for Kitsune Curse3/17 c12 Gaymer
I noticed that in your writing, you tend to say "could of" and "shouldn't of", but it's supposed to be "could've"/"could have" or "shouldn't've"/"shouldn't have". I know "shouldn't've looks wrong, but there is nothing grammatically wrong with it and it's useful in conversations to make them flow in a more casual manner.
I noticed that in your writing, you tend to say "could of" and "shouldn't of", but it's supposed to be "could've"/"could have" or "shouldn't've"/"shouldn't have". I know "shouldn't've looks wrong, but there is nothing grammatically wrong with it and it's useful in conversations to make them flow in a more casual manner.
7/2/2018 c19 Guest
I don't understand why you're getting rid of your authors notes.
I don't understand why you're getting rid of your authors notes.
4/7/2018 c19 Guest
Aller! La suite s’il vous plaît !
Aller! La suite s’il vous plaît !
4/1/2018 c19 Guest
Vite la suite ! Je veux continuer l’histoire
Vite la suite ! Je veux continuer l’histoire
3/27/2018 c19 
36Tsukimine12
Loved the chapter! Poor Mario, poor Luigi, hopefully they will find the cure soon xD
36Tsukimine12Loved the chapter! Poor Mario, poor Luigi, hopefully they will find the cure soon xD
3/26/2018 c19 Rockster
Ok... I had been very busy past few days ago, with life and Mario Amino stuff like that. And I still don't really had much mood to write a review... but I do promise to write a review.
When I see a fox that can fly, I usually think of Tails... but I guess with Luigi it kinda make sense that he can hover a bit like a small propeller since it only has one tail.
Tails... remind me how did he rotate his 2 tails like an actual propeller without getting tangled eh... wait are Tails' tails attached to the end of his spine? You know what, screw Sonic game logic. I don't even know what the heck am I saying anymore...
I am not surprise that it is that easy to escape from that dungeon. I guess something good did come out at the end, so I am not gonna complain much about it.
Hello random minor characters that we will never care and see ever again. Bye and I will never miss ya two. Sayonara.
Although to be blunt, I think a lot of people will be self-conscious when they suddenly got mess up by someone or something. I mean if I suddenly got scratch by an ink pen, I will definitely try to wipe it off and be worried if there is any marks left on my skin.
And of course there is no easy way out. There is no way that you wanna end this story that early. Gonna get that McGuffin plot up and running.
Well, at least Luigi got some place in Sarasaland in the future. I guess it is quite lucky for him for this event to have happen.
Also, you need to put a double inverted comma at the beginning of the dialogue when the character's dialogues have more than one paragraph and continued immediately on the second paragraph as a dialogue. This is just for neatness and it is to show that the character from the first paragraph is the same guy talking at the second paragraph.
For example:
(He bowed in front of the girl and spoke, "I am very grateful for your assistance, my good friend.
"It has been a great time working with you. I had so much fun working with the daughter of the popular game company.
"But I unfortunately must leave now. It is pretty late and I have to rush back home to feed my pet." He turned around and walked away.)
Anyway, nice chapter. I am still tired with life and stuff, so I don't exactly had the mood to type a review. Kinda been grumpy as my head hurts and I typed this at late at night. Joy...
Ok... I had been very busy past few days ago, with life and Mario Amino stuff like that. And I still don't really had much mood to write a review... but I do promise to write a review.
When I see a fox that can fly, I usually think of Tails... but I guess with Luigi it kinda make sense that he can hover a bit like a small propeller since it only has one tail.
Tails... remind me how did he rotate his 2 tails like an actual propeller without getting tangled eh... wait are Tails' tails attached to the end of his spine? You know what, screw Sonic game logic. I don't even know what the heck am I saying anymore...
I am not surprise that it is that easy to escape from that dungeon. I guess something good did come out at the end, so I am not gonna complain much about it.
Hello random minor characters that we will never care and see ever again. Bye and I will never miss ya two. Sayonara.
Although to be blunt, I think a lot of people will be self-conscious when they suddenly got mess up by someone or something. I mean if I suddenly got scratch by an ink pen, I will definitely try to wipe it off and be worried if there is any marks left on my skin.
And of course there is no easy way out. There is no way that you wanna end this story that early. Gonna get that McGuffin plot up and running.
Well, at least Luigi got some place in Sarasaland in the future. I guess it is quite lucky for him for this event to have happen.
Also, you need to put a double inverted comma at the beginning of the dialogue when the character's dialogues have more than one paragraph and continued immediately on the second paragraph as a dialogue. This is just for neatness and it is to show that the character from the first paragraph is the same guy talking at the second paragraph.
For example:
(He bowed in front of the girl and spoke, "I am very grateful for your assistance, my good friend.
"It has been a great time working with you. I had so much fun working with the daughter of the popular game company.
