34***Note: Chapter contains some mild mature content.***
Chapter 9: A Piece of the Future
CBI Reset
Lisbon finished her first week as the new CBI director. Numerous colleagues congratulated her. She most valued the congratulations from people she respected: Minelli, Ardiles, Judge Manchester, even Abbott. She was more than a little surprised at the celebration spontaneously arranged by the investigative units. The good agents had craved honest, competent leadership for years even before Bertram was identified as a criminal and fled.
Her contract specified a six month probationary period with clear performance requirements. Accorded the full authority of the position, she decided to seize the opportunity to implement the changes needed to solve several long-standing problems. Lisbon would personally accompany each new unit leader on one case each quarter to provide coaching and help as needed. The CBI also would develop a program to recognize, reward, and make available specialized talent within the bureau. Agents with specialized expertise would be available for short periods to consult with other units. Unit leaders would be free to accept or refuse the specialized help. In turn, the specialists would be free to turn down requests for their services. The unit leaders would earn recognition and small financial rewards for improving the close and conviction rates for their cases. The specialists would earn small financial rewards every time their assistance was requested. Each side had something to gain and something to lose. Van Pelt, Rigsby and Jane would be part of that new program. And Kimball Cho was promoted to Lisbon's former position.
Jane and Lisbon Reset
Jane worked late on the case to get Cho something he promised. That was convenient since Lisbon needed to stay late for a meeting with the AG. They had continued to car-pool.
"I'm starving. Can we please stop and eat, Lisbon?"
"Yeah, past time, but I'm too muddy for a restaurant. A taxi splashed dirty water all over me after it rained."
"Drive-up, then?"
Lisbon groaned, "Eat in the car? Another missed opportunity to actually enjoy the meal."
"How about take-out and we eat at my place? It's close."
"I'd like to see your apartment. You've had it a while and I've never seen it."
"Things have been busy."
"Understatement of the decade!" After a moment, "I'm glad you have your own place. I felt bad for you staying at that dreary motel or the CBI attic."
"'No one forced me. Though 'home sweet motel room' was getting old. Like living out of a very large suitcase."
"Ten years! I should think so. And the attic was an exercise in self-punishment."
"It wasn't that bad. -Glad the team's made short work of the latest case. Obvious and boring."
"The CBI still doesn't exist for your amusement, Jane."
They ordered by phone. After getting the food, they headed for Jane's apartment.
"Red John. Blake Association. Red John's friends. And now I'm getting a shot at the director's position. A lot of change - mostly good, but still. How do you feel about it all?"
Jane sighed. "Relieved. Satisfied I finished what I started. And free."
"Free?"
"Free to forget about Red John. Free not to center my life on the murder of my family."
"Jane, I'm so glad you held back, let Haffner fire first. Justified shooting."
He shifted uncomfortably, bile rising at the thought of Red John. "I could only do it because of the team. I knew he wouldn't get away. Glad he's dead, though."
"Me too, God forgive me. You have a future now. . . And what do you want from that future?"
"I want a life with you. Beyond that, I'm not sure."
Gently, "Jane, you've devoted ten years to avenging your family. Give yourself time. Maybe you should just go someplace beautiful for awhile and do nothing."
He grinned wryly. "Last time I tried that I was nearly blown up. . . There isn't anything I feel like doing. It's like going down a flight of stairs, thinking there's an extra step at the bottom. Jarring. Disconcerting."
"What's fun for you? Enjoyable?" Sadness shadowed his face and he looked away. She thought, Ending Red John means moving on from his family, too. Bittersweet. As the silence stretched too long, Lisbon added softly, "Hey, maybe that's too big a question right now. Just take it day by day. Maybe start with what you don't want." Jane glanced at her, swallowed, and hesitated. Lisbon sensed tension he was trying to hide. Quietly, "What is it?"
He took a deep breath. "I don't know how I feel about CBI," he finally said, uneasily awaiting her reaction.
"I kinda thought that could be an issue. The pain and gore of homicide investigations aren't a natural fit for you. Coping with Red John for so long has only made it worse."
He frowned and shook his head. "It's not all negative. I like the team, I like solving cases. It's just..." his voice trailed off.
"Jane, may I make a suggestion?"
