that moment. Like he'd never seen her properly before then. It made her feel raw and vulnerable. She wanted to scream at him. What was he looking at? He'd heard her sing before- he was the first one of the Hosts besides Haruhi to ever hear her sing. So what was the big deal?
"Those lyrics are very beautiful," Kaoru said, making her tear her gaze from his twin and lock onto him. "You should sing that at the concert, Raven!"
Oh.
Oh right.
Hikaru and Kaoru were still learning English- and evidently, they could understand it well enough for the lyrics to hit home.
Raven knew she'd lost herself in the song, much like how she'd lost herself when she sang A Daydream Away for Kisuna. The words meant too much to her right now. Because it was true...
Maybe she was the problem. Maybe she was the chance of rain. Maybe she was being too hard on Hikaru.
But then his words rang in her ears.
"You know what? I don't even want to go to your stupid concert!"
Pain blossomed in her chest. She refocused on her guitar, refusing to show any sort of weakness to the others.
"Just go back to your stupid games," she snapped, strumming again.
They continued with Kick the Can for another twenty minutes, then played something very similar to Red-Light, Green-Light. Raven didn't sing again, focusing on just playing the guitar bits for the songs she had in mind for the concert. After about an hour, Kyoya came to her side. The others had ran off to play hide and seek, and it seemed Kyoya was going to outsmart them all by not hiding at all.
"While Mister Kotmatsuzawa is busy with his article," he said. "I wanted to ask you if that song was hitting home for you right now, so to speak."
"What do you care, Lucy?" Raven asked dryly as she kept on strumming her guitar.
"I told you that Kisuna saw something in you."
"And are you going to explain yourself or keep dangling it in front of me?"
Kyoya chuckled. "I can tell you now that Kisuna is not interested in the twins. Or either of them in particular."
Raven felt her face flush. "What makes you think I care-?"
"Oh, please, Raven," Kyoya sighed. "Surely you see me as intelligent, if anything? Did you know that Kisuna only started coming to the Host Club when you became a Host? My point is, that Kisuna only had eyes for you."
"What does this have to do with anything?" Raven muttered.
Kyoya snorted. "Isn't it obvious? She only had eyes for you. So, naturally, she watched you a lot. Watched you when you thought no one was looking. Watched you watching someone else."
And then it clicked.
Raven paused mid-strum, heart hammering.
She remembered the last time she saw Kisuna, how she stared at her hands for such a long moment before finally speaking.
"I, uh... Listen, I just wanted you to know that this will probably be our last visit together, in the Host Club, anyway."
Raven remembered her polite smile when she'd asked why. And now that she thought back on it... it seemed like her lips were a little too tight. Like the smile was forced.
"Oh, you know how girls are, myself included, our tastes change. It's nothing against you, Raven. I'll just be visiting the other Hosts from now on."
Kisuna had always been so nice. So kind. Kyoya said she didn't start attending the club until Raven became a Host. She'd never once Host-hopped in all those months. And she hadn't been seen at the club since the last time she spoke with Raven.
She wanted to scream. Had Raven truly been sucked into believing that Hikaru was seeing another girl? Been sucked into such a jealous rage? She always said she wasn't like other girls yet here she was being a petty bitch. She wasn't any better than that girl that threw Haruhi's bag in the fountain when they first became Hosts. And she'd screamed at Hikaru, yelled at him for no good reason.
"You see, I'm quite tired of all the arguing," Kyoya went on, leaning on a nearby tree. "So I just wanted to make sure you knew that when it comes to Hikaru... I've never seen him more attached to anyone besides his twin. Don't let some misunderstanding ruin something special." He smiled. And it wasn't one of his devious smirks of world domination, it wasn't the bland grin he gave their guests. It was actually gentle. Genuine.
"You actually care," Raven said softly. "Who are you and what did you do with Lucy?"
Kyoya laughed a little, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Come now. This is purely business. Much like when the twins pretended to fight, you two acting so awkward with one another is affecting our guests."
"Oh no, uh-uh." Raven smirked wickedly. "You can't fool me. You give a damn about me and the other Hosts. It's almost scary."
