for Two Minds, One Body12/14/2019 c1 Nitramora
Hmmm, the sentence: Ash/Red went back to his/their home. I can see that you are trying to enforce the idea of single/multi
pronouns. But I think it would have better served in the beginning rather than the end. A more punchy phrasing would be: Ash/Red returned home, The twins went back home, or simply They came back home.
It is a general tip for writers to avoid akward, lanky, multi adjective strewn sentences, unless yourJames Joyce. On to another subject.
I remember in a Star Wars fanfiction that discribed Padawans who refused to talk because telepathy was 100 percent more efficient and less tiring. I wonder if Delia had to reprimand Red/Ash because people kept hearing voices from seemly no source, them not knowing that telepathy is not a common way to communicate. From how you've written them they'll have quickly caught on, with Delia having to hide their existing state of duality. I will have to assume their maturity of language is from continuely scanning others thought patterns, let's see if their actions match.
With both of them so willful it must be a pain the few times they argue. I love body sharing stories. There is a good Assassin's Creed fanfiction called Binary Duality. Lovely, but unfortunately left unfinished last I checked. Congrats, this is the longest review that I posted so far, I wonder how long I can make it. Explore the bleeding of personalities if you're up to it, not hard with them being together from birth, they would of had to fight it. It's my favorite part of this sort of thing. Sincerely;
Night of Revelation.
Hmmm, the sentence: Ash/Red went back to his/their home. I can see that you are trying to enforce the idea of single/multi
pronouns. But I think it would have better served in the beginning rather than the end. A more punchy phrasing would be: Ash/Red returned home, The twins went back home, or simply They came back home.
It is a general tip for writers to avoid akward, lanky, multi adjective strewn sentences, unless yourJames Joyce. On to another subject.
I remember in a Star Wars fanfiction that discribed Padawans who refused to talk because telepathy was 100 percent more efficient and less tiring. I wonder if Delia had to reprimand Red/Ash because people kept hearing voices from seemly no source, them not knowing that telepathy is not a common way to communicate. From how you've written them they'll have quickly caught on, with Delia having to hide their existing state of duality. I will have to assume their maturity of language is from continuely scanning others thought patterns, let's see if their actions match.
With both of them so willful it must be a pain the few times they argue. I love body sharing stories. There is a good Assassin's Creed fanfiction called Binary Duality. Lovely, but unfortunately left unfinished last I checked. Congrats, this is the longest review that I posted so far, I wonder how long I can make it. Explore the bleeding of personalities if you're up to it, not hard with them being together from birth, they would of had to fight it. It's my favorite part of this sort of thing. Sincerely;
Night of Revelation.
12/23/2018 c2 
24Poke-ranger21
please update your story is awesome so far and I want to find out what happens next
24Poke-ranger21please update your story is awesome so far and I want to find out what happens next
6/12/2015 c2 Guest
Grate start to the journey!:)
Grate start to the journey!:)
6/29/2014 c2 Doit
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
9/1/2013 c1 8xX Shining Diamond Xx
That's it. I'm taking this story. There's one thing you could do- update!
8xX Shining Diamond XxThat's it. I'm taking this story. There's one thing you could do- update!
6/14/2013 c2 orion kuroi
Oh! Oh! Can you make the Eon Twins turn human like pokemon legendaries ability fanon and make them younger then Ash/Red
Really Naruto it's his Pokemon WTH!
Misty and Brock are the anime or manga persona?
And it's Gary or Blue/Green?
When Red and Ash meet Sabrina it's gonna awesome!
Oh! Oh! Can you make the Eon Twins turn human like pokemon legendaries ability fanon and make them younger then Ash/Red
Really Naruto it's his Pokemon WTH!
Misty and Brock are the anime or manga persona?
And it's Gary or Blue/Green?
When Red and Ash meet Sabrina it's gonna awesome!
5/30/2013 c1 account removal
This is all too similar to Shara Raizel's Digimon fic called Drowning Memories. (If you haven't watched the show, don't read this next part!) Takuya and Davis are cousins and when Milleniummon kills Takuya his spirit gets into Davis' subconscious.
This is all too similar to Shara Raizel's Digimon fic called Drowning Memories. (If you haven't watched the show, don't read this next part!) Takuya and Davis are cousins and when Milleniummon kills Takuya his spirit gets into Davis' subconscious.