"Sure. I wouldn't have brought it up otherwise."
"Changing your whole life is too much. What if you just try small changes to make it better?"
"Like?
"Work only on unusual or interesting cases. Maybe fewer of them. You're a great asset for the CBI, but you don't have to continue under the same terms."
"Might be a first step. But if I worked on fewer cases, what would take their place?"
"Well, the new specialist program may provide different types of cases. Also, you have a great reputation in California. You could also consult with PD's or even private firms. Maybe Homeland and Abbott at the FBI. The cases don't all have to be homicides. More mystery and less gore. Or, perhaps just take it easy for awhile." Paused at a stoplight, Lisbon cupped his face in her hand. "Jane, as-your friend and partner, I don't want you to fill every moment with the same work that's cost you so much. You used to enjoy life a lot more. Give yourself time to catch your breath, to remember who you used to be. Read, hike, travel, whatever."
"Won't that upset your apple cart at CBI?"
"You're a superb detective and you've given a lot to CBI and to me. But I'd be a poor excuse for a friend to expect you to put my career before your own best interests."
"Hmm. I'll think about it. The option of turning down some cases and figuring out new types of crime is interesting. -Oh, my building is the next right. Turn here."
The Apartment
Jane's apartment was on the third floor of a modern, medium-sized building surrounded by trees. He unlocked the door and held it open for Lisbon. She stepped a few paces inside and waited while he closed and bolted the door.
The apartment was modern and inviting: Planked, stained-wood cathedral ceiling, pale gray walls, burnished wood flooring, modern fireplace. Large windows flanked the fireplace and looked out on treetops, lending it privacy and a connection with the outdoors. The pale beige leather sofa and easy chairs managed clean lines without sacrificing comfort. The dining room and living room tables had simple forms. Their beauty lay in the figured wood and shining satin finish. An oriental rug was centered between the sofa and chairs. Predominantly cream and medium gray, jewel tones in the design brought it to life. A vivid Nierman oil painting and several good copies of Monets graced the walls. Bookcases were already half-filled, a testimony to Jane's constant reading. The room was uncluttered but looked lived-in from the several partly-read books, a casually folded throw, and an abandoned cup and saucer–Jane's ubiquitous tea.
Lisbon looked around the living/dining room. "How did a carny kid come by such great taste?"
"Thank you. Umm, avoiding all those bad examples, maybe."
"'Modern' often ends up cold and sterile. This is beautiful. Warm."
"The wood makes all the difference." He laid his suit jacket across the back of the sofa and temporarily set the take-out bag on the pass-through counter to the kitchen. Lisbon took off her jacket and laid it next to his. He offered and she accepted his two-bit tour.
They stepped into the kitchen. More clean lines, stone counter-tops, ceramic tiled floor, stainless-finish appliances. It was small, functional and attractive.
"Eating at the counter lets me use the breakfast area for a desk and bookcase. The light is great and it's close to the kitchen."
Lisbon nodded and smiled. "Close to the tea, you mean. I like the view of trees from both directions." She moved back into the hall. Jane followed, then retraced his steps to put the take-out bag into the refrigerator. Lisbon glanced into his bedroom without going in. A second bedroom was largely unfurnished and unused. The main bathroom and a laundry-storage area completed the tour. The apartment was all of a piece–all clean lines, modern, and tasteful in keeping with Jane, himself. She smiled to herself, He's more of a homebody than I am. 'Course, it helps to have money when you're setting your place up. She returned to the living room and stood by a window to better look out over the city lights, brilliant in the darkness. Jane stopped a pace behind her.
He lightly rested his hands on her shoulders. Lisbon started slightly and glanced over her shoulder. "Jane?"
"Come here," he said softly as he gently turned her to face him. "Teresa, I've waited a long time to tell you I love you," eyes dark, drinking her in.
She drew a deep breath in surprise and pleasure. "We've both waited a long time. Are you su–"
He interrupted, "This is one change I'm sure of. I've been sure for years." One hand lightly on her back, he tilted her chin up and brushed her lips in a kiss.
Lisbon leaned closer and kissed him back. They relaxed into the moment, their kisses growing more confident, passionate, intimate. Jane slid his arms comfortably around her waist and stepped closer, reveling in the feel of her body against his. She rested one hand on his waist and stroked his cheek with the other. Warmth and fullness washed over her, heating her to the core. She could hardly ignore evidence of his interest, his passion, pressing against her body.