"Just try to make up with him before the end of semester, won't you?" Kyoya said as she turned to leave. "After all, when you come back next year..." He glanced back at her, glasses glinting in the sunlight. "I'm expecting to have a new package to offer our guests."
And with that, he was off.
Raven stared after him for a long moment. He was so certain she was coming back now, was he? Regardless of the misunderstanding with Kisuna, Hikaru still had been a jackass. She knew she wanted to make up with him all the same, but she also knew she wasn't going to have another situation like Wes.
But still...
She felt herself hesitating.
*.*.*
"Raven."
Raven had spent the last hour playing her guitar in relative peace. But a few minutes ago, rain had started, so she'd been forced to place her guitar in her case and take shelter under a tree. She didn't mind. The rain reminded her of home, and she loved the scent of it.
Now, nearly all the Hosts were heading her way, umbrellas in hand.
"Took you guys long enough," Raven said. "I was starting to think I was just going to be out here in the rain for the rest of the day. Where's Haruhi and Tamaki?"
"Not certain," Kyoya said with a shrug. "But that's probably for the best. Come. I believe we're going to be in need of that intimidating streak of yours."
Raven blinked, confused. But as they headed back toward the school building, Kyoya explained everything she needed to know.
Everything she needed to start a fire in her center.
She and the others were waiting for Akira and his two club members when they returned to their club room. Akira was mid sentence as he stormed inside.
"...need proof! I told you, all we need is a few creative words, and Suoh is finished! I'll crush him like the rat he is!"
Akira stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the twins before him. Raven had to admit, Hikaru was attractive in a whole new light with the fire of fury in his eyes. He and Kaoru were mirror images, their arms folded and their eyes narrowed.
"I hope you understand that if you threaten Tamaki, there will be consequences," they said in unison, their voices equally thick with the promise of violence.
"What are you doing in here?!" Akira cried. "You can't just-"
"Just what?" Raven said. She was sitting crisscross on his desk. She'd caused several papers to fall to the ground when she gotten up here, and didn't give a single damn. "Just put our noses where they don't belong? How about making up false rumors about someone just because we're consumed by jealousy?"
Akira blanched.
Kyoya appeared from the shadows, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Tamaki may be a hopeless idiot, but even so..."
"We love Tama-chan!" Mitsukuni said cheerfully, stepped forward with Takashi just behind him. "And we all want to be with him!"
"That's right," Takashi agreed.
"So what's it going to be?" Raven asked, folding her hands in front of her and resting her chin on her knuckles, elbows propped on her knees. "Are you going to back off? Or are you going to invoke the wrath of the Host Club and each of their families?"
"Their families?" Akira scoffed. "The others might come from high class, but you? You're just a commoner!"
"Oh, thanks for reminding me!" Raven let a shark-like grin catch her lips. "I guess I'll just have to rely on my fists to do the talking for me."
Akira paled.
"Now, now, Raven, there's hardly the need for violence," Kyoya said.
"You're all going to be ruined!" Akria shouted. "I will crush all of your social standing. You won't be able to recover from this!"
"Ah," Kyoya sighed, picking up a first aide kit he'd left for Akira for the ball hitting him the other day. "Funny you should say that..." He clicked a small compartment from underneath it, revealing a small disc. "What do you think we should do with this disc? It's been recording everything that's been said in this room since I left this kit here. Surely there isn't anything... incriminating on it..."
Akira was shaking. Slowly, he dropped to his knees. His two companions sighed, one gripped his shoulder.
"Just give up, president," he said.
"Wise one you've got there," Raven said.
"Fine. You win," Akira grumbled. "Just... get out of my office."
Raven slid off the desk. The other Hosts were filing out, but she paused beside Akira. Slowly, she leaned down close to his ear.
"Just remember," she said. "You try and spread lies, and Kyoya's little disc will be the least of your worries."
She took some pleasure in the way he whimpered as she walked out of the room.
"Wow, Rave-chan, I didn't know you could be so scary!" Mitsukuni said with a small giggle.
"Tamaki is a moron, but he isn't cruel," Raven said. "Anyone who tries to say that puppy is trying to screw over people is going to get their face screwed over by my fist."
They found Tamaki and Haruhi in the hedge maze a half hour later. The rain had stopped by then, and Haruhi seemed no worse for wear from spending so long trapped with Tamaki under a gazebo. In fact, she seemed to have had a pleasant time.