"But I unfortunately must leave now. It is pretty late and I have to rush back home to feed my pet." He turned around and walked away.)
Anyway, nice chapter. I am still tired with life and stuff, so I don't exactly had the mood to type a review. Kinda been grumpy as my head hurts and I typed this at late at night. Joy...
3/25/2018 c19 Guest
That's one shard down. Now just to find the rest. Poor Mario. I would be self conscious to if I were in his situation. Wonder where they'll go next...
Oh, and good luck with reconstruction on the story!
(And thanks for the clarification on the ambush on Kamek in the previous chapter.)
That's one shard down. Now just to find the rest. Poor Mario. I would be self conscious to if I were in his situation. Wonder where they'll go next...
Oh, and good luck with reconstruction on the story!
(And thanks for the clarification on the ambush on Kamek in the previous chapter.)
3/22/2018 c19 19Colorful and Free
Yay...My green baby gets to date his princess. And he's happy, even if only for a moment. Now to find the rest of that Prism Star! Though I can't help but think that bit earlier about Kamek making some magical "forget everything and take on the memories of an animal" potion will come into play later on...
19Colorful and FreeYay...My green baby gets to date his princess. And he's happy, even if only for a moment. Now to find the rest of that Prism Star! Though I can't help but think that bit earlier about Kamek making some magical "forget everything and take on the memories of an animal" potion will come into play later on...
3/22/2018 c19 3Mariogeek
Yaaaaaay! Yay for Luigi!
Ha, yeah the Benny and Charles thing was clearly a joke and I also thought it was super funny. Whoo! Lots happened in this chapter and I really liked it a lot! Your description of Mario cracked me up, I can see his fat belly right now. I actually have nothing to say as far as a critique, you did a really good job!
3MariogeekYaaaaaay! Yay for Luigi!
Ha, yeah the Benny and Charles thing was clearly a joke and I also thought it was super funny. Whoo! Lots happened in this chapter and I really liked it a lot! Your description of Mario cracked me up, I can see his fat belly right now. I actually have nothing to say as far as a critique, you did a really good job!
3/19/2018 c3 3Kai Anderson
First, when I clicked on Ch 3. I thought, "Holy Block of text! "You have goooooooot to do something about those blocks of text, man. It really makes the story feel a lot messier and cluttered. Im sorry to be harsh if you think i am.
Also... Saying things in parenthesis like (its a big castle) or (he cant remove his gloves right now) is almost an insult to the reader's comprehension. It like you are worried that we wont understand something so you put those little things in there. I wouldnt do that. It interrupts the story and happens a little little too often.
About the blocks of text, i am assuming that chapter one had them too? But u got feedback and fixed just chapter 1? Because that chapter is pretty much perfect.
Through this story, In a way, i feel like you are talking to me a lot , rather than telling a story.
kinda like how you wrote something along the lines of "if there wasnt enough space in the seat, he'd be sitting on his tail. "
Ya know... I feel like im talking to my 18 (8 years ago) year old self. I remember when i wrote fanfiction with blocks of text too. Reviewers taught e how to properly space things and it made e such a better writer. I also used to throw in random parenthesis and ANs. I havent peeked at your latest chaps. But i want to believe you fixed a lot of this?
Now then... On to the content.
Loved the transformation explanations. I even went to google image to verify u were explaining something correctly and u were! Question, though... Why is he becoming a fox instead of a full on tanooki instead or racoon thingy?
Also... Im not a fan of this whole "hiding a dramatic change" concept. I see it too often and i dont find that its realistic. I feel that if any normal person was experiencing this sort of change, they would immediately seek help from family and friends rather than running away
That said, i knew that his voice would be taken and i hate that, not as in u did something bad, i just knew it was coming and it did and i hate it. Its going to be a lot harder to get help for him now. Thats what i was worried about.
Loved imagining him clawing WL in the face. Not sure why but it was cute. Ive always wanted to become something like a fox boy if i am to be honest, so yeah! I like the story and i have always found luigi to be more adorable than mario, so fox adds to that.
So luigi is not going to get to hear the speech :( that's how it seems.
All in all.. I can see that you are trying and its paying off.
If i have to rate, story so far gets a 7, grammar and writing nuances get a 5.
Hope this wasnt to harsh!
3Kai AndersonFirst, when I clicked on Ch 3. I thought, "Holy Block of text! "You have goooooooot to do something about those blocks of text, man. It really makes the story feel a lot messier and cluttered. Im sorry to be harsh if you think i am.
Also... Saying things in parenthesis like (its a big castle) or (he cant remove his gloves right now) is almost an insult to the reader's comprehension. It like you are worried that we wont understand something so you put those little things in there. I wouldnt do that. It interrupts the story and happens a little little too often.
About the blocks of text, i am assuming that chapter one had them too? But u got feedback and fixed just chapter 1? Because that chapter is pretty much perfect.