"Jane, do you think–"
He interrupted her with a kiss. "Teresa, let's leave the thinking for later if you don't mind."
"You know I'm in love with you." Lisbon embraced him tightly for a second, eyes closed. Tears of emotional overload gathered on her eyelashes like dew.
"I thought so. I love hearing you say it."
She drew back slightly, opening her eyes. She grinned. "You, who are so good at reading people, couldn't have a doubt in your mind!" Incredulous, "You only 'thought' so?"
"Hey. The greater the personal stake, the harder an accurate read. I didn't want to presume too much. –I recall the term 'arrogant' coming up a few times." He punctuated the sentence with kisses he planted on her lips, along her jaw, along her throat. "So, yes, I'm pleased to hear you say it." He murmured, "Can I interest you in seeing the bedroom?"
"Thought you'd never ask," she breathed, eyes bright with desire.
Lisbon gave a little yelp of surprise as Jane scooped her up and carried her into the bedroom. Setting her on her feet, "Now, where were we?"
Jane toed off his shoes and quickly pulled off socks. Lisbon did the same, suddenly two inches shorter, more vulnerable, more feminine. Standing close, he unbuttoned her blouse, pulled it loose from her pants. Impatient with the clothing, he planted a trail of kisses down her throat and between her breasts as he slipped it off her shoulders. She shivered with a frisson of pleasure. The silky fabric slid over her skin like a caress.
Lisbon reciprocated by unbuttoned his vest and shirt, kissing his chest as each additional inch of skin was revealed. She helped slide the sleeves off his arms, taking the opportunity to stroke his chest. His nipples hardened as she brushed them with her fingertips and then kissed them.
Stroking her bare shoulders, Jane found the slight, faint ridge of scar tissue where Red John's disciple O'Laughlin had shot her. He kissed the shoulder tenderly. "I'm so sorry you were hurt."
Softly but firmly, "No. No more regrets, Jane. We focus on the future from now on." She traced her fingers over the all-but invisible scars from Barlow and Haffner, and the more recent scars from the bullet wounds. She took her own advice and set aside lingering sadness to enjoy being close, revel in finally taking the next step.
Jane slid his hands around her back and unhooked her bra, waves of sensation rippling from his touch. He brought his hands forward, simultaneously sliding her bra off and cupping her breasts. She moaned in pleasure. They kissed as he fondled her breasts, then he nibbled them and licked and sucked her nipples erect. Her body was petite and taut, her breasts surprisingly lush.
"Oh my." He sighed and kissed the hollow of her throat, rubbing her nipples gently. Drawing back, he gazed hungrily at her partly-naked body. "You're beautiful. More than I even imagined." He breathed faster and urgently pulled her to him.
Lisbon's blush started with her cheeks and spread to her neck, chest, breasts. "When did this imagining happen? I try hard to keep it professional at work."
"Yes, you do," he said between kisses, "I've had years of trying not to go there. Men can't help but wonder." He nuzzled her hair and lightly bit an earlobe, enjoying the light scent of pomegranate and citrus from her shampoo. He traced the delicate ridges of her ear with his tongue, triggering a shiver of desire. "You know, the tough cop image really is betrayed by your flagrantly beautiful hair," he whispered.
One hand tangled in her hair, Jane's other hand skimmed down her hip to her thigh, then to the inside of her thighs. She shuddered and thrust her hips forward. He reached to unbuckle her belt but she stopped him. "Um, let me put my gun and badge aside. Shooting ourselves won't be erotic." He shook his head once, charmed and amused. She set the gun and badge on the dresser, then stepped back to him.
He unbuckled her belt, unhooked the waistband and unzipped her pants. He slid them down, moving from her improbably small waist to the sweet flare of her hips, making the practical into a caress. She mirrored his actions, unbuckling his belt, unbuttoning the waistband and unzipping the fly. His pants promptly fell to the floor from his narrow hips. They stepped out of their clothing. "Oh." Lisbon smiled, faintly embarrassed.
"What?" he smiled in response.
"I wondered what type of shorts you wore–don't ask me why."