"You seem chipper," Raven commented. "What happened while you guys were lost in there?"
"Tamaki shared some things with me about his past," Haruhi said. "It was kind of nice seeing him open up like that."
Raven frowned. She couldn't imagine what kind of things Tamaki could have to open up about. He always seemed so cheerful.
"Where's Akira?" Haruhi asked, a tad bit louder so the other Hosts heard.
"Oh, you won't have to worry about them," Kyoya said calmly. "They got all they need, so they won't be bugging us again."
"Is the Suoh family such a big deal?" Haruhi asked.
Kyoya shrugged. "They are quite a prominent family, with a variety of hands in different businesses, though they primarily deal in school management."
"School management?" Raven echoed.
"What school?" Haruhi said.
Kyoya blinked, looking back at them. "You mean you don't know? You both are actually indebted to Tamaki's father, as he's the only reason the scholarships your both using to attend here exist."
"Wait..." Haruhi breathed. "You mean Tamaki's father is the chairman of Ouran High?"
"Are you guys coming?" Tamaki called back to them. He and the others were quite a few paces ahead. "If you don't hurry up, we're going to leave you behind!"
"You mean he's the chairman's son?" Raven muttered. "Unbelievable."
*.*.*
"Quite the turnout..."
Haruhi was peeking through the curtains, brown eyes wide. Raven let out a small groan.
"Don't say that, I'm nervous enough," she muttered.
Haruhi smiled back at her, letting the curtain close. "Oh come on, Raven, you'll do great. You did amazing at the music festival."
"I was full of fire that time," Raven said. "I don't have a trio of bitches to show up this time."
Haruhi laughed.
It was the end of the last day of semester. Which meant it was the day of her concert. A week had passed since they put Akira and his newspaper club in its place. Over the past week, a lot of her guests were demanding to know if she was really leaving Japan for good.
Tonight she'd give her answer.
"Okay, it's almost time," Haruhi said softly. "Ready?"
Four songs. Four songs, with the Japanese translations of the songs up on the screens behind her. She might as well be bearing her soul. But she took a deep breath and nodded. Haruhi was going to stay here on stage with her. Out of sight of the audience of course. But as long as Raven knew she was there...
Of course, Raven hadn't been able to talk one on one with Hikaru since their fight. He'd been avoiding her more than ever. But she had to hope he would show.
He had to.
Raven stepped out onto the stage.
The curtains were still closed. Raven clutched her acoustic guitar and sat on the stool before the microphone. She felt her nerves threatening to consume her. But she took a deep steadying breath. All she had to do was lose herself in the music.
She began to strum, and the curtains slowly began to open. A soft spotlight glowed down on her from above. She heard the cheers erupt from the darkness in front of her, but no other lights were on yet. The melody she played was soft and calm, and over the speakers came the opening background singing for one of her favorite songs.
"Let's burn a hole,
So we can climb out,
Of these paper walls,
In this empty house
"Don't listen too close,
Their words are like guns.
With bullets that fly
And kill what you've won..."
The singing was by a choir of children, or so it sounded. It wasn't her voice, and Raven could almost feel the disappointment from her crowd. But the moment the verse stopped, the lights vanished, throwing them all into pitch darkness.
Raven quickly swapped her acoustic guitar for the electric one by her stool, and then stood up in time to rip a new chord to life and all the lights to flare to life at the same time. She pushed through the opening solo, hearing the crowd explode into a new frenzy. She leaned close to the mic, and began to sing herself.
"Let's burn a hole,
So we can climb out.
Of these paper walls,
In this empty house,
"Where the only thing that's real,
Is visions we had of ten years ago.
Of stars in the sky
And us down below.
"With streets and east coast lines,
We kept this scene alive!
"Here I am,
Still hold on to this,
Dream we had,
Won't let go of it.
Hear me now,
You will never be alone."
Her first song of the night was Paper Walls by Yellowcard. She loved it endlessly, especially the changing between electric and acoustic guitar. It had softness and power all in one, and she felt it perfect to open with. And she had to hope that the chorus got it's message across. Though, she wasn't planning on this to be the song to really drive home her answer to whether or not she was staying.