Through this story, In a way, i feel like you are talking to me a lot , rather than telling a story.
kinda like how you wrote something along the lines of "if there wasnt enough space in the seat, he'd be sitting on his tail. "
Ya know... I feel like im talking to my 18 (8 years ago) year old self. I remember when i wrote fanfiction with blocks of text too. Reviewers taught e how to properly space things and it made e such a better writer. I also used to throw in random parenthesis and ANs. I havent peeked at your latest chaps. But i want to believe you fixed a lot of this?
Now then... On to the content.
Loved the transformation explanations. I even went to google image to verify u were explaining something correctly and u were! Question, though... Why is he becoming a fox instead of a full on tanooki instead or racoon thingy?
Also... Im not a fan of this whole "hiding a dramatic change" concept. I see it too often and i dont find that its realistic. I feel that if any normal person was experiencing this sort of change, they would immediately seek help from family and friends rather than running away
That said, i knew that his voice would be taken and i hate that, not as in u did something bad, i just knew it was coming and it did and i hate it. Its going to be a lot harder to get help for him now. Thats what i was worried about.
Loved imagining him clawing WL in the face. Not sure why but it was cute. Ive always wanted to become something like a fox boy if i am to be honest, so yeah! I like the story and i have always found luigi to be more adorable than mario, so fox adds to that.
So luigi is not going to get to hear the speech :( that's how it seems.
All in all.. I can see that you are trying and its paying off.
If i have to rate, story so far gets a 7, grammar and writing nuances get a 5.
Hope this wasnt to harsh!
3/18/2018 c2 Kai Anderson
Okay, so this chapter I was less impressed by.
1. I kinda didnt like the whole lugi's mansions flashback. It seems too soon to have something like that. This chapter was 80% flashback.
It made me want to scroll past it all to get to the good stuff. You already mentioned the paragraphs, soso u wont. I will say this though. New paragraphs are easy to make. Jsut wait until u finish related thoughts on something, the next.
Imagining a naked luigi was... Awesome. Hahaha
Try to avoid using words like "actually" or "literally " as emphasizers btw and i guess thats it.
Other than that... Like where story is going.
Continuing...
Okay, so this chapter I was less impressed by.
1. I kinda didnt like the whole lugi's mansions flashback. It seems too soon to have something like that. This chapter was 80% flashback.
It made me want to scroll past it all to get to the good stuff. You already mentioned the paragraphs, soso u wont. I will say this though. New paragraphs are easy to make. Jsut wait until u finish related thoughts on something, the next.
Imagining a naked luigi was... Awesome. Hahaha
Try to avoid using words like "actually" or "literally " as emphasizers btw and i guess thats it.
Other than that... Like where story is going.
Continuing...
3/17/2018 c1 Kai Anderson
Well Well. This is an interesting start to the story. As far as grammar, nothing really jumped out at me except the time you wrote 2 words twice, one after another. I forgot which ones, but you will see it.
I like the idea you are going with and I'm curious how you will write animal Luigi and Mario (maybe) I'm a bit surprised you didn't write this using Kammy Koopa. Is it because you think she is dumb? lol
I also hope that Luigi get's to hear Mario's speech so he doesnt feel bad again. Nice job, dude! Keep it up !
Well Well. This is an interesting start to the story. As far as grammar, nothing really jumped out at me except the time you wrote 2 words twice, one after another. I forgot which ones, but you will see it.
I like the idea you are going with and I'm curious how you will write animal Luigi and Mario (maybe) I'm a bit surprised you didn't write this using Kammy Koopa. Is it because you think she is dumb? lol
I also hope that Luigi get's to hear Mario's speech so he doesnt feel bad again. Nice job, dude! Keep it up !
2/25/2018 c18 3Mariogeek
Aha, I have finally made it to where you currently are! Sorry for not reviewing like 10 chapters but I started a college/high school art program yesterday. It is INTENSE. So. I will be doing that every day for the next couple of months but I wanted to finish this! So I have been reading but not reviewing, and I'm taking a break before I start my next assignment. So yay! Happy 1 year anniversary!
3MariogeekAha, I have finally made it to where you currently are! Sorry for not reviewing like 10 chapters but I started a college/high school art program yesterday. It is INTENSE. So. I will be doing that every day for the next couple of months but I wanted to finish this! So I have been reading but not reviewing, and I'm taking a break before I start my next assignment. So yay! Happy 1 year anniversary!
2/23/2018 c8 Mariogeek
Just a note: I think your Ultimate Chimera reference should not be so direct. Such as "This is sounding like avoiding the Ultimate Chimera, but I'll do it!" So that everyone still catches the reference but it's not so in-your-face. Can't wait to read more!
Just a note: I think your Ultimate Chimera reference should not be so direct. Such as "This is sounding like avoiding the Ultimate Chimera, but I'll do it!" So that everyone still catches the reference but it's not so in-your-face. Can't wait to read more!