He grinned, amused. "Whatever."
Still kissing her breasts, teasing her nipples with his tongue, Jane slipped his hands under the band and pulled her panties off, enjoying the feel of her curves. She tried sliding his shorts down, but they hung up on his erection.
Sheepishly, he untangled himself from his underwear. "Sorry. Can't help it."
Enjoying his self-consciousness, "Wouldn't want you to. I take it as a compliment."
Jane stepped back and admired her, head to toe. Dark, wavy brown hair tumbled over her shoulders and down her back, a sharp contrast to luminous, pale skin. As always, her face was dominated by striking, gray-green eyes. He caught his breath and stepped closer, unable to resist stroking her naked body from shoulder to thigh, then back up to her breasts. He kissed her passionately, sighed and stepped back, "Mmm. Just gorgeous."
She frankly looked him up and down as well. Jane was lean and well-built with long limbs, neither soft nor hard. His hair was an exuberant jumble of bronze curls and waves. She enjoyed light from the living room glinting off the golden hair on his arms and legs. She had long loved his face and delighted in the freedom to touch as well as look. "You're not hard on the eyes yourself," she said, approvingly. She stepped close and pressed her body to his as they kissed and caressed. Her hand drifted down. He gasped as she grasped him with fingers and thumb. He cupped the cheeks of her ass and pulled her even closer.
They moved to the bed without disengaging. Jane freed a hand to pull down the covers. They sat on the edge, then slid between smooth, crisp sheets. Lisbon lay back, arms folded under her head, inviting him to stroke her whole body. Jane lay down next to her sideways, propped up on his left elbow, and proceeded to do just that. He kissed her mouth, then worked his way down, worrying her nipples gently with his lips and teeth. He stroked her with his right hand, caressing her from her breasts to her thighs. A wave of heat followed his hand. She drew her breath in sharply as he brushed the insides of her thighs. Her legs parted slightly, involuntarily, blood throbbing. He sought and found the well of luscious lubrication. He spread it up to her clitoris, getting more excited himself as she trembled, flexed her knees and splayed her legs. She tilted her pelvis to meet his caresses as he fondled and explored her, movements and breathing faster, urgent.
She ran her hand over his chest, rubbed his nipples, and kissed all the skin she could reach. She lightly scraped the inside of his upper arms with her fingernails, goose bumps trailing her touch. As they kissed, she reached down and pushed the foreskin back and gently rubbed the head. His erection couldn't be stronger. She explored further, gently caressing his balls before returning to his penis.
Jane abruptly lay back and took a deep breath. "Uh, let me get something while I can," he said and fumbled to open the night stand drawer with his right hand.
Suddenly cold as he pulled away, "Jane. Jane!" Lisbon said sharply enough to get his attention.
"What?"
"If I got pregnant, would you want the baby?"
He blinked in surprise, struggling to change gears and answer coherently. "Yes, yes, I'd want our child."
Lisbon pulled him back to her, "Don't bother with a condom."
Nonplussed, "You're sure?"
"You're not the only one who's thought about this for years. I'd love to have your child. You're the only man I've felt that way about."
He took a deep breath, determined to be responsible, to put her at ease before continuing. "I had the follow-up blood tests after Haffner cut me. I'm clean."
"As am I. Now come back here."
He exhaled a deep, shuddering breath, lay against her again, and kissed her thoroughly. He fondled her intimately, long fingers piercing her, manipulating her, mapping her erogenous topography. His excitement grew with her every moan and shiver.
"Now, how can I please you?" He fondled her, exploring what pleased her most, what got the most passionate response. "There?"
"There's good. Up a little. And faster. Mmm." She soon was incapable of words and he used her breathing and moans and thrusts to guide him.
He brought her to the brink of orgasm, held her there for long moments, then triggered the release. She moaned in pleasure, melting and finally relaxing.
She took a breath, let it out slowly. "Worth waiting for. Now come inside me," she whispered. "Your turn." He positioned himself over her and entered her with a smooth, powerful thrust. She gasped in pleasure at the sudden fullness. He rhythmically thrust, burying himself in her, losing himself in her depths as she spread her legs wide, doggedly controlling, containing himself until she was ready again, nails digging into his back as she climbed toward another orgasm. He gave in to his own desire as he felt her go over the edge, coming in an ecstasy of contractions and flood of ejaculate. The release was all the sweeter for years of delay and denial.