The song was a hit. When she finished, the girls in the crowd were screaming. Raven had to take a step back from the mic to get a drink and try and calm her nerves. Her face was flushed and her heart was hammering. But she spotted Haruhi from the edge of the stage giving her a thumbs up. It calmed her to see her friend's encouraging smile.
Steadily, she turned back to the mic. She knew most artists would speak to their audience between songs. But she just couldn't find the words. So she just took a breath, gripped the electric guitar and busted into the next song.
It was the same one she'd played out in the field when the Hosts were playing games. Stars by Switchfoot. But this time it was the regular version of it, rather than the acoustic variant she'd played that day. It resounded well with the girls. They were even managing to sing roughly along with the chorus by the end of it.
The third song was a bit more personal, and required a piano piece, so Raven paused and set down her electric guitar and sat on the stool, gripping the mic.
"I suppose I should ask how everyone's doing," she said stiffly.
The girls in the crowd screamed. Raven felt her face flush and she sighed.
"I take that as good," she muttered.
That earned her some giggles and cheers. Raven looked to the side of the stage.
"The next song doesn't have much guitar. But I figured you ladies wouldn't care considering how good Tamaki is at piano."
Raven was fairly certain the room was going to explode as Tamaki walked onto the stage and bowed graciously. She could see Renge in the front row barely containing herself. Tamaki went to the piano as Takashi rolled it out. She'd practiced for the past two days with the Host King. When he discovered one of her chosen songs had a lengthy piano piece in it, he'd practically begged to play it for her.
She had to give him credit, he learned the song in the first day.
Tamaki nodded at her and she propped her acoustic guitar on her knee. The moment she stummed the first note, he let the first few notes plunk out of the piano, and the girls all fell silent, their eyes wide with awe. Raven pulled the mic to her, and began to sing a song that had gotten her through a lot of things.
Carry On by Fun.
They got through the first first flawlessly. And when they reached the chorus, Raven saw the eyes of her audience widen.
"If you're lost and alone,
Or you're sinking like a stone,
Carry on.
May your past be the sound,
Of your feet upon the ground.
Carry on."
As Raven sung, she noticed that the girls reacted very differently to this song. Their eyes were glued to the screens providing them the Japanese lyrics. But it wasn't until Raven reached the second verse did she notice the true change.
"Though I'd like think,
I can cheat it all,
To make up for the times
I've been cheated on!
And it's nice to know,
When I was left for dead,
I was found and now I don't roam these streets,
I am not the ghost that you want of me!"
Raven looked up as she broke into the second chorus, and she saw tears on the girls' faces. She nearly hitched her breath at the sight. But she pushed on through the song as the intensity of it grew and grew. She felt something blossom in her chest.
If she could reach others with music like music had reached her- if she could save people like she was saved... That brought a whole new meaning to her life. Was this what her brother, Jay had been seeking with his band? Was this the fulfillment that was in store for him?
By the time she reached the end of the song, her heart was hammering. She heard the roar of the crowd. She saw the stage lights reflecting off of the girls' tears in the audience.
This... this was something entirely new. Raven could do something with this. It was something she knew how to do, it was something she understood.
But now wasn't the time to focus on that. As much as it filled her, as much as it made her realize so many things about herself all at once, there was something else she had to do.
She stood as Tamaki bowed toward the crowd. Her eyes scanned the people before her. It was rather dark out in the audience. It was hard to see anything beyond the first few rows of girls.
There was no way to tell if Hikaru was here.
This could be for naught. She could just be making a fool of herself. Raven glanced to the side of the stage. She saw Haruhi nod at her encouragingly from behind the curtain as Tamaki left the stage. She took a deep breath, then gripped the mic in her hand.
"This last song..." Raven began, feeling like every terribly cliched rock star character in every rom-com she'd ever seen. "Is for someone that..." She trailed off, feeling her cheeks begin to burn. The girls had gone silent, all staring at her with wide eyes. Renge was nearly leaning on the stage, mouth agape. Raven bit her lip, then pushed out the next words. "That is very important to me. You asked me if I was going to come back next year. If I was going to stay in Japan for the summer. Well... This isn't your song. But it's my song for you."
