for The Betrayal Of Love1/21/2013 c10 Jess
Ha! In your face, Blair!
Ha! In your face, Blair!
10/17/2009 c10 Tenjoin Asuka
never really liked Blair,
good story
could use a bit more detail though
keep up the good work
Jaden and Alexis forever
never really liked Blair,
good story
could use a bit more detail though
keep up the good work
Jaden and Alexis forever
7/6/2008 c10 
2kuri-loves-curry
That was a very interesting story. I found it to be fun to read. At the end of each chapter, I couldn't help but want to read the next chapter to find out what happened.
I like the way you ended it. Very amusing story and very believable plot.
Keep up the good work.
-Satoshi
2kuri-loves-curryThat was a very interesting story. I found it to be fun to read. At the end of each chapter, I couldn't help but want to read the next chapter to find out what happened.
I like the way you ended it. Very amusing story and very believable plot.
Keep up the good work.
-Satoshi
3/11/2008 c10 C-CHAN
Fianceeshipping RULES! And Blair-bashing too!
Fianceeshipping RULES! And Blair-bashing too!
2/22/2008 c10 belladama
This was good. Humurous and dramatic at the same time. However, it would have been GREAT if you added more details. All in all, 3/5. Good. And thank you so much for faving my story!
This was good. Humurous and dramatic at the same time. However, it would have been GREAT if you added more details. All in all, 3/5. Good. And thank you so much for faving my story!
5/29/2007 c1 13CheeseyWonder221
Hey, Um, Never heard of you. I'm an old timer, and I haven't been back in awhile. So, NICE TO MEETCHA!
Anyways, Its pretty good. Can I constructive crit ya? Thanks =)
1. Please add More details! Shove us readers into the plot! EX:
Yours:"Where are you Blair". Said Jaden.
Edited: "Where are you, Blair?" Judai called out towards the door. No Answer! He shugged and pushed open the door- He was used to just walking right in Blair's house, considering he was her girlfriend.
2. I'm sorry for making the assumption that Blair was his girlfriend, but what I got from it, it appeared so! Please do not leave the reader with doubt(With details like that!). Doubt is okay when you're trying to build suspense, but, otherwise, don't leave the readers in the dark!
3. Please don't use run-ons. I may not be able to talk, but grammar is vital! For Instance:
Yours: Alexis was driving down the street and noticed Jaden was alone and depressed so she parked her car near the curve and went to see what is wrong with Jaden.
Hun, No Offence, but that is one long run on. Here is an edited version:
Editied: Alexis was driving down the street and noticed Jaden was alone,sitting on a park bench. His depressed face concerned her so she parked her car near the curve. She slid out of her car and went to see what was wrong with Jaden.
But, Enough with the Constructive Crit! Some High Points:
1. Nice Plot!
2. You spelled things correctly!
3. You Named your chapters!
Note: Please do not be offended by my suggestions. You don't have to take them. I'm just trying to help!
13CheeseyWonder221Hey, Um, Never heard of you. I'm an old timer, and I haven't been back in awhile. So, NICE TO MEETCHA!
Anyways, Its pretty good. Can I constructive crit ya? Thanks =)
1. Please add More details! Shove us readers into the plot! EX:
Yours:"Where are you Blair". Said Jaden.
Edited: "Where are you, Blair?" Judai called out towards the door. No Answer! He shugged and pushed open the door- He was used to just walking right in Blair's house, considering he was her girlfriend.
2. I'm sorry for making the assumption that Blair was his girlfriend, but what I got from it, it appeared so! Please do not leave the reader with doubt(With details like that!). Doubt is okay when you're trying to build suspense, but, otherwise, don't leave the readers in the dark!
3. Please don't use run-ons. I may not be able to talk, but grammar is vital! For Instance:
Yours: Alexis was driving down the street and noticed Jaden was alone and depressed so she parked her car near the curve and went to see what is wrong with Jaden.
Hun, No Offence, but that is one long run on. Here is an edited version:
Editied: Alexis was driving down the street and noticed Jaden was alone,sitting on a park bench. His depressed face concerned her so she parked her car near the curve. She slid out of her car and went to see what was wrong with Jaden.
But, Enough with the Constructive Crit! Some High Points:
1. Nice Plot!
2. You spelled things correctly!
3. You Named your chapters!
Note: Please do not be offended by my suggestions. You don't have to take them. I'm just trying to help!
4/18/2007 c1 gothicalserpent194
this is so emotionless and depressing. its great...
this is so emotionless and depressing. its great...
4/3/2007 c10 38DemonicXaliv
Chazz and Zane are out of character alot,Syrus,Jaden,and Alexis a bit.Martin I have no clue really and Blair she's a bitched anyway,so I really don't care.
38DemonicXalivChazz and Zane are out of character alot,Syrus,Jaden,and Alexis a bit.Martin I have no clue really and Blair she's a bitched anyway,so I really don't care.
3/23/2007 c9 Tensa-Zangetsu102
I DON'T CARE JUST HAVE ALEXIS BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THAT LITTLE BITCH OUT OF BLAIR! I WANT TO SEE SO BLOOD FROM HER!
I DON'T CARE JUST HAVE ALEXIS BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THAT LITTLE BITCH OUT OF BLAIR! I WANT TO SEE SO BLOOD FROM HER!
3/22/2007 c8 Tensa-Zangetsu102
YOu're making this too depressing for my taste! GET THEM BACK TOGETHER AGAIN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
YOu're making this too depressing for my taste! GET THEM BACK TOGETHER AGAIN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
3/2/2007 c7 54JC-zala
Okay, too much OOC. But it's cool. Everything is getting interesting. Wish you can make the chapters longer.
54JC-zalaOkay, too much OOC. But it's cool. Everything is getting interesting. Wish you can make the chapters longer.
3/1/2007 c7 Noobs of Steel
...
um
well
alexis is ooc
jaden ooc
jaden will never be depressed angry etc
alexis would never no matter how hurt she is
m giving you this advice for next story please take into consideration
...
um
well
alexis is ooc
jaden ooc
jaden will never be depressed angry etc
alexis would never no matter how hurt she is
m giving you this advice for next story please take into consideration