Spent, Jane kissed her and stayed atop her for a few moments more. He rolled to the side and lightly stroked her body.
"Do you need more, my dear?"
Lisbon shook her head, leaned over and kissed him, then lay back.
After a few moments, "I could get used to this. Another reason to love you."
"Just another way of expressing it. Teresa, I've loved you for years. I'm finally free to act."
"Thank God. I love you."
He lay back, surrendering to the urge to doze. Time stretched before them. They had finally moved forward. There would be weeks and months and years to explore the finer points of desire, learn every way of creating joy with each other. Just now, a marathon wasn't necessary. He fervently wanted it to be about more than sex.
She snuggled against him, head on his left shoulder, arm casually across his chest, leg comfortably over his. He pulled the sheet over them, fending off the chill, conditioned air. He occasionally stirred, clasping her to him and kissing the top of her head. She idly stroked his chest, drowsing contentedly.
Half-an-hour later, their stomachs growled in hunger, waking them.
Blinking awake, "Oh!" she said, stricken.
Concerned, "What is it?"
"The food is spoiled by now. And I'm still famished."
She could hear the smile in his voice as he replied, "No problem. It's in the refrigerator."
"You had this all planned out, didn't you?" she accused.
"No, but I take advantage of my opportunities."
Jane sat up and stretched. He kissed Lisbon lightly and got out of bed. Lisbon enjoyed watching him, body sleekly muscled and nicely formed, hands and feet almost elegant. Rummaging in a drawer, he tossed her a dress shirt fresh from the dry cleaner. "Here's something to put on, if you'd like. Let's eat." He donned his shorts and shirt, buttoning it part way.
Lisbon fetched and slipped on panties, then put on his shirt. It was a comfortable mid-thigh length on her.
Jane pulled her close, kissed her, then shepherded her toward the kitchen, hand lightly on the small of her back. He warmed the take-out in the microwave, put water on to boil, and set out plates and silverware. They sat at the counter and ate dinner. Afterward, he made tea and instant coffee and warmed some bakery muffins for dessert.
They moved to the living room with their beverages and dessert. She sat next to him, folding her legs under her and leaning against him. They delighted in the new freedom to touch, she stroking his leg and he casually embracing her and playing with her hair.
"What now, Jane?"
"Stay the night? The weekend?"
"Sure. But, now what? Where do we go from here?"
"I know where I want this to go. I need to hear what you want, Teresa."
Lisbon took a breath and let it out. "I'll say it straight-up, then. The only thing I ask is that you level with me–no tricks, no hiding what you think and want." She straightened and shifted slightly so she faced him.
"Tell me."
"I love you and want to live my life with you. Be married–no hiding or dodging around. I need to continue being a cop. If I could have everything, I'd like us both to stay at the CBI. I don't know if it's possible."
"You've put up with a lot over the years. I've tried to create fewer headaches for you. But I can't promise any dramatic change. And you've paid a price for my secrets, half‑truths and lies while I hunted Red John. I can't change the past-I did what I had to. I never took you for granted, even though it cost you as well. You know what you'll be getting. Permanently." Apprehensive, he rubbed his thighs uneasily, shoulders stiff with tension.
Lisbon looked at him levelly, tenderly. She stilled his hands with hers. "You never hid your commitment to getting Red John. No regrets, Jane. ‑‑Going forward, I don't expect you to change who you are–don't want you to. A little moderation would be good. Whatever you choose for work, don't take so many risks, especially if we have kids. And talk to me more–I don't want to have to guess where I stand or what's going on. After ten years I know what I'm getting. You're who I want."
He sighed in relief. "What about kids?" his gaze intent upon her reaction.
"Jane, you're wonderful with kids. I'd love to have your children." She sighed and frowned. "I'm not 20 anymore. It's hard to get pregnant at 40. What–" she swallowed, "what if I can't have children?"
"I want us to marry and share our lives, no matter what. I want to try to have a family. If it doesn't work, could we adopt?"
"Yes."
Jane kissed her, the tension leaving his body. "See? Not so hard."