The girls were slack jawed. Raven wondered if they were trying to figure out which of them she was talking about. None of them would ever expect who she really wanted to reach with this song.
Raven gripped her guitar and started strumming.
*.*.*
He'd shown up in the middle of the last song. The song that had brought the room to tears. Hikaru felt his heart ache in his chest at the weight that Raven's words held when she had sang. And every bone in his body was suddenly felt with regret.
Kisuna had been right. Raven had pain in her soul, pain that she hid away from the world. Pain that was only visible when she thought no one was looking. And when she had sung that song, she had lost her sense of self. She had forgotten she'd had an audience. Hikaru had heard it in her voice, saw it in her face as she closed her eyes and belted out the lyrics.
But when she'd finished, Hikaru had turned to leave.
Kaoru had gripped his arm. It had been his brother who had convinced Hikaru to come in the first place.
"You owe her this," he had said. "I don't care if you got in a fight. I know how much she means to you, and how much you mean to her. You're going."
Hikaru had gone. He knew when Kaoru had his mind set on something- but he was so used to having his mind set on the same thing. He hadn't even admitted his true feelings about Raven to his twin, and she was already separating them. How was he supposed to pursue this new adventure without Kaoru at his side?
The answer was simple.
He couldn't.
And Raven deserved someone who would be able to give their all to her. To help heal the pain inside her. If he stayed, if he kept down this path, he knew there was nothing but a dead end.
"What are you doing?" Kaoru demanded over the roar of the crowd around them.
"I'm can't do this," Hikaru told him.
They were toward the back of the room. It was impossible to push through the cheering girls to get anywhere close to the stage. But Hikaru saw that as a blessing now. He didn't want Raven to see him leaving.
"You came all the way out here and now you're going to run?" Kaoru asked.
Hikaru felt his anger flare. "Run? I'm not running!"
Kaoru opened his mouth to retort, but then Raven's voice came through the speakers.
"This last song..."
Hikaru looked toward the stage and saw that Raven was scanning the crowd, turquoise eyes gleaming in the stage lights.
"Is for someone that..." She trailed off, and Hikaru saw a blush flare to life on her cheeks. The girls had gone silent, all staring at the stage. Raven bit her lip. The act alone made Hikaru's heart hammer. "That is very important to me. You asked me if I was going to come back next year. If I was going to stay in Japan for the summer. Well... This isn't your song. But it's my song for you."
And she began to play
The guitar's tune was slow and steady. Hikaru was rooted to the spot. The feeling seemed to have left his legs. Her song for him. Hikaru knew how much music meant to Raven. This... this song was...
"Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep.
Dreaming about the things that we could be.
But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard.
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars.
Yeah we'll be counting... stars..."
Hikaru didn't have to look at the screens to understand the words. His English was good enough now to follow along, to let her words grip his heart and begin twisting it.
"I see this life, like a swinging vine,
Swing my heart across the line,
And in my face is flashing signs,
Seek it out and ye' shall find.
"Old, but I'm not that old.
Young, but I'm not that bold.
And I don't think the world is sold,
On just doing what we're told.
"I-I-I-I feel something so right
Doing the wrong thing.
I-I-I-I feel something so wrong
Doing the right thing.
I couldn't lie, couldn't lie, couldn't lie,
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive."
Raven rolled into the chorus. Hikaru gaped at her, letting the words fill him. Letting their meaning wash over him.
"Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep,
Dreaming about the things that we could be.
But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard.
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars."
When the chorus was over and Raven began the second verse, Hikaru started shoving his way through the crowd.
"Kaoru, I have to get up there!" he cried.
"Right!" Kaoru began to push with him, the two of them carving their way forward.
"I feel this life and I feel it burn,
Down this river, every turn,
Hope is our four-letter word,
Make that money, watch it burn."
They was still too far from the stage. Six rows of girls were blocking them.
"Move!" he cried, forgetting himself as he gripped shoulders and pried his way through.
"Come on," Kaoru snapped. "Get out of the way!"
Raven had reached the bridge of the song. The tune had turn more intense, and Raven repeated the same words over and over.
"Take that money,
Watch it burn.
Sink in the river
The lessons I've learned."