Lisbon touched the wedding band on his left hand. "What about this?"
"This," Jane replied as he held up his left hand, "is why I'm sure you're who I should marry. I couldn't give you anything on the personal side till now. Yet you've helped honor my wife and daughter for years by supporting my hunt for Red John. Any interest I had in other women felt like I was betraying Angela. I've never felt that with you."
"I can't compete with Angela. Wouldn't want to try."
"There's no competition–you're very similar. I trust you, admire your strength. You know what you believe and live your life accordingly. You require me to be better than I am. Somehow, you love me despite my failings. All true of Angela, too."
"Not so many failings–that's mainly style, surface stuff. Jane, you're a kind, generous, gentle person. I know it. Everyone on the team knows it."
"Oh, please."
"You can't accept an honest compliment?"
Jane kissed her. "I appreciate the thought, but I know myself too well. Too many years I would change if I could."
"Hey. It's not about being a plaster saint. One measure is how far you've had to come. You liked being a psychic because you made people feel good, didn't you? Your father took that and twisted it into callousness and greed. Samantha told me. That detour took years to undo."
"Tempting but too easy. I liked the money and attention. I wanted to be the smartest person in the room."
"And usually you are. Is that conceit? Or fact? You don't seem as compelled to put on a show anymore, to be 'on' all the time. No one doubts how much you bring to the table. You're undeniably brilliant. It took a while longer to realize you work hard on cases, even if it looks like goofing off."
He grinned and threw up his hands. "Okay. I'm terrific and everyone knows it. Great."
Smiling in response, "I see that's enough praise, or I'm going to regret it. -What about work-if we both continue working for the CBI?"
Serious again, "Let's see if we can get the flexibility we need."
Dismayed, "Jane, I'm the director now. Married couples just can't report to one another."
"If I work with Cho, will that do it?"
"Maybe. I've got to think about what will work for the whole CBI. And what will work when different people are involved."
"You mean those other people who aren't as perfect as we are?"
She whapped him lightly on the chest. "I mean people who are human, just like us."
"Lisbon, you see the organization and rules. I see a crowd of people waiting to be persuaded." He added hastily, "I'm not saying you're a slave to a rule book. You believe in rules because you see value in them–order, discipline, predictability. I'm just saying rules are made by people. Somehow we'll find a way to get what we need."
Still apprehensive, "I'm not sure, Jane."
"Look, we're most of the way there. The AG and governor want you, for heaven's sake. I close a lot of cases making everyone look good. I agree I can't report directly to you, but some accommodation should be possible. We'll make it work. I am a little concerned about the team. Rigsby and Van Pelt went through hell before the rules changed. And will Cho be okay working with me if he reports to you?"
"Non-issue. You and I were already operating as partners. Adding a personal life won't make a difference so long as work stays the same." Suddenly shifting to her professional persona, "And it has to stay the same. If we're married, it doesn't change how things have to be at CBI. Rigsby and Van Pelt are married but I still expect them to behave as professionals. Cho doesn't care so long as everyone pulls his weight without letting the personal interfere. If you work with Cho, you have to make it work with him. I'm still going to give you grief when you deserve it."
He smiled, "I expect no less. I don't want you to change, either."
"And how can we manage kids in all this? I think I can do the director's job, but there will be long hours."
"I'll do whatever we need to make it work. Teresa, I don't expect you to change who you are. You need to be a cop and you finally have the opportunity you deserve. After I royally complicated your career for ten years, this is my chance to make it up to you. As a consultant, I'll have more flexibility. We'll get help. We'll make it work. The only thing I absolutely need is you."
They settled back on the sofa, comfortable spending time together without talking. He continued a book he'd started. She listened to jazz he had recorded.
Every so often she glanced at him, delighted he was feeling good. Hunting Red John had been dangerous, grueling and depressing for years. She missed a certain lightness and playfulness that Jane had earlier in his time at CBI. She was hopeful that side of him hadn't been lost forever. No more regrets.
A/N: To Guest (March 4): I'm very much interested in your reaction: "Your jane & lisbon in this were were very au & not like the show unfortunately..." If you have time/inclination, I very much would like to better understand your "take." Please feel free to expand on your comment if you have the time. Thanks for reading and your interesting comment.