Money. It had always led back to that, always led back to Raven telling him he was just seeing her as any other girl he could swoon. She saw all the rich as shallow and empty. But still...
Still...
"Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep.
Dreaming about the things that we could be."
The things the could be...
"Out of our way, let us through!" Hikaru begged.
He was so close now. The last chorus was pumping through the room. The girls were losing it. They barely noticed him as he tried to force he way to the stage.
"Raven!" Hikaru cried. "RAVEN!"
It was no use. The music and the cheering crowd was too loud. It drowned out his call like a paper boat in the ocean. He pushed and shoved. Several girls gave him reproached looks, but he didn't care.
Two rows of girls. They was in the light of the stage now. But Raven's eyes were closed as she sang the last verses.
"Take that money,
Watch it burn.
Sink in the river.
The lessons I've learned."
Hikaru pushed, but it was no use. He had to make certain she saw him. That he understood. That he felt the same way. If she was announcing this to a whole room of girls, that she had feelings for someone- he could do the same. He could tell her that he-
"Go!" a voice called from behind him, barely audible over the music.
Hands pushed against his back, shoving him the final steps through the girls. Hikaru looked back in time to see Kisuna's face, a smile on her face, though it seemed a little sad. Then the audience swallowed her.
The last words of the song left Raven, leaving the final notes to stretch out over the room. Hikaru turned around to see he was right up against the stage. Beside him, he saw and heard Renge's excited cheers.
He'd made it.
Raven let the final chord fall, and she opened her eyes. The crowd erupted. Hikaru felt a small smile hit his lips as Raven looked out, out of breath and wide-eyed. It was like she'd woken from a dream, and was startled to find herself on a stage before adoring fans.
Then, her turquoise eyes locked onto his.
Hikaru stared at her, and for a split second, it was like all the sound in the room died out. It was just the two of them, a silent communication passing between them. Raven looked to be in shock. But when Hikaru smiled, she smiled back.
Then the roar came back, and Raven looked out at all of her audience. In that moment, it was like she had completely shed her harsh shell. She gripped the mic and said, her voice firm and full of confidence.
"I'll be back to Ouran next year. So don't go forgetting me over the summer!"
Her smile was wide and almost feral. It was raw excitement she was showing. Like she was high off the hype of the crowd before her. The girls around them exploded into a new frenzy. Hikaru felt an arm clasp his and he turned to see Kaoru was beaming.
For a moment, Hikaru felt like everything was going ot be okay. Raven was staying. And she had just announced to everyone she had feelings for someone. Feelings for him.
But when he looked back at Kaoru, he felt his heart stammer.
It was like Kisuna said- Raven only showed her pain when no one was looking. Well, Kaoru must have felt like no one could see him in that moment, for as he looked up at Raven, his face had fallen. There was a troubled gleam in his amber eyes, and he brows drooped down.
Hikaru knew that he was beyond happy that Raven was staying. It filled his center most being with warmth. But if he did this...
He'd leave Kaoru behind.
Yet this time, he found himself hesitating. Yearning to stare at Raven longer. To get up on the stage to embrace her.
And the fact that he didn't open his mouth to tell Kaoru not to worry- that he didn't turn and leave, with his brother's hand in his...
That's what terrified him the most.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:::
Hoo, boy, it's been a while, huh? Dunno if any of you follow my other stories, but I was stuck in a horrible job that stole all my free time. But I got a new one, it's much better, and now I can give my fics love again. I want to apologize if the concert scene was a little too heavy on the lyrics, but I feel they were important to Raven's character. So! Here's the list of her concert songs! (In order of appearance.)
Paper Walls by Yellowcard
Stars by Switchfoot
Carry On by Fun.
Counting Stars by Onerepublic
I'm going to say that Counting Stars is Raven's favorite song for this chapter, considering it's her song for Hikaru right now.
So! Now we know more about Raven's past. Finally right? Hopefully her actions over the past chapters make more sense now, including her relationship with Haven.
In any case. You guys have been amazing with your support in this story. Sorry it took so long for the update. I'm SUPER excited for the next two chapters. So prepare for those to come out soon!
Thanks so much for the reads, reviews, follows and favs! You guys rock my socks.
-Red
